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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU cooking for friends

31 replies

Rp735 · 21/11/2021 23:33

We recently holidayed with long term friends. It was self catering for a week and a day in we realized that they weren't as much into cooking as us. This was ok with us and we continued to cook for all of us as it was quite an isolated location without much options. We asked for their opinion on the day's menu and hardly got any pushback. When they suggested changes we accepted except for - let's all have cereal for dinner. The food made was quite simple like pasta or rice and curry. However, as the week progressed their behaviour turned erratic. Sometimes they would shut themselves in their room and not come down for dinner with no explanation. We never asked either. Nothing else went wrong so it was strange. They would be fine otherwise too. Though this is the first self catering holiday together we have been on many holidays together and almost all planning like tickets etc. are done by us just like this holiday. We never had a problem with any of it as we like going with them. Were we being unreasonable? What could we have done differently.

OP posts:
alrightfella · 21/11/2021 23:36

Did they realise you'd be eating in every night? That would ruin the holiday for me. Might as well just be at home.

WomanStanleyWoman · 21/11/2021 23:41

What did they do for food if they shut themselves in their room?

Rp735 · 21/11/2021 23:47

In hindsight maybe not. They usually are not big on eating out either and complain about missing home food on normal holidays. So this was surprising.

OP posts:
Rp735 · 21/11/2021 23:49

@WomanStanleyWoman ate some leftovers or cereal etc. later.

OP posts:
immersivereader · 21/11/2021 23:51

Did you discuss the proceedings beforehand?

I have extensive experience of self catering hols with oddballs. Usually involves spreadsheets

SleepingStandingUp · 21/11/2021 23:59

Maybe they were having sex

I don't understand why you wouldn't just talk to them

Rp735 · 22/11/2021 00:02

@immersivereader it was discussed that we would talk about it when we planned the day and do what everyone agreed. However, they were reluctant to discuss much as the week progressed. No spreadsheets, as they aren't into planning ahead and usually leave it to us anyways. Lesson learnt re. avoiding self catering with others. However, I am wondering what we could have done to handle this situation better.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 22/11/2021 00:03

Sometimes they would shut themselves in their room and not come down for dinner with no explanation. We never asked either.

Were we being unreasonable? What could we have done differently.

You could've asked your long term friends why?

Rp735 · 22/11/2021 00:06

@SleepingStandingUp Smile I doubt that. They had children with them. We did ask if they were ok to which they said they were. Didn't push further as it seemed intrusive as they didn't want to seem to share.

OP posts:
BrightYellowDaffodil · 22/11/2021 00:09

Who on Earth says “Let’s have cereal for dinner”?

Generally I think this might have been a mismatch in holiday expectations but YANBU for finding their behaviour odd.

imnotacelebritygetmeoutofhere · 22/11/2021 00:10

As you said, they weren't into cooking as much as you. Maybe they found your meals and cooking too full on every day. Sometimes I just want a bowl of cereal or something small for dinner too.

HalloHello · 22/11/2021 00:12

How did you know what shopping you needed without knowing who was cooking what? If I were going self catering, there would need to be a pre organised menu and a Tesco delivery with the right stuff! Otherwise very odd to lock themselves away!!

Rubadubdub21 · 22/11/2021 00:14

Maybe they like to eat later than you? They sound rude though, staying in the bedroom while you're on holiday. Did they even help wash up after?

Rp735 · 22/11/2021 00:15

@WorraLiberty we did ask if they were ok when they came down. We struggled to probe more. Sharing a house itself seemed like loss of privacy. But you are right perhaps we are not as close friends as we thought we were.

OP posts:
Leeds2 · 22/11/2021 00:19

I would find it a bit odd if people I was sharing holiday accommodation with were just having a bowl of cereal for dinner, when they knew I was cooking, or planning to cook, a hot meal for everyone. For me, one of the benefits of such a holiday would be enjoying dinner together if we were all back at base at the same time in the evening.

I don't think you could've done any more than ask them if they were ok though.

Is there any possibility they may have thought that what you were cooking, and possibly drinking, was more than they wanted to pay, so this was their way of opting out of half the cost?

Rp735 · 22/11/2021 00:36

@imnotacelebritygetmeoutofhere yes possibly. I was wondering if the norm is to just provide your own family in this type of situation and that was their expectation. And we ruined it by trying to play happy extended families Smile and they couldn't figure out how to tell this to us. @Leeds2 no the food was mostly basic stuff. We aren't big drinkers, they are but we did join them once they were ok to lighten things up and were happy to split.

OP posts:
TannyFickler · 22/11/2021 00:44

Maybe they were arguing/having sex/something they didn’t want to share with you.

Maybe they had assumed you would do your own thing with meals/they’re not bothered about set meals and felt a bit awkward about telling you as you were happy to crack on with cooking.

Bottom line: you didn’t do anything wrong.
Lesson learnt: discuss beforehand next time.

HeddaGarbled · 22/11/2021 00:50

Maybe you should have taken it in turns to cater, even though ‘they weren’t as much into cooking as us’. I agree, cereal doesn’t cut it, but a cold spread, especially with local produce picked up during the day is great on a self-catering holiday.

JesusIsAnyNameFree · 22/11/2021 00:55

Who on Earth says “Let’s have cereal for dinner”

In my experience, children.

Poppins2016 · 22/11/2021 01:02

@BrightYellowDaffodil

Who on Earth says “Let’s have cereal for dinner”?

Generally I think this might have been a mismatch in holiday expectations but YANBU for finding their behaviour odd.

I often have cereal if I can't be bothered to cook... best 'fast food' there is (in terms of speed, at least)! Grin

...I probably wouldn't suggest as a communal meal on a self catering holiday, though, unless it was an emergency (e.g. illness, no electricity, etc).

immersivereader · 22/11/2021 01:04

Hmm, seems a bit odd, specially as they had kids.

When we go with DH's family (spreadsheeters) we always plans ahead what we're having, at least for each dinner and roughly usually for brekkie and lunch.

I'd say it would be fair in your case op for each couple to have done 3 dinners each, maybe alteranate nights to give each couple a break.

We would usually go to Costco / the good butcher beforehand and get all the main bits for each meal.

Yes, it's military and predictable, but to be honest, if there's 6 adults and 8 kids it just makes sense to buy and plan as much beforehand!

Op, we're you doing complicated dinners?

Redsquirrel5 · 22/11/2021 01:05

Puzzling.
If you want to go on holiday again I would go for separate accommodation. Go out in the day and do your own thing at night.

MintJulia · 22/11/2021 01:13

maybe if they normally drink more, they give the fcs cereal and have wine & a bag of crisps for themselves.

yanbu though. I can't imagine going on holiday and not having supper.

Soldoutinyoursize · 22/11/2021 01:15

Maybe they just wanted cereal for dinner?. I went away with a friend & our kids a few years ago. I had pictured us all pitching In to cook & eat together, they just wanted to chill and eat pot noodles. We just ended up doing our own thing and meeting up later for drinks.

RockNRollMartian · 22/11/2021 01:23

Cereal for supper isn't that bizarre to me. It's not my first choice, but if I'm exhausted and just need something to eat, it's not that different from having a quick sandwich.

I wonder if they were feeling guilty that you were doing all the cooking or wanted more time alone. Maybe they didn't like some of the food, but didn't feel they could say anything, since you were doing all the work of cooking for everyone.