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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To get wound up by the phrase "oh but it's just boys being boys isn't it?"

36 replies

MegaLegs · 14/12/2007 15:51

I overheard two mums in pg just now, one of them was saying the "boys being boys thing." Both mums have boys in DS3's class who are regularly in trouble for hitting/kicking/generally being horrible to other children in the class. They were the same at preschool.

No it's not boys being boys, I have 4 I should know, they have their moments granted, but they do not regularly hurt other children.

In this case I would have rephrased it as "it's just boys being thugs and getting away with it AGAIN!!"

OP posts:
PanicPressiePants · 14/12/2007 16:01

Something to cheer me up after ds hitting/biting other children at cm

But actually I do get your point, but atm am desparately clinging onto the fact that ds is boy and it's a phase he'll grow out of. (he's 2.4 btw)

nametaken · 14/12/2007 16:02

Yes I agree - the other one that gets on my pip is "he's just a lovable rougue" - which we all know really means "he's a little bar steward only loved by his mother"

EricScrooge · 14/12/2007 16:03

Too feckin right.

One of our friends says this all the time as the boy is hitting and kicking you.

No - he's just a wee dick and you don't control him we say.

He's turning out to not be a nice boy anymore - we don't want to have him round anymore.

Original poster
MegaLegs · 14/12/2007 16:04

This isn't a one off though pp. Yes boys can be rough, my lot regualry play fight, wrestle, lash out at each other in anger , and rough and tumble with their friends. These boys are different, and I'm sick of the parents not dealing with it and putting it down them being boys.

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Scotia · 14/12/2007 16:05

I suppose it depends on what they were talking about. I've got 4 girls and 1 boy and ime there is a definite difference between them. My ds(3) is so much more 'boisterous' than his sisters ever were, not violent or agressive, but sometimes totally WILD! He has to make noises ALL THE TIME, and he likes to jump around and play rougher than his sisters did. By bedtime I'm knackered , but we love him to bits. Wouldn't put up with him hurting other children though without doing something about it.

Original poster
MegaLegs · 14/12/2007 16:05

Exactly Eric - well put

OP posts:
EricScrooge · 14/12/2007 16:07

They do like different games - that's not the issue.

Girls like to play with their minds (pretend, dolls, art, etc.) whereas boys like physical things (football, running into walls, stepping on slugs, etc).

Doesn't mean they have to be violent though towards everyone.

PanicPressiePants · 14/12/2007 16:07

Yes totally agree about parents not dealing with it. Being a boy is not an excuse to hurt other childrenl. Just scared my ds will turn out like that (totally paronoid moment)

Original poster
MegaLegs · 14/12/2007 16:08

I've got to disappear as it is DS1's go on the computer.

This wasn't said in any jolly sense. I watched the two of them in the nativity yesterday, poking, pinchimg and pulling other children. Teacher intervened many times but they didn't seem to give a shit.

OP posts:
Scotia · 14/12/2007 16:08

Panic, that's not a boy thing, there was a little girl in our toddler group years ago who terrorised the boys, lol. On a serious note, the worst bully in my class at school was a girl - she absolutely hammered the toughest boy in our class once. She was particularly vicious.

SueBaRoomForAMincePie · 14/12/2007 16:09

yanbu. My second daughter got punched in the face at a M&T group by a boy, and that's what the mother said. Quite frankly, I dread to think what behaviour the men in her life were allowed to get away with.

MerryAnnSinglemas · 14/12/2007 16:12

not all boys behave like little thugs, so I'd object to someone excusing that kind of behaviour because they're boys.

lionheart · 14/12/2007 16:17

YANB (remotely) U.

Bridie3 · 14/12/2007 16:19

P.sses the hell out of me, Megalegs.

We had this in my son's year. THere were ten boys and one girl. Three or four of the boys were out of control: kicking, being rude, disruptive. I always thought this but other mothers would say, oh no, your son is just a bit gentle.

Well maybe he is. He's a damn good footballer and likes fencing and rugby but he has never felt the need to hit and kick other boys (unless in defence of himself). He's doing well now. Some of the other boys are failing to fulfill their potential because they can't concentrate--aged ten.

Desiderata · 14/12/2007 16:22

I don't have a problem with the phrase ... I say it myself on occasion.

But as you say, Mega, routine thuggery is another thing altogether.

Original poster
MegaLegs · 14/12/2007 16:24

You're right Desi - it's not the phrase that winds me up but the context it was used in.

OP posts:
PortAndLemonaid · 14/12/2007 16:25

In relation to hitting/kicking/generally being horrible, definitely YANBU.

But the phrase itself has some validity in relation to not wanting to sit still and be Good in a seen-but-not-heard kind of way but having a certain need to get outside and run around in circles like a mad thing (plenty of girls are like that too, of course), so I don't object to the phrase in isolation, just to its misuse in the kind of context you describe.

Scotia · 14/12/2007 16:25

Exactly what I was saying Desiderata, but apparently that's not the issue .

EricScrooge · 14/12/2007 16:30

Plus - the big issue for me (and more so for you women i guess) is the kind of man they would turn out to be if they are not challenged on this behaviour at an early age?

Original poster
MegaLegs · 14/12/2007 16:30

OK I didn't word my thread title very well. The phrase "boys will be boys" in this situation was being used by two mums to attemt to excuse the unpleasant behaviour of their sons. That's what I objected to

To use it with regard to the general wild, boisterous behaviour that you mention Scotia is IMO perfectly acceptable

OP posts:
Original poster
MegaLegs · 14/12/2007 16:31

attempt

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southeastastra · 14/12/2007 16:33

there are lots of reasons some boys do play up though, it can't just be blamed on bad parenting.

Original poster
MegaLegs · 14/12/2007 16:38

I know, but in some cases it can.

OP posts:
EricScrooge · 14/12/2007 16:43

Only two of the boys i know are like this and it is down to the parenting.

I can only base my thoughts about it on the experiences i have personally had.

Maybe in some other cases the behaviour is caused by other factors.

southeastastra · 14/12/2007 16:45

well maybe you should think that there may be other causes rather than calling a child a little dick.

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