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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Spending Xmas abroad.

34 replies

forpetessake20 · 18/11/2021 17:16

We're spending Christmas in the Seychelles we're childless not through choice.
I'm fed up of buying xmas gifts for nieces and nephews and not receiving even a card from my siblings.
We're not bothering with decorations this year. AIBU to not bother with gifts for my nieces and nephews?

OP posts:
Lime37 · 18/11/2021 17:36

I’d get them a gift tbh. What ages are they.

Pinkchocolate · 18/11/2021 17:39

It depends how much you value your relationship with them and their ages. If they’re important to you then I would get them a gift or take them out for a while doing something Christmassy. My kids are between 5 and 15 and remember who makes the effort and who doesn’t.

ShellieEllie · 18/11/2021 17:41

Personally I would buy for the children. Maybe a token gift card rather than something that takes a lot of thinking about could be a compromise.

Justmuddlingalong · 18/11/2021 17:42

If you at least receive a thank you call/note/text, I would buy them a gift. If no thanks are forthcoming, I wouldn't bother my arse and spend the money on a few cocktails. 🍹

Whammyyammy · 18/11/2021 17:42

Id get them a gift if they're children. I've done two Christmases abroad. Once in Abu Dhabi, nice but didn't feel like Christmas and once in NYC, which was brilliant. Enjoy your Christmas holidays

Unicornsanctuary · 18/11/2021 17:43

If they are small I wouldn’t punish them for their parents’ bad manners.
Just a small thing maybe.
Nothing for parents. Postcard from Seychelles saying ‘thinking of you at this wonderful time of the year’ carefully timed to arrive on 4 Jan.

Didiusfalco · 18/11/2021 17:43

I think I would get them a small gift, but probably not give it too much headspace as it is obviously something that is irritating you.

Thethreecs · 18/11/2021 17:51

That sounds lovely and I hope you have a lovely time.

Tbf, Christmas is about giving not receiving, however it is nice to get something.

Sometimes when there are no children in a family the adults do get forgotten about.

If receiving a gift and card is something you would like, maybe you could mention it to them, they may not have realised.

MrzClaus · 18/11/2021 17:53

Could you perhaps put together a few things? Like a tub of chocolates / age appropriate film or something similar that's a "group gift" for the family rather than individual presents?

Sprostongreen21 · 18/11/2021 17:58

Like you we’ve no children. My sisters kids have had gifts right trough to adult hood and she rarely gives me a gift. We only buy kids but in my case we have none so. Image ships buy me instead as our family traditions.

But it wasn’t the kids fault. So I carried on.
Your Christmas sounds lovely btw.

SummaLuvin · 18/11/2021 18:02

@Justmuddlingalong

If you at least receive a thank you call/note/text, I would buy them a gift. If no thanks are forthcoming, I wouldn't bother my arse and spend the money on a few cocktails. 🍹
I see this sentiment a lot on MN and I disagree depending on the age of the children. If they are young then the impetuous for thank yous come from the parents - what 5 year old can't wait to be sat down to write them - so you would be punishing the child for the parents mistake. If they are older (maybe 16+?) then they should know better and not need to be told.
Sprostongreen21 · 18/11/2021 18:02

*so she should be buy me no idea how. Image ships got there

Justmuddlingalong · 18/11/2021 18:09

I didn't specifically state I expected a child to sit down and write a thank you note. A thank you text or a phone call is just as polite and nice to receive. If the kids are too young, I think it's the DParents responsibility to do it on their DC's behalf.

Original poster
forpetessake20 · 18/11/2021 18:19

I have 10 nieces and nephews aged from 5 to 12. One sibling texts a thank you the rest just ignore it. I never get a thank you from the children.
We were all brought up to thank relatives for gifts.

OP posts:
YellowandGreenToBeSeen · 18/11/2021 18:25

I would send flowers to each family and no gifts.

YellowandGreenToBeSeen · 18/11/2021 18:26

Should add - no one can then complain about a lack of gift (and if they did, they’d be completely graceless)

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 18/11/2021 18:29

Just send book tokens to all of them. And remind their parents that 'Thank you' letters or cards still exist.

SummaLuvin · 18/11/2021 18:34

@forpetessake20

I have 10 nieces and nephews aged from 5 to 12. One sibling texts a thank you the rest just ignore it. I never get a thank you from the children. We were all brought up to thank relatives for gifts.
I would continue gifting, as I think they are young enough to not be punished for their parents bad manners.

I might be tempted to make a sly comment, like "did Tilly like her hair clips? I haven't heard so..." or fork out on postage so I could phone mid-January and say "just want to check the gifts arrived, I haven't had a thank you so was wondering if they were lost in the post". Petty but not getting a thank would annoy me, it's basic manners kids should be taught.

Thethreecs · 18/11/2021 18:43

@forpetessake20

I have 10 nieces and nephews aged from 5 to 12. One sibling texts a thank you the rest just ignore it. I never get a thank you from the children. We were all brought up to thank relatives for gifts.
So when you hand over the presents no one says thank you?

If I give gifts and they say thanks that is plenty for me or a quick text from the parents, more so to find out it arrived.

Personally I hate thank you cards, I did them for my wedding and for special gifts that were given for big events that happened but I never send them from the kids, I've 5 kids that's a fuck ton of thank you cards.

Actually thinking about it, one of my brother's expects thank cards, far from how he was raised. He bitches when they are not sent. I actually stopped giving his kids presents, partly because of this and also he always makes fun of the gifts, finds out the cost, has a spreadsheet with how much his kids got and how much he gave. One time one of my sister's forgot 2 of his kids birthday's and he made a note of it and didn't send anything to her kids the following year. He's just weird.

ArialAnna · 18/11/2021 18:44

It's fine not to buy them presents. I expect more parents than not are drowning in toys, and desperately trying and failing to declutter (I know I am!) - and these are just the toys their kids have specifically asked for, let alone random gifts from relatives etc! All this unnecessary consumption is killing the planet - the state of which your nieces and nephews are going to have to deal with. You're doing them a favour not buying them stuff imo.

Original poster
forpetessake20 · 18/11/2021 18:49

I'm happy with a text thank you but don't even get that. Plus I'm the only sibling who is childless and never get a card from them even on my Birthday.

OP posts:
Justmuddlingalong · 18/11/2021 18:51

If they can't mention gift received, they'd have a really hard neck mentioning gifts not received.

TeeBee · 18/11/2021 18:53

In that case, tell everyone Christmas is cancelled in your house and go off and enjoy your holiday. Don't feel guilty. There are other years to buy presents when you don't feel so taken for granted (ie when they remember your birthday or their manners...whichever comes first).

CanofCant · 18/11/2021 18:53

YANBU. Have a fantastic holiday.

awesomekilick · 18/11/2021 18:54

@forpetessake20

I'm happy with a text thank you but don't even get that. Plus I'm the only sibling who is childless and never get a card from them even on my Birthday.
Sod that then. Even a tenner book token per child is over a 100 quid. And not even a birthday card from your siblings? Nah. You have my permission to go on your wonderful holiday and not give it all a second thought.