To buy DS a ‘girly’ hoodie?

[FourteenSixteenTwentyTwo]

DS is 4 and his favourite colour is ‘rainbow’. He doesn’t have a concept of gendered colours, something I’ve been trying to avoid.

I just posted in S&B asking for recommendations for hooded blankets for him for Xmas but then I realised the predicament is actually more about the colour/style.

I have bought myself a beyond tacky pink unicorn hooded blanket for Xmas. Ive bought DP a plain navy blue one*. I know, given a choice, DS would absolutely love to pair with me and have pink and unicorn. And I absolutely don’t mind and usually encourage him to choose what he likes.

However we are now at that age where school play dates are starting and gendered attitudes are starting to come through. DS hasn’t mentioned clothing yet but has alluded time to time about ‘girly’ toys and such - something that didn’t exist in his mind before school.

My concern is that if I do buy him a pink unicorn hoodie he’ll tell his friends or show them when they are around and they will laugh at him. He’s so little and I don’t want to do anything too outside the norm with him that may cause him problems, but nor do I want him to buy into the boys get navy, girls get unicorns. I’m very much of the ‘you be you’ option but so scared for him as bullying is brutal (something I know too well).

So what do you think? AIBU to buy a pink unicorn hoodie for DS?

*DS specifically asked for hooded blanket to wear when working (inc team meetings) hence why his is navy and not also pink. Otherwise I’d be buying him an equally tacky one.

Look for an inbetween option? That isn't a bright pink Unicorn.

Buy him what you think he will like most!

You’re not saying you plan to dress him exclusively in pink unicorn hoodies, are you? Let him have something fun and tacky. He’s 4. I’m not sure 4 year olds really tease or bully, do they…? Maybe we’ve been too protected or the kids I know are unusual in that regard. I have DS age 7 and 4. The 4 year old has worn some seriously random sequin items to nursery and remains unscathed.

I agree, maybe something in between. It would be different if your DS had specifically asked for the pink unicorn version, but the decision actually lies with you and I’m sure he would love anything snuggly.

If you can't be yourself and like what you like at home, where can you?

When DS was 4 his favourite Paw Patrol pup was Skye, so I bought him Skye PJs. They were pink and from the girls' section. Nobody gave a shit. Odds are nobody will bully him at school for having a "girly" blanket, they'll just think it's awesome. If anybody does comment, well, there's your chance to discuss bullshit sexism with him, and refute it.

It's tricky. The problem is the limited options; everything seems to be divided into a small number of very "girly" or very "boyish" options. So if a boy likes something that the marketers have decided is "for girls", it's really hard to find that thing without also having to buy into other "girly" stuff that goes alongside it. And of course in our sexist society, girl is seen as a demotion so we worry about boys getting teased for having "girls'" things

I don't know what to suggest really. My DS is 4 years old, his favourite colours are pink and purple, and he also likes rainbows... I spent a lot of time looking for clothes for him that aren't obviously "girly" and get quite frustrated! It is easier to find rainbow stuff that's reasonably neutral, though.

Can we help you find something? What is you want, a hooded blanket or a hooded sweatshirt?

Buy him a pink unicorn one. Your 4 year old wouldn't tease someone for wearing one, my kids wouldn't tease someone for wearing one, so why should others?

The worst case scenario is a chat about stupid people, and a hoodie that might only get worn in the house.

When DS2 was 4 he wanted, and got, purple unicorn wellies. The only 'boy' I had to educate was my cousin's 40 year old -idiot- husband.

Thank you for your responses. Maybe I’m worrying more than I need to. I get a lot of comments from MIL and my DF about his ‘questionable’ choices some times so I may be catastrophising.

I’ve actually found some great choices (blue unicorn, red panda) on Next that will work (though admittedly all in the girls section).

The next ones are lovely

Dd has the panda one and ds the camouflage one

@FourteenSixteenTwentyTwo

Thank you for your responses. Maybe I’m worrying more than I need to. I get a lot of comments from MIL and my DF about his ‘questionable’ choices some times so I may be catastrophising.

I’ve actually found some great choices (blue unicorn, red panda) on Next that will work (though admittedly all in the girls section).

I'd go for red panda that sounds cute. Unicorns are a bit overdone.

My son wanted to dress up as a fairy princess for a school non uniform day… I talked him out of it as kids can be mean. In your situation I would offer 2 options both in between ones so they get their say but one that won’t be laughed at for

Unicorns are a bit overdone.

it's not an Instagram spread. The point is to choose the one the child is going to love the most, no?

