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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Christmas gift...would you?

69 replies

Jamie88 · 20/11/2021 16:59

My GFs friends are all going to Tenerife for an all inclusive holiday (about £600) in January; a girl’s week away!

She mentioned today that she won’t be going as she’s trying to save up and can’t afford to go. I know she’d like to go.

I was thinking this would be a great Christmas present. But...it’s way more than we ever spend on gifts for each other (usually about 50-100 quid)

I’d like to treat her but am not sure if IABU and this would make her feel like it’s too much.

OP posts:
MatildaTheCat · 20/11/2021 18:34

Just ask her? It’s a win win. If she does want to go she’ll be thrilled. If she feels she can’t or doesn’t want to then she’ll be touched at your thoughtfulness.

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 20/11/2021 18:34

don't

maybe she uses money as an excuse to not go but has a different reason so don't get involved.
let her be

YoComoManzanas · 20/11/2021 18:34

Eek. That sounds ominous.
It would have been a lovely gift though. Best talk to her first rather than it being a surprise.

Salome61 · 20/11/2021 18:35

I think you tell your girlfriend you are happy to pay for the holiday if she really wants to go. I'm also wondering if she doesn't want to go and is using lack of funds as the reason :)

IAmMeThisIsI · 20/11/2021 18:38

@YoComoManzanas

Eek. That sounds ominous. It would have been a lovely gift though. Best talk to her first rather than it being a surprise.
Yes this absolutely. That text sounds a bit weird. Talk to her first.
ChimChimeny · 20/11/2021 18:42

I think you tell your girlfriend you are happy to pay for the holiday if she really wants to go

This is what I would do, I think booking it for her feels like a step too far, especial as her friend has told you to!

Original poster
Jamie88 · 20/11/2021 18:45

So I’ve just taken your advice and mentioned this to GF as an ‘I’d love to treat you to the holiday if you want to go’.

She’s just started crying and said I’m such a good person but she needs time to think and I’m putting too much too fast into this relationship. We’ve been together for just over 2 years.

FML I’m about to get dumped aren’t I.

OP posts:
fabulousathome · 20/11/2021 18:48

I hope not. It is a little strange though.

Lou98 · 20/11/2021 19:00

@Jamie88

So I’ve just taken your advice and mentioned this to GF as an ‘I’d love to treat you to the holiday if you want to go’.

She’s just started crying and said I’m such a good person but she needs time to think and I’m putting too much too fast into this relationship. We’ve been together for just over 2 years.

FML I’m about to get dumped aren’t I.

Honestly, after you posted the friends reply, I did wonder if she'd mentioned something about not being happy in the relationship. It was a weird reaction.

You sound lovely though OP, give her some space and take some time yourself then see where you're both at

SallyWebsterr · 20/11/2021 19:02

Oh thats so sad :(. But at least youve found out before you buy her a christmas gift! silver lining.

JesusIsAnyNameFree · 20/11/2021 19:05

@Jamie88

So I’ve just taken your advice and mentioned this to GF as an ‘I’d love to treat you to the holiday if you want to go’.

She’s just started crying and said I’m such a good person but she needs time to think and I’m putting too much too fast into this relationship. We’ve been together for just over 2 years.

FML I’m about to get dumped aren’t I.

Too much too fast after 2 years Confused

Sorry, OP. It doesn't look great. You seem really lovely though. It was a really nice thought.

Original poster
Jamie88 · 20/11/2021 19:13

Wish I could delete this whole thread! She’s just said shes leaving to stay at her friends house as we need a break.

Feel like a massive idiot

OP posts:
GertietheGherkin · 20/11/2021 19:22

@Jamie88

So I’ve just taken your advice and mentioned this to GF as an ‘I’d love to treat you to the holiday if you want to go’.

She’s just started crying and said I’m such a good person but she needs time to think and I’m putting too much too fast into this relationship. We’ve been together for just over 2 years.

