Who drives DC’s to who on his weekends?

[Pinkorchide]

My xh left me 3 years ago to start a new relationship with someone else he already met. They now live together, along with her dc from a previous relationship, and our 2 DC’s live with me but see him every other weekend and less than half school holidays. When XH left he moved 120 miles away. This was not for work or for his new partner as she moved over from abroad and looked for a job once here. I think the reason was because he wanted to “start again” and also not risk running into people he knew, I think he’s secretly ashamed of his actions.
I work full time and run the DC’s around all week every week and have done for the last 3 years. XH kicks off if the girls want to go to a party on his weekend and he doesn’t want to work around any extra curricular activity on his weekend, hence me running them around during the week. I get no help with day to day stuff and have coped on my own.
XH has always come to collect them and bring them back on his weekends but now wants me to drive them half way. This will mean more fuel costs for me and is a long way to drive considering how much I already do. He pays maintenance but it’s getting less and less every few months, not sure why.
AIBU to think he should continue to collect the girls from my house (we still live in our family house - I bought him out) and bring them back? He is very difficult in a lot of ways and tends to want everything to suit him. He can be very unpleasant and I know I should pick my arguments but feel this is one thing I don’t want him to walk over me with.
Any thoughts / advice welcome. Thanks I’m advance.

He should definitely pick up and drop off. Stand your ground.

If he chose to move that far away then he should do the driving.

When my daughter was still seeing her dad we used to take it in turns, but it was only a 20 minute drive each way. Your circumstances are obviously different.

His choice to move. His responsibility to collect.

He wants to see them? He should do the transport.

He moved so he should do the ferrying around.

He shouldn't have to stay where you lived as a family for the rest of his life, BUT to choose to straight away move 120 miles away for no specific reason (family/job for example) then I this is his cross to bear.

You do the grunt work all other times, he chose to move so far away he can lump it!

And have you checked how. much he is supposed to be paying? He can't pick and choose amounts

Say no and keep saying no. It's his problem and you are doing most of the legwork as it is.

Absolutely he should drive, you do it all week long, cheeky fucker

He drives and put claim to CMS for maintenance - if you haven't already done so.

Bless you, and hats off to you for being such a great mum despite what he put you through.
Back to topic, I absolutely wouldn't agree to this, even if you do it once he will expect it all the time I've been there x

Not your problem. You drive them around all week, until he dies his half of school, hobby and social pickups then you could offer. Plus if you 'meet him halfway' the power he has to be late, delayed' nope, no, nada, non, never.

Nope. He moved, he drives.

And go to CMS and get the maintenance fixed!

His choice to move 120 miles away, you also do the day to day driving around. He does want it all his way doesn’t he? Another vote to submit a CMS claim

@Pinkorchide

My xh left me 3 years ago to start a new relationship with someone else he already met. They now live together, along with her dc from a previous relationship, and our 2 DC’s live with me but see him every other weekend and less than half school holidays. When XH left he moved 120 miles away. This was not for work or for his new partner as she moved over from abroad and looked for a job once here. I think the reason was because he wanted to “start again” and also not risk running into people he knew, I think he’s secretly ashamed of his actions. I work full time and run the DC’s around all week every week and have done for the last 3 years. XH kicks off if the girls want to go to a party on his weekend and he doesn’t want to work around any extra curricular activity on his weekend, hence me running them around during the week. I get no help with day to day stuff and have coped on my own. XH has always come to collect them and bring them back on his weekends but now wants me to drive them half way. This will mean more fuel costs for me and is a long way to drive considering how much I already do. He pays maintenance but it’s getting less and less every few months, not sure why. AIBU to think he should continue to collect the girls from my house (we still live in our family house - I bought him out) and bring them back? He is very difficult in a lot of ways and tends to want everything to suit him. He can be very unpleasant and I know I should pick my arguments but feel this is one thing I don’t want him to walk over me with. Any thoughts / advice welcome. Thanks I’m advance.

He knew where his kids stayed and chose to move that far away so it's his responsibility to deal with the travel surely? I wouldn't be doing any of it if to be honest

When he does half of the school and activity runs you can do half of this. Until then no.

He chose to put his kids through that much weekend travel.
I'd keep that at the forefront of your mind.
Then the fact that he chose the additional costs of running the car and petrol. And his time.
I'd stand firm. But I would be primed ready for him to refuse to bring them all the way back. How old are they? How distressed will they be if you don't go get them the first time he pulls this.
I'd start an evidence trail right now
Stating that you are disappointed with his choices re the kids.
State that you're open to discussion with a trained mediator at his cost. But until then you expect there to be no disruption for the kids until any thing new agreed.
State that you won't be coming to pick them up until new changes agreed in mediation.

You might want to get recommendations of a good mediator to suggest.
They're very balanced and will help you find an equal solution.
The new arrangements may well be exactly the same as the old arrangements....

I had the same issue. I had to go to mediation and came to a compromise that one Sunday a month I meet him 15 miles from my home to shortened his journey a little. I wasn’t thrilled but it’s much better than his suggestion that I should be doing 60 miles 4 times a month

@HannahsLife

When he does half of the school and activity runs you can do half of this. Until then no.

This. You do everything for your dc least he can do is pick up and drop off.

He moves, he drives. Them’s the rules.

You need to challenge why maintenance is going down, your costs certainly won’t be.

I’d say what @hannahslife says exactly!

@HannahsLife

When he does half of the school and activity runs you can do half of this. Until then no.

The best response I’ve ever seen on this site.

I’d send him that word for word.

He moved, he drives. You do all the running around all week and he didn't want to share that either.

Is he self employed? If not get a CMS claim in. Otherwise in addition to maintenance mysteriously going down, he'll start making deductions for his petrol and mileage to punish you for not sharing the weekend driving.

How old are the girls? You mention parties. If they are of an age where they have their own social life they might start not wanting to go to his at the weekends anyway since he puts in such an abject lack of effort. His loss!

Whoever moved does the driving.

A women asked a similar thing a few weeks ago and as it was her who moved, all of the replies agreed that she should do the travelling. So it’s not just because he’s the dad.