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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU rudeness?

42 replies

ChasingSun · 18/11/2021 12:28

NC’ed for this as pretty outing if anybody involves is on MN!
I get veggie boxes delivered from a local farm and my last delivery was a month ago. A few days ago I called to order and was told that I was banned - as I was rude to the driver? When queried apparently I slammed the door in his face. That’s all. Not anything else I said, or did, just that. I asked specifically.
Our door slams all the time unless I’m being extra careful - so if it did happen it would have been because I was in a hurry and rushing to get stuff in. I don’t remember much but I’ve bought from them before and was always polite - however that was the only time I recall being in a hurry at the time of the day.
AIBU to think that they’re being extreme?
For context I’m not that bothered about not buying from them. It just seems very extreme - I can understand not paying, physical assault, yelling or insults but this?also if I did it multiple times yes but this is the first time.

For context I’m always that person who’s extra nice to delivery people etc (I used to wait tables so I appreciate it) and they have commented on it too. So this stings, it’s really not like me.

OP posts:
SoniaFouler · 18/11/2021 12:31

Did you say thank you or did you accept the delivery, the door slammed shut, and then you didn’t open it again to explain/say thank you? Because if that happened to me, I’d think it was rude too.

PurpleDaisies · 18/11/2021 12:33

I can see it from their point of view. How would they know your door slams all the time? If that had happened to me, I would have just opened the door and apologised if I’d slammed the door on someone.

It’s quite nice they’re standing up for their staff.

User123654123654 · 18/11/2021 12:34

YANBU! Talk about over sensitive. Buy from elsewhere.

ArblemarchTFruitbat · 18/11/2021 12:34

It does seem extreme. Obviously it wouldn't be perceived as very polite to slam the door in the driver's face, but that isn't rudeness to the degree that it's worth losing a customer over, in my opinion. In the driver's shoes I would probably assume you were busy and stressed. At the very least they could have given you a warning and a 'strike'.

Original poster
ChasingSun · 18/11/2021 12:35

@SoniaFouler

Did you say thank you or did you accept the delivery, the door slammed shut, and then you didn’t open it again to explain/say thank you? Because if that happened to me, I’d think it was rude too.
Of course I said thank you I wouldn’t just take stuff and run 😂 maybe he didn’t hear me. Also as the door generally closes heavily it doesn’t register to me as ‘slamming’ if you see what I mean - it does that all the time , especially as I was holding heavy things in one hand
OP posts:
Shedmistress · 18/11/2021 12:38

I'd contact them back and tell them your door slams all the time and you'd already said thanks, but had heavy stuff on your hands and by the time you'd put it down and walked back he had gone.

But hey ho, if you are not in need of my business then no worries.

Original poster
ChasingSun · 18/11/2021 12:38

@ArblemarchTFruitbat

It does seem extreme. Obviously it wouldn't be perceived as very polite to slam the door in the driver's face, but that isn't rudeness to the degree that it's worth losing a customer over, in my opinion. In the driver's shoes I would probably assume you were busy and stressed. At the very least they could have given you a warning and a 'strike'.
Exactly! I called up fully prepared to apologise (in fact in real life I’m always apologising for small things for example if I take a bit too long to find my card I apologise for holding the queue up).

But when he said that I was a bit ????

Even when I worked in customer service I wouldn’t assume the worst of people. That’s what puts me off tbh. I asked to speak to the driver himself but he wasn’t in. I’m now wondering if I should even bother calling back later.

OP posts:
LagneyandCasey · 18/11/2021 12:39

Very extreme! I could understand it if you were verbally abusive or your payment bounced. Take your business elsewhere.

Original poster
ChasingSun · 18/11/2021 12:47

@PurpleDaisies

I can see it from their point of view. How would they know your door slams all the time? If that had happened to me, I would have just opened the door and apologised if I’d slammed the door on someone.

It’s quite nice they’re standing up for their staff.

Even so couldn’t they have at least told me? Instead of letting me find out a month later (when I wouldn’t have remembered much of what had happened anyway)?

Also people aren’t perfect, if we judged everyone based on one thing we’d all be constantly punished.

OP posts:
Original poster
ChasingSun · 18/11/2021 12:50

@SoniaFouler

Did you say thank you or did you accept the delivery, the door slammed shut, and then you didn’t open it again to explain/say thank you? Because if that happened to me, I’d think it was rude too.
That’s fine - but would you never speak to the person again based on that one action? Not give them the benefit of the doubt, assume they were in a hurry etc.
OP posts:
ArblemarchTFruitbat · 18/11/2021 12:53

but would you never speak to the person again based on that one action? Not give them the benefit of the doubt, assume they were in a hurry etc.

I would give benefit of the doubt, especially if this was a customer rather than a friend.

While I am a huge advocate of good manners, part of good manners is extending tolerance to people who might not appear to have good manners. You have no idea what might be going on in someone's life. The person who's just let the door slam might just have received really terrible news, for example.

Original poster
ChasingSun · 18/11/2021 13:09

Also to add - I have a video doorbell and have just reviewed the footage.
The driver wasn’t even facing me throughout the whole clip - he was facing the wall, his hand extends and he says a quick thank you as he’s walking off. He wasn’t even facing the door for long. There’s a murmur of my voice. The sound of his footsteps are louder than the door closing!

OP posts:
CherryHug · 18/11/2021 13:14

Send it to them, and ask if they are really prepared to lose a customer over such a non incident.

Original poster
ChasingSun · 18/11/2021 13:16

Also I’ve compared it to other footage of door closing and it sounds the same - not much louder.

I’m beginning to suspect whether it’s not my being rude but something else.

OP posts:
Chocolatewheatos · 18/11/2021 13:17

Definitely send them the video.

IntermittentParps · 18/11/2021 13:18

what a bunch of divas.
I say fuck em.

Stovetopespresso · 18/11/2021 13:23

ooh wonder what 'else' there could be though!
he sounds like an odd one. send footage and ask for a different driver. (obviously impossible- he's probably their son- and never shop there again.

trumpisagit · 18/11/2021 13:28

Yes send them the video. It's very odd and although I wouldn't want to buy from them again, I wouldn't want to accept I was rude, if I wasn't.

queenMab99 · 18/11/2021 13:30

Is there something you are not telling us, you weren't naked were you? Shock

Original poster
ChasingSun · 18/11/2021 13:31

@Stovetopespresso

ooh wonder what 'else' there could be though! he sounds like an odd one. send footage and ask for a different driver. (obviously impossible- he's probably their son- and never shop there again.
Well for starters I’m not white, middle class or from the area. Most of their customers (from what I can see) are locals who have been going there for eons…
OP posts:
SallyWebsterr · 18/11/2021 13:35

I would send them the footage and ask them what theyre talking about.

Original poster
ChasingSun · 18/11/2021 13:37

@Chocolatewheatos

Definitely send them the video.
The thing is though - you wouldn’t know how loud the door closing is meant to be until compared to other footage. Which has other people’s/my face in it which I don’t feel comfortable sending them since they already have my name + address and are so vindictive.

I suppose I could send them a blank video with me closing the door to demonstrate but then it seems staged.

OP posts:
StoneofDestiny · 18/11/2021 13:38

Send the footage to them. See what they say.

Original poster
ChasingSun · 18/11/2021 13:39

@queenMab99

Is there something you are not telling us, you weren't naked were you? Shock
Hahaha that would be an offensive reaction to my natural beauty! not Grin
OP posts:
FinallyHere · 18/11/2021 13:42

I'd be all p/a , send the video and ask what changes the driver would like to see to my behaviour.

Then, probably not but from them again 😀

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