Is he oblivious?

[StarMm]

Does my partner really not understand how annoying it is for me to get up with our two children at 6 am every day and he stays in bed until lunchtime unless he’s starting work early then miraculously he can get up early? Does he not understand how annoying this is even though I’ve said a million times or does he just not care?

He doesn't care

He doesn't care

YABU - Of course he isn't oblivious. he just doesn't give a shiny shit.

Well he clearly doesn't care that you "find it annoying."
Maybe you need to have a more productive conversation about it? Never mind "annoying," tell him it is going to change and he needs to start pulling his weight.

If he's in bed til lunchtime but has a job then I assume he works late shifts?

He doesn't care.

He works different times sometimes 7.30am until three pm and the other times 3pm until 11pm but on his day off and the days he starts at three he’s in bed until lunchtime.

He doesnt give a shit

He doesn't care.

Maybe a conversation about how contact will work when resentment splits you up will look like.

@StarMm

He works different times sometimes 7.30am until three pm and the other times 3pm until 11pm but on his day off and the days he starts at three he’s in bed until lunchtime.

If I was working til 11 at night I wouldn't want to get up at 6 in the morning, to be fair. Is your working pattern more of a normal 9-5?

He doesn't give a shit but tbh I wouldn't expect home to get up at 6am on the days he's working til 11pm - assuming you're a Sahm.

However, staying in bed til lunchtime is taking the piss and there's no reason he can't be up early on his days off

Are you a SAHP? Even so on his days off I think you should share the get up slot.

He really doesn't give a shit.

You know this.

Give him some divorce papers for a Christmas present.

What hours do you work? It's impossible to tell if YABU without that info.

What hours do you work? How much time does he spend with them? Does he cook and clean for them, take them places, do bedtimes etc?

What happens if you say it’s your turn to get up with them tomorrow?

I understand him not getting up super early when he’s finished at 11 the night before, I don’t expect that. I work also I don’t work many hours but I do everything in the house. It’s not even that I want to stay in bed till later I would just be happy with a couple of days a week us both getting up and doing it together.

I only work two hours every evening mon to Friday, I do all the cooking all the housework. He does bedtime a couple of nights a week the days when I’m at work and he’s finished and my mum isn’t looking after them. However I still do their tea and bath them before I leave all he has to do is take them to bed.

If I say you’re getting up with them tomorrow I usually have to wake him up anyway he’ll moan about how much sleep he’s had but he chooses to stay up until the early hours and then I will just still have to do all the housework when I get up

@StarMm

He works different times sometimes 7.30am until three pm and the other times 3pm until 11pm but on his day off and the days he starts at three he’s in bed until lunchtime.

There is a big difference between staying in bed until lunchtime when he is on a late shift and staying in bed until lunchtime on his day off. I would separate the two matters before you tackle this with him.

Staying up all hours gaming?

Completely agree with @Aprilx
He finishes 6hrs later than a typical 9-5 so shouldn't be expected to get up at the same time.

However, his days off are no excuse. Sounds like you let him get away with it tho so no wonder he takes the p

Are your children school age op? given you work outside of these hours, does that mean you have 9-3pm off every day? By 'off' I mean with just the housework to do.

Only one child is at school the other is too young so with me all day.