Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Pregnant with 6 month old

53 replies

samantha29 · 21/11/2021 14:07

Hi.

I really need some advice. I have a 6 month old baby and have just found out that I am pregnant again. I would be happy about this but I am not in a very good situation…my husband has just left as he has suffered a lot of mental health issues after the birth of our first baby and I would be doing this alone. I don’t think i will be able to cope and I feel I need to terminate to prioritise the baby I already have.

OP posts:
jeaux90 · 21/11/2021 14:52

Only you can decide but I would agree that another baby now is not good timing. If a friend asked me this question I would be totally supportive of a termination.

Original poster
samantha29 · 21/11/2021 16:59

@jeaux90 Thank you for coming back to me. I keep reading stories of women who regret their decision for ever. I can’t think of one good reason to have a baby at this point but I am so worried about regret and guilt. My priorities right now are my 6 month old daughter, my husband has been saying things like he doesn’t love her and hasn’t bonded with her. I honestly cannot do this right now…please tell me I don’t need to feel guilty

OP posts:
Justheretoaskaquestion91 · 21/11/2021 17:04

I think to fall pregnant 6 months after having a baby is very very very quick indeed and you don’t need anyone approval but if it it helps you I am just saying I personally think it’s very reasonable to not want to deal with that gap. And that’s without your husband walking out!

TedMullins · 21/11/2021 17:06

Of course you don’t need to feel guilty! The only reason anyone needs to have a termination is that they don’t want a baby, for any reason. That’s it. It does sound like it’ll be too much to deal with two alone especially dealing with the fallout from your husband’s exit. Many people have terminations and never regret them or even give them another thoigh.

TedMullins · 21/11/2021 17:06

Thought*

RobertaFirmino · 21/11/2021 20:09

Of course you don't need to feel guilty! I had a termination myself and you know what? I felt guilty for NOT feeling guilty!

Why feel any scrap of guilt at all? You have made a decision which is right for you and your daughter. I think it is the right decision FWIW - prioritise the child who is already here. Wishing you all the best.

jeaux90 · 22/11/2021 09:27

I hope you are doing ok. I forgot to say I did have a termination before, I have a DD12, I'm a single mum and it was a decision based very much on your reasoning. I don't feel guilty at all.

JollyJoon · 22/11/2021 09:32

I would do the same thing on your shoes Samantha. You are doing the responsible thing. Don't feel guilty x

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 22/11/2021 10:13

You absolutely don’t need to feel guilty

If I wanted another baby at some point, though, I’d probably take time before making a decision. Having them close together would be tough at first but easier as they got older.

Not to pressure you, I’d just say take your time to decide

Subeccoo · 22/11/2021 10:19

Please don't feel guilty, you are right to want to focus on one little one at the moment, you've been through a lot.
As a pp said, I had one and felt more guilty about not feeling guilty. It was 100% the right decision for me, I'd have a 10 year old and be tied to me abusive ex, never regretted it for one second.

Good luck

shushits1am · 22/11/2021 23:57

I am currently up with teething 18 month old while my 4 month old is stirring in the other room. There's only 1 of me- dp left. I think you need to wait so you can enjoy your second baby and give them both the childhood you want.

Marvellousmadness · 23/11/2021 00:35

You dont have to feel guilty about contemplating an abortion. Nor do you have to feel guilty about having one. You need to do what's best for you. Your 6mo and Your dh.

Only you know what would be best for you

You are however U on the fact that you haven't used precautions whilst having sex when you dint want another baby .

NowEvenBetter · 23/11/2021 00:39

Nothing at all to feel guilty about. Most abortions are performed on women who already have a kid. Women are indoctrinated from infancy to think their sole purpose is for reproducing, and anything other than that is deviant. Fuck that. Do what’s best for you and your infant. The guy sounds pathetic, he urgently needs to have a vasectomy and use condoms, since he can’t cope with the natural consequences of his chosen actions.

Flittingaboutagain · 23/11/2021 06:22

Hi OP. I'm going to start trying for a second next month when my baby will be six months. There are lots of mums making it work with this age gap on here. Many of them post about how the first two years were really hard but now their children are close and they love having kids with a small age gap. If you want a second baby, you will too. It all comes down to how you feel, whether you have any friends or family that could support you and what feels right. Best wishes.

CecilyP · 23/11/2021 07:29

Has your husband just left, Fittingaboutagain?

BonesInTheOcean · 23/11/2021 07:32

What ever you do is ok, no one has the right to judge you, ever.

Flowers you got this

Porcupineintherough · 23/11/2021 07:37

No need to feel guilty at all. You can be sad to have to make the decision but still be sure it's the right one.

Nanny0gg · 23/11/2021 08:39

It would be hard with two of you, let alone by yourself.

Do what's right for you, no guilt.

Good luck

Mystermiow · 23/11/2021 08:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TurnUpTurnip · 23/11/2021 08:43

I had two alone born a year apart, almost exactly (just 2 days different) I was a single mum as my ex left me, it really wasn’t that bad but of course the choice is yours. I didn’t have family support either so if you do that will make things easier anyway.

Legoninjago1 · 23/11/2021 08:45

I have the same age gap as you would have OP and it's lovely.

Legoninjago1 · 23/11/2021 08:47

Sorry sent too soon. Meant to say it is hard work of course but getting easier all the time. You must do what's right for you Thanks

Original poster
samantha29 · 23/11/2021 08:50

Thank you for all your responses. I know I have got my self into this situation as I have been too preoccupied trying to get my bloody marriage back on track and I am very angry with myself!

However, to knowingly bring a baby into a bad situation doesn’t feel right. I need to be able to know I can bring my daughter up to the absolute best of my ability as that is what every child deserves, I can’t do that in this situation. I know I would love the baby more than anything..but I also know my resources and every cell in my body is telling me to protect the baby I already have?

Should I really have a baby over fear of guilt? Is that right? X

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 23/11/2021 08:51

Should I really have a baby over fear of guilt?

You might feel guilty if you terminate but I'm almost certain you'll feel guilty if you have two children you can't look after as well as you'd like.

I don't think the worry of guilt should play a part in your decision.

Bancha · 23/11/2021 08:54

You don’t need to decide today. You have time.

If you want to have an abortion then you shouldn’t feel guilty for any reason. It’s your body and your choice.

It sounds like you’re not fully decided though, so for what it’s worth I think it boils down to whether you can give the baby you already have the childhood you would want to if you had another pregnancy and another baby now. What impact would that have on your own well-being and your ability to parent. I know I couldn’t have done it, even with a DH, and I wouldn’t have wanted to either because I wanted DD to have me to herself for longer. Of course, others will manage perfectly fine and want a really small gap. Neither is right of wrong. But I would say if you’re thinking about what is right for the babies, you owe a lot more to the child you already have than a hypothetical child.