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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think parents just buy the advent calendars, not grandparents.

70 replies

Calee03 · 22/11/2021 17:24

Not an asshole, just a little annoyed. Every year I buy dc a advent calendar - usually only chocolate type.

Last year my mum them 4 advent calendars each - bought when reduced after the first and brought them over. Then mil bought them the one. They are brought over here and last year ended up with 6 each - fml. I couldn't hide them away as the kids knew about them. So 6 advent calendar doors each to open each day 😞

Then Ds had one from his dad - which isn't really an issue as it was kept there and he just caught up at the weekend 😅 I can't really tell his dad not to buy...

I spoke to my mum a while ahi and said please don't buy them so many reduced advent calendars. If she feels the need to get them something, maybe an alternative like a chocolate bar as a one off or a Christmas decoration, or a keepsake advent calendar or something. Not 4 bleddy chocolate advent calendars.

She's just told me she's bought them one each 'so far'.

Omfg! I've told her to stop and we didn't even expect one off her.

We've told mil not too either. Ds insisted on opening every single one every morning last year and wouldn't save it for later.

Aibu to think having multiple chocolate advent calendars each is bleddy ridiculous.?

I don't like to be rude but aibu to think that grandparents would assume that parents would buy them a advent calendar so they shouldn't bother at all?

OP posts:
Original poster
Calee03 · 22/11/2021 17:39

Bleddy is a Cornish term used by most of us j think. I use it several times a day! Google it!

OP posts:
rrhuth · 22/11/2021 17:39

Six advent calendars is grim actually, nothing feels special if you give too much, so they are spoiling it for the kids really.

In our family we do a non-chocolate advent calendar, meaning GPs can do whatever they like, but if someone gave four I would get them to choose their favourite and regift the rest.

LoveGrooveDanceParty · 22/11/2021 17:40

OK so this year, you know what’s coming. Don’t buy them one.

JumperandJacket · 22/11/2021 17:40

4 is ridiculous. You are the parent though so can’t you put some away for after Christmas?

hotmeatymilk · 22/11/2021 17:41

Your mum and your MIL are buyers. That’s clearly their love language: my MIL is one too. She could no more not send DD a bin bag full of absolute tat every Christmas than she could transmogrify into Elton John. She bought the child a selection box when she was six months!

You don’t have the power to stop them buying 1, 4 or 15 advent calendars. You do have the power to:

• Not buy any yourself – one less to worry about.
• Say no and deal with the tears.
• Donate the excess to food banks.

PenelopeVonDelius · 22/11/2021 17:42

That is quite annoying. Why would anyone buy someone more than one?

ghejxodn · 22/11/2021 17:42

Couldn't honestly get worked up over it. Would probably make me laugh more than anything. Use it as an opportunity to teach the kids how lucky they are and donate them to a food bank or something.

Original poster
Calee03 · 22/11/2021 17:42

@hotmeatymilk very similar regarding presents too! Mil not as bad but my own mum buys tons of tat in the nicest way possible. Stuff that breaks shortly after opening!

OP posts:
SusieBob · 22/11/2021 17:43

Just don't let the kids have them even if they know about them.

"You get 1 advent calender, we'll give the rest to your friends/I'll have one/ we'll open all the doors and put the chocolates in a tuperware box and we'll save it"

etc.

Original poster
Calee03 · 22/11/2021 17:44

@Costumeidea clearly everyone commenting on my use of 'bleddy' has never regularly spoken to a Cornish person before 😅

OP posts:
hotmeatymilk · 22/11/2021 17:46

@Calee03 We just run interference on the presents: you’ve got to get to everything first!

Theunamedcat · 22/11/2021 17:50

My exes family is like this every year I used to buy a Thornton advent calendar with there names iced on the kids loved them and there was no accusations of he stole my calendar etc etc one year nan bought a "cheap chocolate" one (Kinnerton chocolate) then her husband bought them another one then halfway through December they bought them more none of the kids liked the chocolate so we ended up giving them away Christmas it got worse they asked what ds "needed" (clothing wise) I said anything apart from a coat (he had four due to various reasons with another three next size up) grandparents bought him a coat and took the tag off so I couldn't return it then bil bought him a coat too because mil said we needed it again mil whipped the tag off we went down to great grandparents I said I swear if they have bought another fucking coat! Fortunately she hadn't she apologised for not buying him a coat and gave us the cash we went back to mils house she had "found" more advent calendars ds cried

covilha · 22/11/2021 17:53

Can you offer some to school/ any groups they belong to? take one into work? Try and encourage the children to think about helping others and sharing their gifts...
Also, sorry your life is not straight forward and having so many advent calendars will likely prove challenging for your boy. Not that you should have to expose your private life to justify posting here, it is for everyone and those who are not happy can scroll on ...

sunshineandrain82 · 22/11/2021 17:55

We have a similar issue with my mother and having a sen child ourselves. It isn't easy.

