Christmas gift...would you?

[Jamie88]

My GFs friends are all going to Tenerife for an all inclusive holiday (about £600) in January; a girl’s week away!

She mentioned today that she won’t be going as she’s trying to save up and can’t afford to go. I know she’d like to go.

I was thinking this would be a great Christmas present. But...it’s way more than we ever spend on gifts for each other (usually about 50-100 quid)

I’d like to treat her but am not sure if IABU and this would make her feel like it’s too much.

Sorry, it looks like she ditched the holiday to save for a deposit on a new place.

A surprise holiday if you’ve been together 2yrs & are living together is not OTT. And would only be suffocating if you had been planning to go to. I hope you’ve got friends or family who’ll support you through this.

Oh that took a turn I hadn't expected
I suppose at least you've saved yourself £600?
It was a lovely idea though !

Oh bless you, that was unexpected!

@GodIsAVegan 🙋🏻‍♀️🙌

You wouldn’t want a BF to text your friends or buy big gifts..? Why if you don’t mind me asking..?

I have never socialised with friends with BFs, hardly at all even with DH actually. When one of my friends comes to stay, he kindly goes out more that week so we can sit together, drink wine, laugh and bitch in peace-- for which I am immensely grateful.

Re: extravagant gifts, it's all too easy to throw money at someone, infinitely harder to work out one small, personal thing that will bring delight. My DH bought me a pair of £1 slipper socks the other day because they had little pictures of my favourite dog breed on them, and they're perfect. You'd have to prise them off my cold, dead feet.

@PlanktonsComputerWife

You wouldn’t want a BF to text your friends or buy big gifts..? Why if you don’t mind me asking..?

I have never socialised with friends with BFs, hardly at all even with DH actually. When one of my friends comes to stay, he kindly goes out more that week so we can sit together, drink wine, laugh and bitch in peace-- for which I am immensely grateful.

Re: extravagant gifts, it's all too easy to throw money at someone, infinitely harder to work out one small, personal thing that will bring delight. My DH bought me a pair of £1 slipper socks the other day because they had little pictures of my favourite dog breed on them, and they're perfect. You'd have to prise them off my cold, dead feet.

Well yes, there's no thought at all behind a gift that would allow your loved one to do something they can't afford and (probably) very much want. None at all. Honestly, just stop. His idea was fucking lovely.

For you, perhaps, but his idea didn't go down well, which suggests it wasn't "fucking lovely" for the woman concerned.

As I said to OP, it's tough right now, but it seems things are over.

No one owes anyone a relationship and people's affections cannot be bought.

@PlanktonsComputerWife

You wouldn’t want a BF to text your friends or buy big gifts..? Why if you don’t mind me asking..?

I have never socialised with friends with BFs, hardly at all even with DH actually. When one of my friends comes to stay, he kindly goes out more that week so we can sit together, drink wine, laugh and bitch in peace-- for which I am immensely grateful.

Re: extravagant gifts, it's all too easy to throw money at someone, infinitely harder to work out one small, personal thing that will bring delight. My DH bought me a pair of £1 slipper socks the other day because they had little pictures of my favourite dog breed on them, and they're perfect. You'd have to prise them off my cold, dead feet.

Why was it ‘infinitely’ harder for your partner to see socks with a dog on them and work out that’d you’d like them than it would have been for OP to organise a holiday booking? They are both thoughtful gifts, not sure how something being cheap makes it more meaningful.

OP I think the idea was lovely and very kind, I hope things work out well for you and I’m sorry you’re going through a shitty time. Spend the money on something nice for yourself instead!

@PlanktonsComputerWife but the gift idea had no relation to the break up, she clearly just cried because she felt guilty to be breaking up, not at the thought of the gift

Anyway OP you sound absolutely lovely and I’m so sorry to hear about the break up. Hope you are OK, or start feeling better soon at least anyway. Break ups suck.

@PlanktonsComputerWife

For you, perhaps, but his idea didn't go down well, which suggests it wasn't "fucking lovely" for the woman concerned.

As I said to OP, it's tough right now, but it seems things are over.

No one owes anyone a relationship and people's affections cannot be bought.

I think we may be reading different threads.

There are some bonkers people on this thread.

Your idea was absolutely lovely. I'm sorry it seems this girl isn't the one this time.

I'd rather have a holiday than a pair of slipper socks. Pretty much anyone would.

I'm so sorry it didn't go to plan @Jamie88 I hope you're okay

@PlanktonsComputerWife

Sorry you're in pain, but I personally wouldn't want a BF who texted my friends or bought me big gifts. Your (ex-)girlfriend probably feels a bit suffocated.

Many relationships run their course after two years. Seems this might be the case here.

Take care.

If her friend advised him to speak to her before he spent a load of money on a Christmas gift then it clearly wasn’t the offer of a holiday that made her react like that, now was it? You’ve made it seem like it was his own fault for trying to do something nice for her.

Sorry OP, a rotten way for you to find out things weren’t working.

So sorry to hear about the break up! She wanted you to slow down after two years? You'll find someone else who wants a committed and long term relationship my friend. Listen, take that money and book yourself a little trip or something. Or treat yourself to something you really want and enjoy. Bless you. You're going to be ok. Luckily you knew this before you wasted £600 on her. Get yourself a treat that will take your mind off the break up. Good luck.

Hope you’re okay, OP!
You sound absolutely lovely, I’ve spent ££££ on my partner and never even had a card in return. I think you’re one of the good ones

Don’t feel silly, it was a lovely idea.

Lovely idea. I personally hate the idea that the amount you spend has to be equal. I'm buying DH a very expensive gift this year because I know it's something he will really like and couldn't care less if he spends half that on me as long as it's a thoughtful gift.

I think it’s lovely but
Is her passport in date
Could se afford spends over there
Could she get time off

A surprise holiday if you’ve been together 2yrs & are living together is not OTT.

Exactly this