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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU cooking for friends

31 replies

Rp735 · 21/11/2021 23:33

We recently holidayed with long term friends. It was self catering for a week and a day in we realized that they weren't as much into cooking as us. This was ok with us and we continued to cook for all of us as it was quite an isolated location without much options. We asked for their opinion on the day's menu and hardly got any pushback. When they suggested changes we accepted except for - let's all have cereal for dinner. The food made was quite simple like pasta or rice and curry. However, as the week progressed their behaviour turned erratic. Sometimes they would shut themselves in their room and not come down for dinner with no explanation. We never asked either. Nothing else went wrong so it was strange. They would be fine otherwise too. Though this is the first self catering holiday together we have been on many holidays together and almost all planning like tickets etc. are done by us just like this holiday. We never had a problem with any of it as we like going with them. Were we being unreasonable? What could we have done differently.

OP posts:
CheeseMmmm · 22/11/2021 01:28

You sound v nice OP so please don't take this as criticism! Because it's really not.

In the end I think you are being reasonable and also v nice to cook, tell them what cooking to see they liked it etc.

The reason I think they are also being reasonable. Well maybe not totally because they could have said something. But then you could have as well I suppose! But on hols one other family naturally you don't want to risk anything that might turn Atmos uncomfy!

Anyway I've been on hols after children twice with friends and their families. And I'm never doing it again. Because different families often have v different ideas about hols in really fundamental ways.

First was with about 4 other families all women friends since school, all men lovely and get on, children all nice and friendly etc.

The relevant one is when went on hol with best mate since school. Our partners both nice and get on. 4 kids all mates.

Thing is we're really random on holiday. Don't plan to do this or that. Eat at random times. Get up late. Some days let's bimble around and some days right let's do X outing that we have decided looks good. Might have big lunch out and only want easy for supper. Etc.

They were planners. And stuck to plans. And would inform us of the plans with expectation we would go along with it. Timings. Then.. we like walking a lot on hols they weren't interested. They liked meeting for X time for breakfast we didn't. Obv we walked and they breakfasted without us early.

It was just a real mismatch of norms generally and holiday approach.

Anyway we're still close friends but we've never mentioned that hol again!

So my guess, just a guess is they are more do whatever feel like esp on hol and found your v generous and tbh normal thing of eating at X time together every day just... Like a fixed must do iyswim? That is not what holiday means for them.

Forget about it, just one of those things.. Don't let it affect your friendship. Don't holiday with them again obv!

Rp735 · 22/11/2021 01:44

Nothing against cereal for dinner! We just went ahead and cooked for ourselves and some extra in case they wanted some. The food was simple and similar to what they cook when they host us. But in hindsight I agree with @CheeseMmmm while we are friends we are fundamentally very different as families. Funny it was only obvious when living together under the same roof. We have had several holidays together just not self catering. We will continue to be friends ofcourse.

OP posts:
CheeseMmmm · 22/11/2021 02:41

Good for you OP :)

Glad you are staying friends.

I am NEVER going on hols with friends again ever Grin even though they're all lovely.

SleepingStandingUp · 22/11/2021 09:43

[quote Rp735]@SleepingStandingUp Smile I doubt that. They had children with them. We did ask if they were ok to which they said they were. Didn't push further as it seemed intrusive as they didn't want to seem to share.[/quote]
So the whole family his in the parents room whilst you ate??

TheSoapyFrog · 22/11/2021 09:56

I'd say different routines/expectations. We went to stay with my dad, his wife and their two young kids and our routines were massively different. We got up early, had breakfast, got dressed, went out, had lunch, went out again, had dinner, played and kids went to bed at about 8pm.
Now my dad's family get up around 11am, don't have breakfast, don't bother with lunch, have dinner around 9pm and the kids stay up until 11pm/midnight and sometimes later.
So it's possible they just didn't want to eat the same thing as you at the same time.

Comedycook · 22/11/2021 10:01

Why don't people just talk to each other?! Life would be so much easier!

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