To get wound up by the phrase "oh but it's just boys being boys isn't it?"

[MegaLegs]

I overheard two mums in pg just now, one of them was saying the "boys being boys thing." Both mums have boys in DS3's class who are regularly in trouble for hitting/kicking/generally being horrible to other children in the class. They were the same at preschool.

No it's not boys being boys, I have 4 I should know, they have their moments granted, but they do not regularly hurt other children.

In this case I would have rephrased it as "it's just boys being thugs and getting away with it AGAIN!!"

sea - I'm pretty certain that was meant to be tongue in cheek.

I understand MegaLegs, and I agree with you. It's possible though that they are secretly mortified by their son's bad behaviour and it's their way of covering up, or something like that.

My friend married a divorced man with a ds, who had been encouraged to hit/kick people as a toddler. He grew up into a dangerous thug who is always in trouble with the police. If I hought my ds was starting out on that path I would be desperately trying to nip it in the bud.

• sons' bad behaviour

I agree Scotia - I am sure they are mortified and I know that one of the mums is really struggling to cope with her child's behaviour but I wish she would seek some support and find ways to deal with it rather than laugh it off with friends as yet another child returns home with a scratched face, ripped coat or bruised leg.

It has been very sad to see this boy change over the years into the annoying kid he is now.

It makes me and the DW angry as he used to be so nice but we can see he is turning out to be not very nice at all because of the attitude of the parents in thinking he is doing nothing wrong.

ppp - your ds's phase is to do with age, not boy-ness!

There is a big distinction between playing up, being boistrous and noisy - and thuggery.

DS has a group of 5 boy friends at school, of various and none of them ever done anything intentionally or casually violent or hurtful to another. They don't fight, they play.

Accepting that 'boys will be boys' if it includes hurting people and violent play consigns the male species to some sort of uncivilized life form. It's actually very sad.

ya-most definitely NOT-bu

I HATE that mind-set/phrase - talk about give the thugs a green light to act out of spite.

There is one mum on our playground that tells us that she "doesn't mind how he behaves on the playground - as long as he's good in class". That led to 3 kids being punched and elbowed in the FACE.

That child is 5 with no behaviour issues, other than being naughty - that is shocking and awful IMO.

I think you've just been lucky my two year old sounds more like hers than yours I love the excuse boys being boys because at least it takes some of the blame away from me. Honestly when you try to parent the best you can and your child is a mini monster despite all your best efforts you need to believe it is inate rather than due to your nurturing so I think YABU. However if I was mother to an angel I would agree with you

use this one myself .

My boys are not violent at all, but they can be boisterous.

It drives me mad when my SIL, who has one v. timid girl, judges my apparently badly behaved boys. They're not, the school has no issues at all and I can take them to any friend's house without worrying at all, but they can be noisy and they don't sit for hours colouring and this makes them horrors in my SIL's eyes.

In the case of the OP, hurting people is not on, even (or especially) for boys. If boys are going to be functioning men, they need to know how to use their strength and that no means no.

I think for 2 year-olds though, this can just be a phase, which provided they are left with a clear understanding that it's not acceptable, they will grow out of.

The excuse phrase being bandied around at our school currently, for kids being absolute gits horrors is that they've got "low self-esteem." Yeah, right.

I have known kids where this sort of behaviour has not been down to bad parenting but to either severe developmental/medical problems or extreme stress (such as bereavement)- but then their parents aren't the ones going "oh, it's just boys", they're the ones desperately trying to get help. I am glad to say that my children's schools have always dealt very speedily and effectively with this type of problem; any child who behaves like that in the playground is going to lose his playtime, regardless of extenuating circumstances.