to just give up hoping for anything good?

[QueenLatipah]

NCed but regular old Mner. At the end of my rope. We have been having what I call bad luck for 7 years now. Covid has just made things worse. I don't want to go into detail, but think serious life changing illness, deaths, mental troubles, job loss.... all big big problems.

We were just getting back on our feet when Covid made things a million times worse. DS has dropped out of uni with mental issues. No idea if he will go back. He is seeing our GP but things look bleak. Today DH just told me it is likely he will lose his job because his industry has been badly hit by the pandemic. He is nearly 54; will struggle to find anything else in his line. We can get by for a while but it will be hard.

I am 50 and quite exhausted after the last few years. Everything seems endless and pointless. I can't remember why I even had DC. I am tired of their big, big problems. Life was so much easier when they had little, small problems.

I am just cowering now waiting for the next horrible thing to happen. I have become very bitter and grudge other people's good fortune ( though I never say anything). I realise self pity is a very unattractive quality but I can't seem to muster up any other emotion.

I am not looking for practical advice so much as just some support. I have no one to talk to about this. Only sibling has issues of his own. Mom is old. Dad is gone.

Lottie says that everybody is swimming along nicely but I have found the total opposite, all my friends everyone I've spoken to just feels tired, rundown bedraggled, fed up with the monotony of life, and just a bit bleugh. and fed up generally.

And that sounds terrible, because none of us (that I'm referring to above) have major problems, we've all got nice things going on at the moment, but everything just feels a bit rubbish.

So you are not alone. does that help in anyway?

I hear you op.
Dp lost his job in 2016 then it took 18 months to find another. Everything seemed to break around that time.
The adult dcs had lots of problems. It was a cycle of shit that we are still not out of and I find everything exhausting

I do think that the whole 'toxic positivity' think is another spear for negative people to attack positive ones with. Yes there are times one can't be positive but after after bit of wallowing we do need to move on and try to see the light at the end. Positive things do come to positive people. On the whole life goes better for people with a positive outlook than those with a negative one.

*thing

Excuse the spelling mistakes. Why oh why can't you edit within the first 5 mins or so!

I feel the same; lately. This post could've been written by my mother, she just had heartache after heartache. I'm hoping for the best, but always expecting the worst.

Positive things do come to positive people.

OP,

I am full of sympathy for you.

I think it is hard to fully quantify just how draining it can be when a child is struggling.

So of course your son's struggles is an enormous cloud over you.

Menopause can also really be a drag and now that I have largely through it after 8 years🤞, I would definitely have gone on HRT if the breast cancer bullshit wasn't still being widely pedalled.

So you really need to start looking at minding yourself.

A good vitamin B complex really helped me to support my nervous system and stress levels.

I think a lot of people feel very tired.
The relentlessness of the past two years has taken a real toll on many.

It is very important to get the moans out so keep posting.

@FinallyDecided

I do think that the whole 'toxic positivity' think is another spear for negative people to attack positive ones with. Yes there are times one can't be positive but after after bit of wallowing we do need to move on and try to see the light at the end. Positive things do come to positive people. On the whole life goes better for people with a positive outlook than those with a negative one.

Thank you for illustrating toxic positivity so everyone knows what it is

. Positive things do come to positive people. On the whole life goes better for people with a positive outlook than those with a negative one.

Oh please !! Being positive doesn't stop crap things happening to you. My lovely mum was the most positive person it didn't stop her being widowed three times and having other bereavements along the way including my lovely sister five years ago. She is now in a home with advanced dementia so that's the thanks she got for being a positive and lovely person.

Sounds like you've been running on empty for a long time 😔

I hope this thread is helping? Everyone needs to be able to offload.

How's your sleep?

I've felt really low and noticed it's the 2 days after alcohol. I stopped for a month and I felt a partial cloud lift.

A friend told me some of the symptoms of Vit B 12 deficiency, esp mouth ulcers, and I've got a B12 spray (Amazon) and I think it helps.