The red Panda sounds great.

@stalkersaga

Unicorns are a bit overdone.

it's not an Instagram spread. The point is to choose the one the child is going to love the most, no?

Yeah but if they love Unicorns chances are they will have a load of Unicorn shit

Buy him the one he’d like.

I’m a supply teacher and I see little boys with unicorns/rainbow things all the time. Yesterday a boy in a year 3 class brought in his pink unicorn with iridescent shoes for a bring your own toy thing and no one said anything. Kids are generally pretty accepting especially in the younger years (sadly this can wane going up the school)

You do get the occasional kid that doesn’t like it when kids don’t conform to traditional gender roles but it’s clearly coming from the parents

I’d look for something in between maybe rainbowish without the pink sparkly... for what it’s worth my ds is 7 year 3 and loves Disney princess he’s sort of worked out on his own without incident not to go on about it too much to his male friends who are not into it he is a very popular boy with girls and boys has many play dates and is getting a Rapunzel Lego set for Christmas. It’s been hard to navigate but not as hard as I thought.

My advice would be to get him the one he’d like! I’ve told my boys to say ‘no one owns a colour’. Girls can wear blue, boys can wear pink.
Once, in reception, one of the boys in DS1’s class asked why he had a pink water bottle, my DS shrugged and repeated ‘no one owns a colour’. The other boy nodded and shrugged back. That was the end of it.

If a play date said anything about his hooded blanket I’d just advise him to say something along those lines. Chances are this other child would accept this very happily!

My sons are between 2 and 9 and they wear a range of colours. They’re quite clear that they’re boys and can wear what colours they like. Gender stereotypes do my head in and I talk to them about it quite a lot!

I think the ‘no one owns a colour’ choice is a good idea. I do overthink and just worry - which means I now sit in that camp of trying to mitigate ridiculous things when really I just need to see how it plays out.

But this is a hard area to decipher. I think it’s somewhat comical that colours are heavily gendered for children but when a man reaches adulthood, he’ll find 20 pairs of ice cream patterned or pink swim shorts in places like Primark, Next, etc.

Anyway, I still undecided right now but I think one of these will be lovely and just right for what I’m going for:

www.next.co.uk/g792077s3/494319#494319

And in case anyone is interested, I’ve attached my beautiful pink unicorn hooded blanket. The comfort of gods, I’m told 🤷‍♀️

The red pandas are fab! And completely unisex IMO

I think the problem is if you avoid things that he really likes because they are ‘girly’, the subtext of that is that he should repress elements of his personality that don’t conform to gender stereotypes. If you buy things that he likes, you worry about the impact on him in terms of bullying.

But he will always be who he is, and so you can either teach him to hide socially less desirable parts of himself, or you can teach him to be comfortable with who he is (which is protective in terms of making him less of a ‘target’ for bullying) even if he’s not the same as everyone else.

Buy him the one he wants. I remember when my DS started in foundation one of his first friends was massively into Disney princess, his mum never made a big deal about it and bought him the ones he liked. He would often rock up to school with a Frozen bag and other traditional “girl” items. To the best of my knowledge he was never bullied if anyone questioned why ‘Fred’ liked something the answer was why not? Kids are very accepting and model their beliefs from their parents at that age.

DS is 6. His favourite trousers are basically a rainbow flag made in to joggers. Teamed with a fuschia pink t shirt with a t rex on and a navy Peruvian knitted hoody thing. He'd wear it every day if it didn't get dirty.

He looks a bit ridiculous, but it makes him so happy.

If you're looking for very colourful, unisex, bright or rainbow prints and you don't know of these already (apologies if you do), check out brands like Frugi, Toby Tiger and Kite. They're expensive new but there are loads of second hand groups on FB and the like where you can pick up some really great prints. I feel the same as you around gendered clothes and I've found this kind of style is the perfect middle ground for my twin boys!

My kids have these www.onlinehomeshop.com/dreamscene-unicorn-hoodie-blanket-kids-white (not this style) and it's really big on the 4yo but he loves it! It's a round the house thing, it's not like he'll be wearing it to school or the playground. Everyone in my family has one!

@Barbiesarm

My kids have these www.onlinehomeshop.com/dreamscene-unicorn-hoodie-blanket-kids-white (not this style) and it's really big on the 4yo but he loves it! It's a round the house thing, it's not like he'll be wearing it to school or the playground. Everyone in my family has one!

Thank you! These are fab (and an awful lot cheaper than the others I'd been looking at). Perfect!