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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To deliberately book annual leave to coincide with my work's Christmas party?

64 replies

christmaspartyblues · 23/11/2021 21:05

Work's Christmas party is compulsory, it's during the working day so I can't use the excuse of being busy.

Thinking of trying to book the day off for annual leave, although cutting it a bit fine as I won't have given as much notice as we are technically meant to, but it's been fine before. The whole office closes that day, clients are told in advance, etc. So I can't use the excuse of wanting to work/man the phones.

I'm quite new in the job, but everyone seems really excited about it and I'm just dreading it

OP posts:
dreamygirl25 · 23/11/2021 21:07

Ah it's quite nice they are doing it in the work day and paying everyone for coming. I think you'd be fine booking that time off though as you would be paid to attend.

orangejuicer · 23/11/2021 21:07

Why are you dreading it?

spotcheck · 23/11/2021 21:08

Have you ever been?

If it is your first year there, it may not be the best idea to deliberately avoid it?

TappThatJazz · 23/11/2021 21:08

Why are you dreading it? Boom it off If you fancy and claim an appointment

Original poster
christmaspartyblues · 23/11/2021 21:16

We are still mainly working from home so I still like I don't know my colleagues that well so feel like it would be awkward

I don't drink alcohol and there is a free bar and I know people get very drunk very early on and I don't really want to be around that

I have nothing to wear as it's quite formal

Don't really want to be in a crowded venue with 100+ people, although I am vaccinated

OP posts:
Practicebeingpatient · 23/11/2021 21:17

My husband has just done this very thing.

Vapeyvapevape · 23/11/2021 21:24

I would book the day off, I’m not going to our Christmas party, it’s in the evening though and I can’t really put my finger on why I don’t want to go, I just don’t. One of my colleagues keeps pushing me for an answer as to why I don’t want to go (fancies himself as a bit of a counsellor ) I just give the same answer ‘because I don’t want to’ , I think it’s driving him mad that he can’t analyse my reasons.
If you don’t want to go then don’t go.

FaoinDrualus · 23/11/2021 21:24

Is it your first party with them? Maybe give it a go and see how you find it? If its awful just plead a headache and leave ...
I wouldnt waste a days annual leave on avoiding people. But its your leave Smile

DevonsFinest · 23/11/2021 21:25

I've just had the same predicament, also the fact that the new manager (jobsworth) would be there trying to be friendly to us.
So I have explained that It isn't really my scene and I appreciate the invitation but would feel out of place as I don't enjoy parties.
Nobody was offended and I'm still employed there, it really was that simple.

JudgeJ · 23/11/2021 21:57

@orangejuicer

Why are you dreading it?
I never went to any works events, other than a quick lunchtime trip to the pub. Why is it assumed that people who work together want to also socialise? The company should not make attendance compulsory, very unfair.
Moanranger · 23/11/2021 22:05

What is this fetishising of company parties? If you don’t like them, don’t go. My exH was a corporate type, but he loathed his co-workers, but would still insist on going to these tedious “do’s” and stay til the bitter end. He said it was important for office politics, schmoozing, getting ahead. Did not stop him from getting made redundant - multiple times.
Be true to yourself

NeedWineNow · 23/11/2021 22:23

I've done exactly that in the past. And you wouldn't believe how many times out office party has clashed with plans I've already madeWink

DixonD · 23/11/2021 22:28

I’ve worked at my firm for 18 years. I’ve booked annual leave for the day of the Christmas party since about 2008!

This year they are not letting anyone booked leave that week.

So I booked parental leave instead.

I hate the Christmas party.

Original poster
christmaspartyblues · 24/11/2021 20:13

Before I email my manager, can I just double-check that this is ok? I'm worried it's some faux pas. I'm still in probation so very conscious of every potential misstep.

  1. I think officially we are supposed to give 4 week's notice so this is less than that, but it is for only one day. I have given less notice before for a holiday day
  1. I'd have to then tell the organisers that I will no longer be attending/don't need catering for, etc
  1. Should I say I have an appointment/give a reason or just say I need to swap one of my holiday days to the date of the party, and is that ok?
  1. Should I phrase it as a "is this ok? I can cancel my appointment if needed but was just wondering?" or be more like "I need to swap my holiday date to X date. However, this clashes with the Christmas do so unfortunately can't attend"

I think my company takes the Christmas party very seriously.

