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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you have a favourite child?

75 replies

videovixen · 21/11/2021 15:39

I was having a conversation with my friend recently and the topic of favouritism with kids came up.

My friend was saying that she thinks people who have a favourite child loves that child more than the other/others. When I was growing up I always thought if someone has a favourite child, it just means they like them more than their other kids (either because of personality, their connection or that child is just more likeable) but it never occurred to me that they may love that child more. Tbh I still think the same thing now so I was really interested in her viewpoint as I'd never considered it.

What are people's views on this? If you have a favourite child do you love them more than the other/others? May be hard to admit but I just wonder how if this is really the case for some people

OP posts:
peboh · 21/11/2021 16:24

I only have one child, so yes haha.

I'm one of four though, and my mum definitely has a favourite. I don't doubt that she loves us all equally, however she just gets on better with one of my siblings, and has more in common with them now we're all adults and doing our thing. It's not a bad thing, it's just life.

Sally872 · 21/11/2021 16:24

I agree with you favourite doesn't mean more loved. I love both my children equally but one (5 year old) is much easier to deal with than the other (preteen) right now. I am sure that will change though as youngest gets to a more challenging age.

logsonlogsoff · 21/11/2021 16:27

Nope. Love them both an insanely enormous amount but the same amount. I find it weird when people have favourites,
I have friends who’s parents had favourites and I just don’t get how you could do that to your child.

Tonyschoco · 21/11/2021 16:28

[quote videovixen]@Tonyschoco what are you even talking about? Most of the posts I've made have been about my own personal experiences or based on conversations I've had with someone else. When did I ever post a thread about breastfeeding? So confusedConfused[/quote]
My mistake. I was thinking of the wrong thread. You’re the confused-Covid-hand-baby-bus thread. I knew there was one that gained traction. 👍🏻

Disfordarkchocolate · 21/11/2021 16:30

No I don't have a favourite, I adore them all. Some are easier to get on with or I have more in common with. That doesn't mean I love them more. They all bring me so much joy.

TheCanyon · 21/11/2021 16:32

I've got 4dc, can tell you that they're all my favourite right now, two eldest dds upstairs in their rooms and youngest dts over at their pals.

The reality is no, I don't have a favourite and sometimes, I don't even like any of them.

Mmmmdanone · 21/11/2021 16:33

I get on better with my dd, as in we are always doing things together and love each others company. My ds doesn't want to hang out with me at all🤣
But I love the both with all my heart.

Fidgetty · 21/11/2021 16:34

I "loved" my second child when she was born much, much more than I'd loved my first when she was born. I had a horrendous birth the first time around, very traumatic and the baby was whisked away, no skin to skin etc. and I think that was the reason behind the initial disconnect. Alongside the general shock of first time motherhood. I was very protective of her but I didn't have feelings of love until she was about 9 months + it was a case of fake it til you make it.

With my second child it was an instant deep bond. I did fear I would love her more overall as I felt so connected to her and found her so easy to parent but it all evened out in the end luckily!

Now I have favourites based on who's the best behaved on any given day Grin

User310 · 21/11/2021 16:46

I think it depends on which aspects of love you are referring to. I have two children, one teen and one toddler. I absolutely adore my toddler and he is just my little joy. My daughter is more like the other half of me. We get on very well and I really enjoy chatting with her and having a cuddle on the sofa but she will also be a-bit hormonal at times and isn’t as dependent on me as my toddler, so there is a-bit more emotional distance.

I would however equally enjoy a day with either child separately. I would say with my toddler, it’s more intense ‘love’ at the moment but that’s because he’s so little and needs me so much more and I’m watching him learn and grow daily.

If i was talking about the protective aspect of love then I would say it was completely equal maybe leaning more so towards my teen as she is not with me all the time.

I think it all just depends, I love them both completely and equally but just feel a more maternal fierce love with my toddler at the moment because he is adorable and cute.
I felt the same fierce maternal love for my daughter when she was this age too so I’m sure in a few years when my youngest is being a handful and my teen and I are going out for nice lunch’s, there will be more of an equal footing if on ‘favourite’.

Original poster
videovixen · 21/11/2021 16:49

I have friends who’s parents had favourites and I just don’t get how you could do that to your child.