Same age as you and also just started HRT. I don't really care which one of these is making me feel better...but I am slowly feeling more even keeled, rather than dragging myself thru the day (oh and early nights, just knackered!)

'the resilience fuckers and the toxic positivity cunts'

I too love this. DH and I have gone through periods of thinking that we'll do whatever when current problems are out of the way. We've finally come to the conclusion that that will be never. But at least we can moan to each other.

You don't have to do a gratitude journal, you could do a pat on the back journal, to recognise all the things you do everyday for your family.

If it helps, I’m also living under a shower of total shit. Family members with cancer, husband nearly died recently, facing collapse of our family business due to the actions of another, another very close family member is dying, having to care for another family member who isn’t coping, my baby needs an operation… it’s just all a bit too fucking much sometimes.

OP, your post really resonated with me. Especially the part about not feeling pleasure in autumn leaves - I actually felt that exact same way on a beautiful autumn day this week, which usually I would have delighted in. My DD is struggling with mental health and it casts such a shadow over everything. It is difficult to feel any joy in anything knowing how hard things are for her. As a PP said, you are only as happy as your unhappiest child.

I hope things turn a corner for you soon.

Great....my name change failed. @lleflottante that all sounds really hard. Hope things get better.

OP, I am sat at my kitchen table looking out of the window watching the sun come up. Weird how the world carries on when you feel stuck in your own personal hell. I'm in a similar situation: 51, surrounded by family illness and my Mum died in January - she was only 73 and had aggressive Alzheimer's. She went into a care home last July and I never saw her again. It's all too much sometimes but HRT is helping somewhat and Ive just arranged some (more) counselling. Hang on in there. I read something that said when you're going through hell, keep on going! I'm not sure if you are near a beach (I'm on the coast) and find sitting there quietly looking out to sea makes my problems seem a lot smaller - weird but it helps a bit. Take care 💐

@TomelettewithGreggs

Great....my name change failed. *@lleflottante* that all sounds really hard. Hope things get better.

Thank you. And I hope the same for you. If one more person says mindlessly, “well these things always come in threes” or some such other empathy-free attempt at platitudes/rationalising, I shall become very unpleasant. Mine are coming in thirteens.

I feel like this a lot.

Amongst my friends, without exception, all agree that above everything else, their peace is dependent on their children being ok.

This is a simply enormous weight to carry around and has been tested hugely for many over the past 2 years.

I'm really glad to read you too some time yesterday for yourself.

You will survive this, but only if you force yourself to be kind to yourself too, and do small things for yourself.

Keep posting, you most certainly are not alone.

There is a saying, don't swap your troubles for someone else's troubles

I know that it is not easy, but Keep Calm & carry on !

That is all we can do

Things never stay the same, time passes & things will change

Re: being looked after and cancer, I have it, plus a child with many mental health issues and anorexia, but apart from a honeymoon period post diagnosis, I still do everything round the house, as if I didn’t do it, it wouldn’t get done.

I’m sorry that life is so hard. I think of all the things you describe, it would be the money element that would stress me the most. Do you work? Can you get by on your own wage if your husband loses his job? I think, re your son son’s mental health, there are so many others in his boat. He will just need time to re-group. A friend’s son dropped out of Oxford for mental health reasons. He started tutoring children in his uni subject and that’s really helped him, plus made him some money.

I do think a lot of this is down to your son's difficulties. My life has turn to crap in the last 2-5 years (my 64 year old mum got ill and became blind and disabled) and my business has lot 90% of its income. It's just awful but I'm sort of fine because my kids are happy.

However, a friend of mine had some problems with her teen son and she was utterly distraught; questioning the entire purpose of her life.

I think it's because we sacrifice so much for our children and they are 'the heart we wear outside our body'.

My friend is much better now (her son has just managed a full week in school) and I am sure that you will be too once your son's medication kicks in. He will become independent and things will feel a lot better for you once that's happened.