FML I’m about to get dumped aren’t I.

To be honest the friends reaction seemed very odd. The you're a good one etc,etc... Your GF has just said pretty much the same thing, about you being a good person etc, etc.

I would seem your GF has been talking to her friend about your relationship. The putting too much into the relationship comment is a bit of a kick in the teeth though... After 2 yrs that's usual isn't it?

Aww OP it's looking very much like she's been working upto finishing things. The "you're a lovely/ good/ kind person" lines a killer, as you're instant reaction would often be well why are you dumping me then, eh?

Mydogmylife · 20/11/2021 19:23

I'm very sorry Jamie , you know what they say ' no good deed goes unpunished'

SpamIAm · 20/11/2021 19:25

Ah sorry to read your latest posts OP. Please don't feel stupid or like you've crossed a line or anything, unfortunately it sounds like this was already on the cards for her. That is to say, I don't think you offering to pay for her holiday is the cause of her leaving.

GertietheGherkin · 20/11/2021 19:26

@Jamie88

Wish I could delete this whole thread! She’s just said shes leaving to stay at her friends house as we need a break.

Feel like a massive idiot

Gosh, that escalated quickly 😮

If you report the thread and ask MN to take it down they often do. Given the circumstances I'm sure the will delete it for you.

Such a shame it's all wrong for you. So sorry for you.

Landof · 20/11/2021 19:27

Oh I was coming on to say how thoughtful you were being and how I would love that (although would also feel its too much!)

But seen your update 😔

Did you suspect anything?

Sally872 · 20/11/2021 19:31

Aw that's rubbish. At least now you know. You sound like a great person, take care of yourself and hopefully feeling OK about split soon.

GodIsAVegan · 20/11/2021 19:34

That was very quick. From posting on here, speaking to the friend, speaking to girlfriend, to her leaving in 2 hours.

PlanktonsComputerWife · 20/11/2021 19:35

Sorry you're in pain, but I personally wouldn't want a BF who texted my friends or bought me big gifts. Your (ex-)girlfriend probably feels a bit suffocated.

Many relationships run their course after two years. Seems this might be the case here.

Take care.

girlmom21 · 20/11/2021 20:04

@GodIsAVegan

That was very quick. From posting on here, speaking to the friend, speaking to girlfriend, to her leaving in 2 hours.
Probably because the girlfriend had already mentioned how she was feeling to a friend and this forced her hand...

OP at least you know and didn't waste your lovely, thoughtful gift on her.

girlmom21 · 20/11/2021 20:05

You said money for bills is shared so presumably you live together.
Good enough to live with but too fast for booking a surprise holiday is bonkers thinking...

PrincessConsuelaBanana · 20/11/2021 20:05

@PlanktonsComputerWife

Sorry you're in pain, but I personally wouldn't want a BF who texted my friends or bought me big gifts. Your (ex-)girlfriend probably feels a bit suffocated.

Many relationships run their course after two years. Seems this might be the case here.

Take care.

You wouldn’t want a BF to text your friends or buy big gifts..? Why if you don’t mind me asking..? I thought OP was being really thoughtful and generous- neither are bad things in a relationship surely.

Obviously it hasn’t worked out in this case as the relationship isn’t working out and I’m really sorry OP but you sound lovely and I’m sure you’ll find someone who will appreciate your kindness and generosity.

JesusIsAnyNameFree · 20/11/2021 20:09

@PlanktonsComputerWife

Sorry you're in pain, but I personally wouldn't want a BF who texted my friends or bought me big gifts. Your (ex-)girlfriend probably feels a bit suffocated.

Many relationships run their course after two years. Seems this might be the case here.

Take care.

I wouldn't listen to any of this shite, OP.
Cryalot2 · 20/11/2021 20:13

You sound lovely , sorry things are the way they are.

You are lovely, please don't think otherwise of yourself .

Karma, kindness will come your way.

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