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Original poster

To think jealousy causes a lot of friendship issues?

43 replies

ILoveHuskies · 21/11/2021 12:02

Just this really.

I think if there's a disparity of incomes / lifestyles etc it can cause some people to be spiteful and negative towards their friends, even if it's a subconscious thing. Particularly if someone's income / situation changes for the better

I've seen it happen times. Someone starts doing better in life and some people don't like it. So the subtle bitching starts and the talking behind their back etc (I personally distance myself from people if they do this)

It's happened to me as well, I've been really broke in the past, I was a single mum, I've been days off being homeless, I've been on benefits,
I've lived in really shitty accommodation in a bad area. But in the last ten years or so I've improved my life a lot, I have a decent job, own a nice house and also had a bit of good luck which has helped. And when things started to improve for me I noticed one or two friends start to make digs at me (again I distanced myself). And I'm sure it's because I am no longer someone for them to look down on.

Anyway just something I've been pondering!

OP posts:
FortunesFave · 21/11/2021 12:16

Some cannot stand to see others succeed. You're better of without them in your life. True friends feel joy when you achieve something.

Original poster
ILoveHuskies · 21/11/2021 12:23

@FortunesFave

Some cannot stand to see others succeed. You're better of without them in your life. True friends feel joy when you achieve something.
Yes i know I do when I see friends succeed. I want them to be happy and successful

However I think some can't handle it 😞which is a shame

OP posts:
DinoDinner · 21/11/2021 12:50

True friends are ecstatic when you are successful. I feel immense joy when something good happens to one of my mates as they do me.

Someone who is jealous is not a friend.

I get envious of friends sometimes, especially with childcare help and parents giving them
Money. But it's brief and it passes but never jealous!

Bluntness100 · 21/11/2021 12:56

I’ve never witnessed this in my friendship circle but we have been friends for years.

However mumsnet has taught me that envy is a big thing for some people and it is a negative force in their life.

Original poster
ILoveHuskies · 21/11/2021 13:18

@DinoDinner

True friends are ecstatic when you are successful. I feel immense joy when something good happens to one of my mates as they do me.

Someone who is jealous is not a friend.

I get envious of friends sometimes, especially with childcare help and parents giving them
Money. But it's brief and it passes but never jealous!

Yes I feel same

I've definitely experienced envy. I remember a few years ago everyone seemed to be buying houses and there's me in my rented council house with mould and no hope of buying😂

but have never wanted to be spiteful to anyone because of it

OP posts:
MatildaIThink · 21/11/2021 13:22

I have seen it happen to some people, my brother did lose a few friends to jealousy when he made a huge success of things after starting his own business, but has he pragmatically said, "If their reaction to his success is negative then they were never true friends in the first place".

Plotato · 21/11/2021 13:22

@DinoDinner

True friends are ecstatic when you are successful. I feel immense joy when something good happens to one of my mates as they do me.

Someone who is jealous is not a friend.

I get envious of friends sometimes, especially with childcare help and parents giving them
Money. But it's brief and it passes but never jealous!

I think I get your point but envy and jealousy are synonyms surely?
MatildaIThink · 21/11/2021 13:24

@Bluntness100

I’ve never witnessed this in my friendship circle but we have been friends for years.

However mumsnet has taught me that envy is a big thing for some people and it is a negative force in their life.

I agree, MN opened my eyes to just how envious some people are, to the point of hatred of anyone who has done for themselves, I had seen it a little bit in the real world, but nothing like the scale on here. It does however seem that on here the level of crazies is amplified on all levels, not just hatred of success.
MatildaIThink · 21/11/2021 13:26

@Plotato
I think I get your point but envy and jealousy are synonyms surely?

