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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask if you have a favourite child?

75 replies

videovixen · 21/11/2021 15:39

I was having a conversation with my friend recently and the topic of favouritism with kids came up.

My friend was saying that she thinks people who have a favourite child loves that child more than the other/others. When I was growing up I always thought if someone has a favourite child, it just means they like them more than their other kids (either because of personality, their connection or that child is just more likeable) but it never occurred to me that they may love that child more. Tbh I still think the same thing now so I was really interested in her viewpoint as I'd never considered it.

What are people's views on this? If you have a favourite child do you love them more than the other/others? May be hard to admit but I just wonder how if this is really the case for some people

OP posts:

OnceuponaRainbow18 · 21/11/2021 18:04

I have a much easier child who is really easy going, rarely tantrums, is so sweet and polite and easy to be around; so it’s hard to not show him favouritism as he’s 40 Xs easier. When I try and do similar things with my other child they tantrum, hit others, moan, whinge… but dims the easier one more loved- defo not, but I do prefer to take them out!

bizboz · 21/11/2021 18:05

Love both of mine equally but I do find the one that is more similar to me easier to understand and I think that is sometimes reflected in my relationships with both of them, although I try very hard not to let it.

Hankunamatata · 21/11/2021 18:09

Yes but it changes on an hourly basis

Idontbelieveit14 · 21/11/2021 18:11

I have an easier child but not a favourite child

SarahBellam · 21/11/2021 18:20

Equally but different if that makes sense. My DD is quiet, studious, talented at sports, and enjoys ‘hanging out’ with me. I’ve had zero problems with her and fully expect her to do great things when she’s older. I’m very proud of her and the woman she is becoming. My DS on the other hand is like a whirlwind. He is very very funny, great at telling stories, and has everyone in stitches most of the time. He has TONNES of friends who seem to spend most of their time round at our house eating all the biscuits and drinking all the squash. He’s also kind of an idiot and sometimes I listen to him talking and I’m thinking WTF? The ideal child is probably somewhere halfway between the two of them! They are both very loved and precious to me and they know that.

Yestoallthecake · 21/11/2021 18:26

My eldest always asks if I prefer him or his younger brother. My answer is honest, whoever is behaving better that day.

Cyw2018 · 21/11/2021 19:04

I have an emotionally abusive mother, and grew up with a scapegoat/golden child dynamic. So there was absolutely a favourite in my family and it made for a very damaging upbringing.

DBI78 · 21/11/2021 19:51

My son is a lot younger than my daughter so way more cuddly and lovable plus he still thinks I'm awesome but I have loads in common with daughter. Favourites in different ways.

Lilolily · 21/11/2021 20:10

The cat!

esloquehay · 21/11/2021 20:14

I feel guilty saying this, but for the first few months of my twins' life, the youngest was my favourite. 🤦🤦🤦
I can honestly say 3.5 years later that neither is my favourite.

LondonGrub · 21/11/2021 20:16

No.I honestly like them and love them both the same. They are awesome.

Mummysgonetobed · 21/11/2021 20:20

Love my 3 equally but there are definitely times that I prefer one over another. The one that says he’ll have school dinners and I don’t need to make him a packed lunch generally gets my favourite child vote.
Or the one that had a lie in.

TheVolturi · 21/11/2021 20:24

No I don't. But on different days I sometimes find I like one more than the others. Just depends who's being lovely that day! They all have different personalities. Middle child has been so difficult and hard work for the last year, or two even, but he's settling down and I'm actually falling in love with him at the moment, he's so smart and genuinely funny.
First child has asd so he needs me in ways the others don't, and third child will always be the baby of the bunch. I couldn't pick a favourite.

Saladcreamormayo · 21/11/2021 20:32

I love mine equally but I do prefer the personality of my youngest. My eldest is quite a selfish child whereas my youngest is a very caring and sharing and thoughtful child. they are very different. makes me kind of favour my youngest, although I do love them both equally.

Wanderlust20 · 21/11/2021 20:32

I suspect I'm my dad's favourite(!) but I don't think it means he loves me more than my siblings, just that we're so alike and get on better.

MostlyNormalSometimesOdd · 21/11/2021 21:09

Yes I have a favourite child.

Not one of my own children mind you......

MrsBobDylan · 21/11/2021 21:12

My 3 are so different to each other. I love/like each of them so much, it'd be impossible to love any one of them more than another.

I have very excellent children though

Peace43 · 21/11/2021 21:13

My dog (don’t tell my lovely DD )

ParkheadParadise · 21/11/2021 21:18

My mum had 6 of us, I was the favourite BUT I wasn't allowed to tell the others.
Turns out they also were her favourite but they hadn't to tell the others.😂😂. I was the baby of the family and spoiled by the others and I secretly know I was the favourite 😛

WimpoleHat · 21/11/2021 22:19

@MostlyNormalSometimesOdd

Yes I have a favourite child.

Not one of my own children mind you......

😂😂😂😂😂

guffaux · 21/11/2021 22:48

i think that children genuinely know when there is a favourite- and certainly by adulthood they know- it is heartbreaking to watch the unfavoured make every effort to have an acknowledgement of their parent's love, or even an acknowledgement that the parent recognises something of value in their child, and then see the favoured child be lavished with loving comments or material tokens of that parent's love

Aliveandkicking23 · 21/11/2021 22:57

I have a favourite son and a favourite daughter.

londonmummy1966 · 21/11/2021 23:00

Both my DC assure me on a regular basis that the other is my favourite child so I must be getting something right....

LondonWolf · 21/11/2021 23:06

No but I have one of each and definitely have more in common with my girl, we spend more time together and she wants to be with me more. However I make a huge effort to make sure I communicate with them equally. For example I realised I send my dd silly texts and check in with her through the day because she has always needed that level of communication. I make sure now that I text him too at least once a day - just “love you, hope you’re having a great day” or a meme that might make him laugh and I’ve noticed he responds more and texts me more now too. Also make a point of asking for a “hug for your old Mum” when he emerges from his room for food or drink. I think if they’re not very demonstrative it’s very easy to just think they know already you love them/think they’re great and you get used to not really saying it. I really make the effort to show him.

NFLBingo · 21/11/2021 23:11

I have two DDs and love them both unconditionally but I like different things about them.
The eldest is inquisitive, funny, smart and caring - Whilst all lovely traits they can get a bit much after 10-12 hours of non-stop questions and talking and she has a lot of emotions which sometimes spill over so she has wicked tantrums.
My youngest is the sweetest little thing and very bright. The way she lights up when she sees me and wraps her arms around my neck in a koala-esque embrace melts my heart, however we suspect she has some additional needs which will become more pronounced in time and she puts everything in her mouth and destroys everything in her wake so it can be overwhelming when she’s always ill (especially with Covid everywhere) and my home is an absolute mess.

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