to just give up hoping for anything good?

[QueenLatipah]

NCed but regular old Mner. At the end of my rope. We have been having what I call bad luck for 7 years now. Covid has just made things worse. I don't want to go into detail, but think serious life changing illness, deaths, mental troubles, job loss.... all big big problems.

We were just getting back on our feet when Covid made things a million times worse. DS has dropped out of uni with mental issues. No idea if he will go back. He is seeing our GP but things look bleak. Today DH just told me it is likely he will lose his job because his industry has been badly hit by the pandemic. He is nearly 54; will struggle to find anything else in his line. We can get by for a while but it will be hard.

I am 50 and quite exhausted after the last few years. Everything seems endless and pointless. I can't remember why I even had DC. I am tired of their big, big problems. Life was so much easier when they had little, small problems.

I am just cowering now waiting for the next horrible thing to happen. I have become very bitter and grudge other people's good fortune ( though I never say anything). I realise self pity is a very unattractive quality but I can't seem to muster up any other emotion.

I am not looking for practical advice so much as just some support. I have no one to talk to about this. Only sibling has issues of his own. Mom is old. Dad is gone.

I agree with you op.
People who look after number one, shit on anyone in their way and are generally selfish arseholes always seem to come out on top. Others who are decent and look out for others get trampled on.

It sounds like the big problem here is your son. He's an adult now, do really needs to be dealing with his troubles more himself now, and not burdening you with them. Perhaps it is time to put a limit on his negativity, and how much it impacts you.

@QueenLatipah

Oh and somewhere in the last 7 years I lost my faith. What little I had of it.

He will bring you to your knees; and He will lift you up again.
He wants you back.

When you're settled before bed, or any time when you will have 12 quiet, uninterrupted minutes -- please watch this beautiful oratorio (song, music video) :

m.youtube.com/watch?v=sz81dIfwf4Y

The God Who Sees
❤️

I went through almost everything on your list, aside from DCs’ trials.
I had a decade of misery -- deaths; illness; injuries; depression; drinking too much. Years and years on end of, 'what's the point?'

I randomly came upon the above video, and it unexpectedly sparked my floundering faith.
It led me down my own path, to where I needed to be to recover.
I still have (and will always have) further to go, but at least now I understand the suffering, and actually have some amazing spiritual affirmations.

In other words, I got Jesus! Ha!
(Although I was baptised many moons ago.)
PTL

I hope it will reach you (and others reading), as it did me.

Positive things do come to positive people. On the whole life goes better for people with a positive outlook than those with a negative one

When life is a constant fire-fighting battle involving serious illness, death, redundancy, money worries, it can be impossible to keep positive. And really why should anyone have to? Yes I find it helpful to remind myself I’m not going through all this while living under a brutal dictatorship or in a refugee camp and that I have a safe home etc etc but being positive in the face of relentless crap isn’t realistic. Especially when like OP you’ve had years of it. It really is a case of getting through each day and doing what you can to do that. It’s hard and relentless and exhausting and you’re just waiting for the next crappy thing to unfold.

I try to ask myself ‘why not me’. And try remind myself that most of the shit we go through is part of what it is to be alive. I’ve had year after year of utter hell. Things settled eventually and now I’m in the middle of something else I never saw coming. No doubt in time that will resolve one way or another too. OP I’m so sorry you’re having such a time of it. I really hope things start to get better for you all 💐

@SerendipitySunshine

It sounds like the big problem here is your son. He's an adult now, do really needs to be dealing with his troubles more himself now, and not burdening you with them. Perhaps it is time to put a limit on his negativity, and how much it impacts you.

I hear you and would agree if we hadn't been through a pandemic. I work with some fresh graduates in my job-older than him- and so many of them are barely holding it together. One has had to take several months off work and pre-pandemic , she was the most resilient person ever. I feel like I need to get him through this part. He is going to therapy and taking meds, so not resisting.

@WeLovetoBoogieonaSaturdayNight that's a nice post, but I am not and have never been Christian:)

A pp asked if I work. I do, but my salary is much lower than DH's. However, we have been saving like mad for a while. So I guess we could get by if we downsize or cut some costs.

@Cutelittlesquizzer I am trying to tell myself that this is what it means to be alive and get through one day at a time.