Could you perhaps get away with buying a picture advent? If you know they will end up with other advent calendars.

I completely get your position. There's no telling my mother. But equally my sen child has virtually no in-depth understanding, so all he would see is we were taking something from him. we also wouldn't want to take something he's been given food wise because his diet is very restricted to less then 13 foods, and with chocolate being one of his safe foods, potentially taking it from him would mean he would drop the food further restricting him.

Over the years we have learnt to adapt.. ie my mother has a thing for buying anything he asks for without consulting with us.. so we stick to buying higher priced sensory items because she simply wouldn't buy it.

She's quiet crafty as she would hand it straight to him. She is also notorious to visit the night before a big occasion and getting them to open there gifts there during a time we are distracted. Knowing full well if we also have brought it, she's given it to him first. And knowing getting it off him is a problem.

RaoulDufysCat · 22/11/2021 18:00

Give them one each and take the rest to the food bank. Someone will be absolutely made up to get them. Six per child is absolutely nuts.

ichundich · 22/11/2021 18:03

This would annoy me too. Can you donate the excess calendars to your local foodbank / Olio / preschool / school? My kids have a chocolate calendar in their class; chances are the teachers haven't bought them yet.

WonderfulYou · 22/11/2021 18:03

No wonder I couldn’t get any advent calendars last year!! Smile

I think they’re trying to be nice but I would definitely tell them you’ve already got one so he doesn’t need any more.

Beamur · 22/11/2021 18:03

These sabotaging grandparents are a pain aren't they? Odd that they won't see they're not actually acting in the interests of the children they love.

onceandneveragain · 22/11/2021 18:04

YABU to think GPs shouldn't buy advent calendars, but your mum is BU to have bought 4! I would give any extras to the food bank and, most importantly, tell her you've done so. That will hopefully stop her from doing the same next year.

CaptainMyCaptain · 22/11/2021 18:04

4 for each child from one person is OTT but it's normal for children to end up with several calendars from relatives.

Jibberjabberhutt · 22/11/2021 18:08

Is your mum a ‘more is more’ person about Christmas presents, too? As in, the more they have to open, then better, and it almost doesn’t matter what shite is concealed within @Calee03?

Catfox1 · 22/11/2021 18:09

My Gran used to buy me a religious one. I loved it. God I miss her.

Your Mum though definitely sounds OTT!

knittingaddict · 22/11/2021 18:10

Meh. We've bought the grandchildren an amazing advent calender. We found it in a Scandinavian shop while on holiday and they will share it, alternating days. We will keep in it here as we are doing a lot of child care leading up to Christmas. They will have others at home. Is that really so terrible?

Multiple ones would be annoying though.

DrMadelineMaxwell · 22/11/2021 18:12

Love seeing the word bleddy written like that. My late MIL came from Goole and used to say it like that. She died this time last year and it made me smile seeing it written exactly as she used to say it.

yourestandingonmyneck · 22/11/2021 18:18

Yeah, I get it.

They are cheap tat. Cheap chocolate, plastic, cardboard. But for the kids, they are something "special"

Buying loads of them cos they are reduced to 10p after 1st December really dims the "special" factor in my eyes.

We've just received one per kid from the MIL. I can't stand the MIL and I do find it a bit irritating that she sees it as her place to do this and that I, as parent, won't have done it.

My mother will probably buy one as well, but she absolutely dotes on them (MIL never makes the effort to see them) so I can't grudge her that. So I won't buy them one, but that still leaves us with double the amount we need. I'll just need to deal with that somehow (they might not notice).

My mother will probably try and give us a load of reduced ones, but i will put my foot down about that.

Older people just seem unable to resist a "bargain" as they haven't realised yet just how overrun everyone is with tat. But when it's comes to a "special" item like advent calendar, I don't want my kids excitement being diminished by being bombarded with loads of them.