To ask at what stage you’d want to be in a 7 year relationship?

[MrsSpringWater]

Just that really. 7 years into a relationship. Mid 20s to mid 30s age group. Where would you want to be ? Married? Kids? Travelling the world? Making memories?

DH and I got together we were 22. I got a new job and moved from Edinburgh to Glasgow to live with him at 23, engaged at 24, married a few weeks before we both turned 26, moved into our first owned home at 29.

We're now 31 and neither of us wants kids - we're happy with the dog and lots of holidays

After 7 years, marriage. If you're not sure about someone after that long, then what else is going to persuade you?

But then marriage was important to me. It's not for everyone.

With DH, we were married with DC1 by then.

But if I was mid-20s? Well, none of my 20-something relationships lasted that long, so dunno really.

Mid 20s and 7yrs in: living together, engaged with a date or possibly married, joint bank account, agreed future path for DCs/career etc. Committed, but still free enough to have fun.
Mid 30s and 7yrs in: married, bought a house if incomes allow, either have a DC/pregnant/TTC.

FWIW I was 30 and DH was 41 when we were 7yrs in. We had bought a house, were married, and I was pregnant with our 1st DC. It was a few years earlier than ideal for me for DC1, but it was a compromise due to DH's age.

DH and I are just 30, together just under 7 years. Married with 3 kids (4, 2 and a newborn).

DH and I got together when I was 25 and he was 33, though we'd known each other for a few years. Engaged after 2 years , married at the 3.5 year mark, baby at 6.5 years. Married 20 years this year.

DH and I met at when I was 21, he was 18. Engaged after 1.5 years, 3 cats by 3 years, married after 4 years, lived together the whole time but bought our first house after 7.5 years. We're 9 years in now and I would have liked to have had 2 kids by now but were struggling with infertility 😞

7 years in I was 31. Married, house, 1dc.
Dh was a decade older.
Social life was a bit shit. Dc now early teens. Social life is much, much better.

At seven years I was 30, owned a house, had been married for two years and had a one year old. That felt perfect to me. I made it clear that I wanted marriage around the four year mark and wasn't going to hang about waiting for a proposal. It sounds cold but I would have left him if we hadn't been married after seven years of being together - I was very keen to have children.

We were living in our third country by the time we’s been together for seven years — had just left a commune in the US and were both doing postgraduate degrees and living on a houseboat on air and small change. It was a brilliant time. There are no timetables. Our life would have seemed rackety and improvised to people who prioritised stability, children etc, but those would have seemed claustrophobic to me.

Mid twenties - travelling the world with my career
30 - house buying
Mid thirties - babies

In my head, that's the ideal, I didn't manage it in that order though.

At 7 years with DH we were engaged but I was Mid to late 20s by then. No kids and renting a house together. Age will make a huge difference. Mid 20s 7 years not being married or having kids yet doesn't seem so weird but Mid 30s after 7 years might mean missing out on chance to have kids possibly so worth speeding things up a bit!

im early 30's and a year in currently, 6 years from now i would like to be married. No bio DC but partner has a lovely dc who is enough for me :)

I’m sorry, @ChristmasJumpers. I’m sure you’ve heard it said in every possible way, but infertility is totally unfair and complete shite.

Based off my relationship which is around the 7 year mark now having met in my mid-20s, married with cats, buying a house next year?

It depends so much what you want from life, though. Do you (as a couple) want to have children? Do you want to buy a home? Do you want to be married, in general and to each other? Do you have careers which only really hit their stride in your 30s and want to focus on those? If you want children, do you want to travel, be married, own a house first? Do either of you have existing children which might slow the start of your relationship down a bit?

Depending on what you both want from the relationship the answer could be so different.

You could have met at 27, knowing you both wanted kids before your early 30s, and have had a short engagement, a wedding 3 years in and the second baby on the way by 7 years in, and that would be the perfect timeline if that's what you both wanted.

Or you could have met at 27, both be sorting your careers out, move in together after 3 years long distance due to said careers, spend some time travelling, know you don't want children but do want to be married, but want buy a house first so you do that after 18 months living together, then get engaged 6 months after that, then be saving for your house deposit 7 years in. And be equally delighted because you're both in agreement.

I suspect why you're asking is either:

1. That one of you thinks you should be 'further along' in the relationship than the other and has a mental timeline of the order or speed that things should happen which the other doesn't necessarily agree with/want. This needs talking about - if nothing else, after 7 years you can't honestly set out your expectations, wants and needs for your relationship and set boundaries there's a problem. If you want e.g. to be married and they've been promising for years and it doesn't happen you need to decide whether or not they're telling the truth and whether you're willing to compromise on that or leave, for example.

1. That you're comparing yourself to other couples and feeling lacking despite being happy, which is bollocks. Comparison is the thief of joy and if you're happy it doesn't matter whether your biggest milestone is having split the cost of a National Trust membership or having had your third baby, it's nobody else's relationship.

In a long term committed relationship aged 25+ I'd be wanting to build a home, marriage and kids in the near future.

If I was 30 I would want that immediately.

I was at that stage mid 20s, was just buying our first house. It took a few more years before we got engaged, married and had babies. If I was older I would have wanted this to move faster though.

Ideal scenario (late 20's/early 30's):
Engaged after 2 years
Married within the next 2 years
First baby within 2 years after marriage
Second baby on the way at the 7 year mark

7 years in to our relationship took us to lste twenties/early thirties. We were building careers, buying a house, going on lots of fancy holidays, dining out a lot, enjoying life. All in preparation for a few years time when we wanted children, which we now have

Married and to have a child, or at least to have a firm timescale in mind

After 7 years with my ex, I was married for 3 years and had my first child. I was 31.

After 7 years with DH, we were married for 2 years, owned a house, travelling extensively, making heaps of memories , enjoying family life with our (joint) children.

I never had those sorts of plans or expectations.

Was with a bf 19-26.. Knew for fair while not going to be right.

Met DH 32 married in s year kids year after.

These things are unpredictable if you have a plan of where want to be at X you're likely to not meet it it. And then what.

Met Dh aged 21. Got engaged 28, married 29. Ds aged 31, dd aged almost 34.

Through twenties we enjoyed some brilliant holidays (not interested in "travelling"), and put in the hours on our careers but also got a lot of our ducks in a row on finances.

I think the fact you're asking on here is probably what concerns me. It indicates that you and partner have differing views, hence the question.

It's a very generic question as everyone has different circumstances, dreams, plans.

But 7 years is a hefty chunk of time. You should know each other pretty much inside out by now so my questions back would be, what do you want, what does your partner want, how far apart are your views, are they compromisable and why at 7 years you now seem to be questioning it.

I'm guessing a clash of views has come about?

Hard to properly answer with minimal info tbh

It depends on want you want surely? We've been together not married no kids but that's what we both want. Other people want different things.