Who drives DC’s to who on his weekends?

[Pinkorchide]

My xh left me 3 years ago to start a new relationship with someone else he already met. They now live together, along with her dc from a previous relationship, and our 2 DC’s live with me but see him every other weekend and less than half school holidays. When XH left he moved 120 miles away. This was not for work or for his new partner as she moved over from abroad and looked for a job once here. I think the reason was because he wanted to “start again” and also not risk running into people he knew, I think he’s secretly ashamed of his actions.
I work full time and run the DC’s around all week every week and have done for the last 3 years. XH kicks off if the girls want to go to a party on his weekend and he doesn’t want to work around any extra curricular activity on his weekend, hence me running them around during the week. I get no help with day to day stuff and have coped on my own.
XH has always come to collect them and bring them back on his weekends but now wants me to drive them half way. This will mean more fuel costs for me and is a long way to drive considering how much I already do. He pays maintenance but it’s getting less and less every few months, not sure why.
AIBU to think he should continue to collect the girls from my house (we still live in our family house - I bought him out) and bring them back? He is very difficult in a lot of ways and tends to want everything to suit him. He can be very unpleasant and I know I should pick my arguments but feel this is one thing I don’t want him to walk over me with.
Any thoughts / advice welcome. Thanks I’m advance.

Very similar situation - but we went through family court. Ex demanded, and judge agreed I do half of all pick up/drop off so it was 'fair' despite me doing all the actual parenting and cramming clubs in to weekdays so dc wouldn't miss out as he wouldn't entertain taking them anywhere on his EOW. There's many things they just can't do as a result but according to family court contact with their father is more important than anything else anyway. He pays next to nothing too. His contribution probably covers my petrol for 'my share'. You are certainly within your rights to refuse but ime the law isn't on your side if he decides to escalate

Just out of interest, if you add up the miles/time you spend ferrying them around to school and activities etc between his weekends (12 days?) how does it compare?

He chose to move away, he does all the collecting and bringing back

@liveforsummer that’s kind of where I was. Morally you can say he should all you like but it seems the law doesn’t care as much about you/the Child as it does it being fair for dad

Please don't enable him to do even less for the dc than he does already. They aren't pizza. You aren't an Uber driver..
He needs to do the traveling.

livefprsummer
That is absolutely appalling and smacks of utter sexism to me. How can that be called fair? OP If he takes it as far as the courts then I'd be contacting my MP and trying to get them onside. Good luck to you.

@Chloemol

He chose to move away, he does all the collecting and bringing back

I agree And if they want to go to a party of activity that weekend just keep them with you and let him collect them around that It's not fair they miss out

I don't think it's always as simple as whoever moved. I'm the rp and chose to move after he chose to leave, be the nrp and only see them 2 nights a month. Already faced with that minimal level of engagement I moved to where I could afford to buy a house and get family support. I get endless grief about this because his one long journey every two months seems like a big deal, whereas the day to day endless parenting chores are just 'normal' and are not remembered or factored in. OP you should remind him that you do 98% of the parenting. Why should you do 50% of his 2% as well?

Thank you all so much for your replies!! My DC’s are 10 and 13, they’ve resigned themselves for now to not going to parties on dad’s weekend, which I find a little heartbreaking - their dad is very good at talking and has obv. given them some kind of spiel about how it’s more important for them to see him and they love him so much they just go with it, but I’m not sure how it will work in the future when they want to get part time jobs etc.

Liveforsummer sorry you’ve been through similar. It really is so unfair. I’ve been warned about letting it get as far as court and that it would be better to agree something between us. Not sure if this is something I want to compromise on though, good idea from RAFHercules to contact MP!

HugeAckmansWife I agree it’s not as straight forward as who moved away, but in your case you moved for financial reasons and support, you’ve made decisions based on your and your DC’s needs, I’d hazard a guess your xp has not considered his DC’s much in his life choices, as hasn’t mine!!

No not at all. The saddest thing is had he wanted 50/50 I'd have gladly given it but he chose to move where his ow was. Over the years he has repeatedly demonstrated where his priorities are. It's so tough because its so much easier to agree to things for a quiet life but do try and stick to your guns.

Tell him to get stuffed the cf

He moved his responsibility. The court said so in my case.

Please go to the CMS.

This happened to a friend of mine as well! Very unfair as similar situation to you .My friend ended up driving nearly 200 miles to his house to "drop off" although he did drive them back .I think as above PP say that you need mediation .