OP posts:
Magstermay · 24/11/2021 20:31

I understand you not wanting to go but I think it would look a bit odd that you suddenly need that date off. I think you need a good reason to need that days holiday, not something that can easily be moved. If they say it’s not ok then you’re stuck with going to the party.
Personally I’d probably just suck it up and go the first year as you’re new and at least you know for future. You can sneak off early if it’s not your thing.

Megan2018 · 24/11/2021 20:37

If you are in probation and want to get ahead then I’d go along this year with a fake smile for a few hours. If they take it seriously and you aren’t there you won’t make a good impression. Treat it like a shit bit of your job rather than a social event.
You can skip it in future years once you’ve got your feet under the table.

Legomania · 24/11/2021 20:38

Look, technically they can't MAKE you go but do you really want a name as someone who'll do anything to avoid socialising with their colleagues? Just show your face and then head off once everyone else has had a few.

Littlescottiedog · 24/11/2021 20:39

I'd like to work for a company who paid me for a regular working day to actually attend a Christmas do!!

MadeItOut21 · 24/11/2021 20:44

The Christmas part is during the work day? And all work is cancelled and you don't have to pay anything? Just go and show your face. You say yourself you don't know your colleagues well, this is perfect then. You're overthinking it and also seem to have a very low opinion of your colleagues. At most of the office parties I've been, most people don't get thrashed, there's always a dumb ass or two, but most people either don't drink or drink in moderation. Even at very boozy parties, it takes a while for people to get drunk. You go, say hi, make conversation and leave on time. What's the problem?

Heyvedge · 24/11/2021 20:51

Won't some people have to drive so they won't all be drinking surely. If you have plenty of holiday though it would perhaps be easier to do this, people at my old work place often had to use up days near Christmas anyway as they hadn't used their holiday

Original poster
christmaspartyblues · 24/11/2021 21:07

I have been to previous events with colleagues where we socialise and I will make sure I make an effort to get involved in those smaller social events to avoid getting that kind of reputation

My probation ends the day before the Christmas party

I have had good feedback on every other aspect of my work

I'm really conflicted. I honestly can't think of anything worse. I have social anxiety and this a big deal for me and something I have been worrying about since September

Surely I don't need to give a reason for why I need a day of holiday? I understand they can decline it but surely they're not going to ask the nature of why I need that particular day off?

OP posts:
bonfireheart · 24/11/2021 21:10

You say you're new and don't know your colleagues, well this is a way to do that and I assume you can leave when you want to?

Iamanicepersonreally · 24/11/2021 21:24

You shouldn't feel obligated to go. One of my probationers rang me today saying she was really worried about the Christmas party and would it reflect badly on her if she didn't go. I told her that it's entirely up to her and that I'm not going either 🙂. If I were you, I'd just ask for a day's annual leave. Maybe have a "reason" ready for if someone asks why. There must be other people who don't want to go. If anyone asks me, I just say that I don't want to go, but I understand that you probably can't do this.

ColinTheKoala · 24/11/2021 21:44

OP if you don't want to go, just say you had forgotten you had another commitment and you would like the day off.

You will not fail your probation for not attending the party!

Failing that, you have to do a PCR test the day before and isolate until your negative result comes back....

SaltedCaramelHC · 24/11/2021 21:48

If this is the first time you have been in the job for the Christmas party, would it maybe be easier to go this year when you are 'new' and people might try to get to know you, or understand if you don't stay too long etc. If you don't go this year, then you still have all the dread for it next year, and you won't be new then so it might be even harder (as you won't be able to book it off every year without it being obvious that that is why, although this might be something you are fine with if the job is secure).

It sounds scary to me too, but I'd probably try to force myself to go for a while, just out of fear that it would harm my job prospects, or that I'd have to do it next year anyway when I wasn't new.

I'd try to go for a short while and see what it is, and maybe just enjoy the fact that they are trying to provide something that people might enjoy, so even if you don't drink, you might still enjoy the food, or whatever. Maybe you could treat yourself to some little new thing to wear or accessory or something, to give yourself a positive association with the event and help see it as something nice, even if it's terrifying.

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