To think jealousy causes a lot of friendship issues?

[ILoveHuskies]

Just this really.

I think if there's a disparity of incomes / lifestyles etc it can cause some people to be spiteful and negative towards their friends, even if it's a subconscious thing. Particularly if someone's income / situation changes for the better

I've seen it happen times. Someone starts doing better in life and some people don't like it. So the subtle bitching starts and the talking behind their back etc (I personally distance myself from people if they do this)

It's happened to me as well, I've been really broke in the past, I was a single mum, I've been days off being homeless, I've been on benefits,
I've lived in really shitty accommodation in a bad area. But in the last ten years or so I've improved my life a lot, I have a decent job, own a nice house and also had a bit of good luck which has helped. And when things started to improve for me I noticed one or two friends start to make digs at me (again I distanced myself). And I'm sure it's because I am no longer someone for them to look down on.

Anyway just something I've been pondering!

I experienced this when I lost weight. I was so hurt by some of my closest friends reactions. First they were saying lovely things, which I didn't even need. But then there would come comments and excluding me and the looking up and down. I didn't even feel like I changed but they acted like a was a different person

I think a lot of interpersonal issues generally are caused by jealousy, and I think people have a tendency to compare themselves to others especially when they don’t feel secure in their own lives. These can be fairly natural emotions which sometimes people would benefit from being more honest about.

I think it depends on who you are and who your friends are. If you are people for whom material possessions mean a lot, then it can get competitive and people can be jealous. If you don't put value in those things in life, then this is less likely to be an issue.

"I want you to do well but not too well".

I've had friends and family do this to me. It hurts like hell. This particular cousin of mine then went and befriended my close friend and now they're close and im a nobody.
It's the case of 'stay below me or beside me. But don't ever try to be above me'. I've noticed it recently and still learning that people can be mean and will find a reason to hate you

But sometimes the person who has done well becomes an arsehole about it. Perhaps it shows that they now consider themselves superior and the other person gets sick of hearing about their fabulous new life. It works both ways.

I’ve found this is rarely from people doing ok themselves— if it happens it’s usually from people who are struggling somewhat

@PWYP76

"I want you to do well but not too well".

Absolutely 👏🏻

It's not personally something I've experienced within my friendship circle. We all met at our first proper job at McDonald's. I was the first one to leave and get a high paying job and moved into a nice place of my own. Over the course of the last 20 years, I ended up becoming a single mother on benefits, in a council house, raising twins, one of whom is disabled. I was made redundant when pregnant. My friends went on to become successful in their own jobs, have homes, go on expensive holidays several times a year, weekends away, flash cars etc. They've done well for themselves, they've worked hard and I'm happy for them. I don't get to do all the fun stuff they do, and sometimes I'm a little wistful, but not jealous.

I agree this does happen and it’s a shame but you’ve given just one side.

What about the flip side, which is when relatives/friends distance themselves when they become very well off and only want to spend time with those they see as equals?

Yes i know I do when I see friends succeed. I want them to be happy and successful

So you’ve never had a twinge of envy when you’ve seen people achieve the things you want for yourself?

It’s possible to be a bit envious and not begrudge people their success.

I think that there are lots of people who don't actually understand what friendship is. And who confuse acquaintance and people who you happen to know, work with, live near with friends.

@Dishwashersaurous

I think that there are lots of people who don't actually understand what friendship is. And who confuse acquaintance and people who you happen to know, work with, live near with friends.

That's true but not really what my post is about

But people who make digs at you and make you unhappy are not your friends, they are simply people that you know.

Friends don't make people feel bad

They may feel that your success draws attention to their own lack of success. It’s not so much that they want to bring you down. They feel vulnerable.

Of course, some people don’t like to see others succeed. The sad thing is, is that they think they are far more superior than others; posting on social medial their “lifestyle” but in reality, they are probably in a lot of debt.
Success or not, it costs nothing to be kind. Some of which, struggle with this.
I have distanced myself with these “friends” because I simply could let care less what they think. As you get older, you want to have less drama and less people knowing about your business

Couldn’t*

@Dishwashersaurous

But people who make digs at you and make you unhappy are not your friends, they are simply people that you know.

Friends don't make people feel bad

Yes I see what you mean.

Definitely. Real Friends don't make other friends feel bad

It's really sad to realise that people you thought were friends, actually aren't. But please don't waste emotional energy on them