No kitchen for a month

[Ualhsa]

Am I being unreasonable? We moved house over 3 weeks ago, into a complete mess of a house that needed so much work. Belonged to an old man who had died and then the house had been left empty for ages so I’m sure you can imagine. In the first week there was urgency to get things done (we had a week overlap before we had to move in properly) but since then all sense of urgency has disappeared. I’m 33+2 and stressing out. We still have no kitchen (my partners dad and his handyman said they’d fit it) and for the first few days they turned up and cracked on but it’s been over a week since any progress has been made. There’s boxes everywhere, we have no washer and drier so I’m having to drive half an hour to my parents house to do wash loads. None of the baby stuff is washed yet. There’s no carpet on the hallway or stairs still (it’s rolled up in the nursery waiting to be fitted still)

My partner is saying that’s just what his family is like and they don’t do anything in a hurry but I’m getting so angry and upset that he hasn’t tried pushing them at all to get a move on. Money isn’t such an issue for him either so he could hire someone to do these jobs that he can’t do himself (light fixtures from the previous owner covered in smoke etc) but chooses not to.

Am I being unreasonable?

You're not being unreasonable. Can you hire somebody to do the work?

Absoutely YANBU - if FIL won't do it faster, find someone recommended who can, if possible. You can't be expected to be without a kitchen for that long - we had a new one put it while I was at about same stage of pregnancy, but I think that was in within a week.

Yanbu and I would be going to stay with my mother until the house is sorted if I were in your shoes. That might light a fire under dp

We've been without a kitchen for four months. No sink, no washing machine. I'm almost 37 weeks pregnant now 😂.

You said he's got the money to hire someone, is it not family money? You're about to have a baby with this man so I'd expect him to use his resources together to get this sorted. How shit to be so near Christmas too with such an uninhabitable house. You need to push harder OP.

@romdowa

Yanbu and I would be going to stay with my mother until the house is sorted if I were in your shoes. That might light a fire under dp

Exactly what I was going to say.

You don't need this stress right now. Move to your folks if you can and tell him to get it sorted.

Tell your DH that your due date means that you now have 3 and a half weeks before going into Labour would be a normal occurrence, so you MUST have the kitchen done and the washing machine installed before then. Tell him you will not bring a baby into a house without a kitchen or washing machine so if it isn’t done by the deadline you will be at your Mum’s with your washing and the baby, and will stay there.

Move back to your parents' house and tell your partner that you come back until the kitchen is fitted

If there is money to hire someone, then hire someone.
If he hasn’t given you full access to the money, then I would say that we need to go to the bank right now and fix that or you pack your bags and leave.

Move back to your mums and contact a carpet fitter to atleast get that job out of the way. Your oh will probably insist on doing it but just get someone in to do it.
If you've just bought a house I know money must be tight but you probably budgeted for carpets and essentials.
Don't wait around getting more stressed, it's not good for you or baby.

I think you might be a bit unreasonable. It sounds like you have different priorities and senses of urgency to each other. I sense a bit of a communication issue?

Definitely hire someone to get it done.

Move back to your mums.
Dp can hire and oversee contractors to do the works.

The problem with using handyman friends and family is they are doing you a favour, not working. You will always be low down on the list of priorities

Well you are not being unreasonable. He needs to pay for someone to do it. Were you both not aware what this would be like?

Sounds as if you’d you do not get it properly done it will be stretched out for years with loads of it half finished, I have seen these half hearted efforts before.

I'd hire someone without telling him and pay them from his account. He's a knob who is lazy and won't do it himself because 'he's a man and men do things themselves' but that actually means doing it, not saying you'll do it.

I think you are being unreasonable. Not because you want a kitchen, but because you are complaining but expect others to sort it. It is just as much your issue to sort as it is your partners.

@NatMoz

We've been without a kitchen for four months. No sink, no washing machine. I'm almost 37 weeks pregnant now 😂.

God, why? And what's amusing about it?

We had similar over this summer, it was my dad doing the kitchen. We went 6 weeks or more without a hob in the end, got the oven plugged in after 3/4 weeks which helped but I was not a happy bunny. Kitchen still isn't finished (was started the first week in August) but is useable at least. I would advise getting somebody in to finish if you can, we used that part of our budget getting slightly better quality appliances and replacing our tumble dryer so we're now stuck finishing it ourselves whenever we get time, which we never get as we are busy

With you being in your third trimester you have less time to muck around waiting!

YANBU at all, OP.

I once had to get a couple rehoused as an emergency because she was 4 weeks off her EDD and their house was a wreck. The community midwife said she wouldn't let the baby go home to the conditions they were living in and one of the things she was particularly concerned about was that there was no hot water in the kitchen and they had no laundry facilities.

Three options, take it into your own hands and pay someone to get it finished.
Or collapse in tears at your parents and parents in law and ask everyone to rally round while you rest because of your blood pressure.

Or let everyone know that you are going to do the work yourself because you need it done NOW and get your power tools out.

Angry pregnant lady strop time. Make a list and take charge.

I’ve asked my other half to get someone, even found people who can. He just shrugs. I can’t afford to get someone to do it myself, my maternity pay ain’t amazing otherwise I’d have hired someone from the start :(

This happens a lot when you ask family and friends to do jobs. You're usually low on the priority list, even if you are pregnant.

You need to pay a professional or accept that it'll take longer. And work almost always take longer than you expect anyway.

I knew it would take longer but not this much longer. They reckoned it would be done within a week. We don’t have a bath and originally that was meant to be done once we moved in but I’ve accepted that I’ll have to go the rest of my pregnancy without one :/ I voice my concerns to my OH and he says to stop stressing him out or he’ll not want to spend time with me but at this rate nothing will get done and I don’t know what to do. He’s already said it hasn’t sunk in we’re having a baby and I feel like he’s not too fussed about living in a mess. Staying at my mothers isn’t an option unfortunately otherwise I’d have done that weeks ago 😂

It is not ok for you to be in a position where you are carrying his child and he has access to money and you do not. You have much bigger problems than an unfinished house.