I personally think it's understandable but then again it's also unfair. My uncle has 4 kids with one woman and she always made it clear which one was her favourite. Even when I was young I used to think, 'imagine being the other kids knowing your mum has someone else as her favourite.'🤦‍♀️
Not exactly the end of the world but still

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CloseThePackWithAClickClack · 21/11/2021 16:50

My favourite child changes depending on the situation and their mood. One being cute and cuddly = my fave. Same child then refuses to do something and has a tantrum = not my fave. And so on with the other DC.

Love them both equally.

GoodnightGrandma · 21/11/2021 16:51

I love mine all the same, but the favourite changes depending on what’s happening.
My all time favourite is my dog 🤣

Original poster
videovixen · 21/11/2021 16:51

How have either of those threads been goady/volatile?
Why are you even policing what people post on an open anonymous forum anyway?
All very strange @Tonyschoco

OP posts:
CynthiaRothrock · 21/11/2021 16:54

I tell both of mine i dislike them Equally 🤣

However i prefer them both in seperate situations. The youngest is the kind, caring nurturing one, gives the most cuddles, nurse you when you are ill etc. The eldest is best for debate, deep conversation and banter, cannot be offended and has a very dark sense of humor. Absolutely different sides Of the same coin.

Tonyschoco · 21/11/2021 16:59

@videovixen

How have either of those threads been goady/volatile? Why are you even policing what people post on an open anonymous forum anyway? All very strange *@Tonyschoco*
I said I’d made a mistake. I knew your username was lodged in my mind from a recent thread and those were two that had been active for ages and I muddled them.
LemonElephant · 21/11/2021 17:00

Well I have 5, and actually I do have a favorite. My 3rd born ds, he was born SN and while I love all of them with all of my heart, and they do all make me so proud; but to see him battle through every single damn day, without so much as a whinge, just makes my heart really full. I do feel I need to add all of my children are equally loved and praised- he doesn’t get treated differently for being different iyswim! But secretly, he’s brilliant.

riotlady · 21/11/2021 17:12

I feel like having a favourite if you have 4 or 5 kids isn’t as bad as if you only have 2, because then there’s several “non-favourites”, if that makes sense. My mum favoured my sister and it always made me feel like there was something wrong with me.

Lachimolala · 21/11/2021 17:13

I don’t have a favourite, but I definitely have one that’s noticeably ‘easier’ than the other two.

TheLovelinessOfDemons · 21/11/2021 17:16

No I love them all the same, I like DS1 most though. We're friends now that he's an adult

Original poster
videovixen · 21/11/2021 17:22

@riotlady

I feel like having a favourite if you have 4 or 5 kids isn’t as bad as if you only have 2, because then there’s several “non-favourites”, if that makes sense. My mum favoured my sister and it always made me feel like there was something wrong with me.
Yeah this is true actually. I can see why you thought like that growing up too. My mum only has two and if she had a favourite/obvious favourite then that'd definitely be a horrible feeling
OP posts:
ponkydonkey · 21/11/2021 17:37

I'd fight to the death for both of my children
One is a teen and well they are trying at the best of times
The other one is a cute 8 yr old who still loves his mummy

I love them the same .... but tolerance levels differ!

MrsTumbletap · 21/11/2021 17:41

Definitely my DS, but then he is my only one. Smile

moleeye · 21/11/2021 17:47

@CoodleMoodle I could've written your post! I have a 7 year old dd and a almost 3 year old ds.

How I feel about them changes depending on their mood swings and who annoys me less!

I also love them most when they play nicely together and are sleeping!!

IthinkIsawahairbrushbackthere · 21/11/2021 18:00

I don't have one favourite child, I have five. They are all adults and even now they will pretend to compete to be favourite. A few weeks ago the youngest and oldest were here for a weekend. The youngest left a note on the fridge saying "DC5 is the favourite child" - the moment she walked out the door it was changed to "DC1".

We love them all equally but play along with things like "I know my favourite child will make me a cup of tea/load the dishwasher/go out and get some milk!"

As the book says "You're ALL my favourites"!

CeratopsofthePharoahs · 21/11/2021 18:02

As above, it depends on how they're behaving at the time! My eldest is 10 and is growing himself a brilliant sense of humour. We have a lot in common.
My youngest is 7 and a massive cuddlebug. I'll be honest, I find him harder to relate to than ds1 and he didn't sleep properly until he was 3 which broke me. However he's a really sweet boy who is naturally very kind and has a lovely smile.
In short I don't have a favourite, though I have told both of them that they give the best cuddles!