Symptoms of what though? Envy and jealousy can have some background behind them from low self-esteem, feelings of inadequacy, lack of personal responsibility etc., but are also often thought of as character flaws.

honeylulu · 21/11/2021 13:26

I think it can do, particularly if the disparity is large and you have very different lifestyles. This has really (albeit gradually) affected the two long term friendships I have had since school. They both chose to be SAHMs. One is now divorced and the other's husband had to give up work through ill health so both had to return to work PT but after so many years out of the workplace, they earn barely more than minimum wage. I started having to be very careful about what I mentioned when we met up. If I mentioned a holiday for example (as part of an anecdote, not crowing about it) one of them would get all huffy and eye rolly. If we went anywhere they started expecting me to pay. I would have offered anyway but the expectation started to feel quite rude, especially as I'd then get all the "how the other half live" comments as if they were happy to accept my money but were also going to make me feel bad for having it.

We're still in touch but don't see each other much. I dread to think what they say about me while I'm not there!

stealingbeauty · 21/11/2021 13:28

I completely agree - someone did this to me when my life improved. It hurt a lot and was completely unexpected. I’d been in a terrible situation for a long time with a lot of ill health, poverty, and bad luck. A sudden turn of events happened and my life improved drastically. From then on it was constant digs every time I saw her and a lot of blatant jealousy. So sad to see. Sometimes you actually find out who your true friends are when good things happen to you.

malificent7 · 21/11/2021 13:28

You are not wrong op...friends can be competetive. Tis a drag.

Cocomarine · 21/11/2021 13:30

I’m going to say to “a lot” of friendship issues, on my anecdotal experience.
In many many years and friendships, across multiple life situations and incomes, I’ve only seen shitty jealous behaviour in one person, and frankly she wasn’t a true friend to any in the group but (we realised retrospectively) an entitled user from the start.
So it was never a true friendship anyway.

I’m not saying jealousy can’t be an issue - but my own experience is that it isn’t a common one.

MatildaIThink · 21/11/2021 13:30

@malificent7

You are not wrong op...friends can be competetive. Tis a drag.
There is a huge difference between being competitive and being jealous.
DrManhattan · 21/11/2021 13:30

Some (weird) people actually like looking down on others. I avoid them as they just bring me down (no one needs that)

honeylulu · 21/11/2021 13:31

I think I get your point but envy and jealousy are synonyms surely

They are often used as synonyms but are slightly different. Envy is coveting what someone else has. Jealousy is a feeling that something is threatening what you currently have. There is of course a lot of crossover.

Globaluser · 21/11/2021 13:58

Friendships can fade for numerous reasons, obviously. And jealousy is one of them, yes.

Plotato · 21/11/2021 13:58

[quote MatildaIThink]@Plotato
I think I get your point but envy and jealousy are synonyms surely?

Symptoms of what though? Envy and jealousy can have some background behind them from low self-esteem, feelings of inadequacy, lack of personal responsibility etc., but are also often thought of as character flaws.[/quote]
Synonyms not symptoms Smile

TracyLords · 21/11/2021 14:04

@Plotato. I don’t understand what you mean... you’re jealous of the Simpsons?

MatildaIThink · 21/11/2021 14:07

@plotato

Ah, one of those days!

Mackmama · 21/11/2021 14:14

After many years I’ve realised a close friend of mine can never be happy for anyone else. I think the reason we’ve stayed close for so long is because my family have had such a lot of ongoing issues with health, finances etc… they’ve enjoyed the perception of being ‘on top’. Sadly they’re now facing some fertility issues which is the one area where we’ve been very fortunate and had few problems. I’m very careful about what I say and would never dream of saying anything to be boastful about it and I genuinely hope it works itself out for them but it’s really made me see them for who they are.

Oblomov21 · 21/11/2021 15:33

Nope. I don't feel that way about any of my friends, and I know they don't about me.

Iputthetrampintrampoline · 21/11/2021 15:51

i genuinely love to see other people doing well and I like that bit of my personality but I have seen and experienced jealousy from people who I would have never expected it from and its ugly, I think we need to celebrate every success little or large more in life, I personally think jealousy is a kin to illness its a horrible trait to be stuck with so I pity rather than condem jealous behaviour but been on the end of it it is very hard and very painful when its directed at you,

Original poster
ILoveHuskies · 21/11/2021 15:57

@DrManhattan

Some (weird) people actually like looking down on others. I avoid them as they just bring me down (no one needs that)
Definitely!
OP posts:
over2021 · 21/11/2021 16:05

I have experienced this. It hurts.

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