AIBU - lay in on my birthday

[jessieb90]

Hi all,

It's my birthday today, my first as a mum, and I asked my partner last night for a lay in - only til 8, but still I wanted one. I asked last night, he initially said no but pulled out the birthday card and he agreed.

LO stirred this morning and OH didn't get up and say he needed to log on for work. He works from home on Thursdays and has no meetings until 9!

We've had a big row, he's not said happy birthday and says he won't if I'm going to be in a "mood"! He chucked the fact he paid for a girls weekend away in my face - to which I responded do you want a medal, we both agreed to having a baby and you want praise for looking after your OWN son whilst I'm away!

Of course I'm grateful for the money, but don't think it should be chucked in my face and I feel like I should have had a lay in this morning. I know I'm ok Mat leave for for his bday he had a lay in and breakfast made in bed!

Am I being a spoilt brat?

No I think he has been unkind. I hope he apologises soon.

Your lie in would not impact on his work day so I think you should have had one. I'd be having one on Sat for sure! X

I think so too!

And I'll defo be getting one on Saturday! I just feel like my first birthday as a mum has been ruined!

It sounds like he was to wimpy to say no to something he couldn’t realistically do because of work.

Postpone your lie in until a day he doesn’t have that to fall back on.

How are things generally? Is this a one off?

Happy birthday OP
that's a mean way of him starting your special day, hope he apologises and spoils you rotten x

Is he usually like this?
How old is your baby? Are you both feeling a bit sleep deprived?

YANBU, he's being a twat about it. If it's any consolation my DH and I had similar arguments our first year as parents to twins, I can't remember if it was a lie in on my Birthday or Mother's Day but I was furious that he said he'd do it then didn't.

In reality we were both entirely wiped out by having newborn twins and he more than pulls his weight and always has, but sometimes these arguments become all you can focus on in the here and now because you are placing a lot of importance on the one specific act.

So YANBU at all to be annoyed by this and he's being a bit of an arse. But think of this in a wider context and decide if he's like this generally or if it's an issue of everyone being tired...... If the former then yeah, let rip at him!!

That's shit, even if he was already tired he could have sucked it up for one more day on your birthday. Does he do his fair share of night wakes and early mornings otherwise? Do you get a lie in at the weekends?

Thanks all. LO is 5 months old so still not getting amazing sleep! We're moving him into his own room in a few weeks time and hoping that will help!

He pulls his weight around the house and with DS when he's not working but I think it's just because it's my first birthday as a mum and I feel like the day has just gone to sh*t! We're currently not talking which is fun!

[edited by MNHQ to remove names]

@44PumpLane - twins! You're a super mumma. This is my first baby and I struggle with one. Twins run in my family as well! They're so special!

Go out for breakfast with your son

I wouldn't have asked about the lie in I would have said that's what I was going to do

@Thehop

Go out for breakfast with your son

This is a great idea!

No I’d be really peeved by that. DH and I both had our first birthdays as parents when DD was going through a 5am wake pattern - for both our birthdays the other one took care of her until 7.30, went out with her for pastries and coffee and came back with breakfast in bed at 8. It’s a little thing, but in that first year of slog with sleep deprivation it makes a huge difference.

That said, we also had a deal that any fight we had before her first birthday didn’t ‘count’ (shamelessly pinched from someone on here!) so if you can make up so you can enjoy your birthday, I’d try. If this is part of a wider pattern of behaviour you’ll know soon enough.

YANBU. A lie in until 8 isn't much too ask! I hope he apologises OP.

He sounds horrible, even if he is working you only asked until 8, it's hardly a marathon lie in..

And it was mean of him to pay for something and then bring it up as a reason not to give you a lie in.

You posted your son’s name above.
YRNBU
HAPPY 🥳 BIRTHDAY

he's not said happy birthday and says he won't if I'm going to be in a "mood"!

This part really annoyed me. How petty and controlling is that?! "I won't say happy birthday until you behave" fuck right off.

Yanbu

I remember when mine were little it was all I’d actually want for Mother’s Day, birthdays etc, and exh would never do it.

Have a nice day with your son - out for breakfast is a good idea - and have a great weekend away when you go!

Thanks all!

He sounds very immature. I take it he’s quite young?

@Sparklfairy

he's not said happy birthday and says he won't if I'm going to be in a "mood"!

This part really annoyed me. How petty and controlling is that?! "I won't say happy birthday until you behave" fuck right off.

This is the kind of shit my abusive XH used to say.

He'd do things to intentionally piss me off, then he'd be an arse with me and tell me that he won't stop until I start acting nicer.

So, sorry OP but a lot of red flags for me.

He didn't start being an abusive cunt until I was pregnant and it really ramped up after I had my son. Never thought he'd physically hurt me until he actually did.

Think there's more to this than the lay in.

@Couchbettato yes my abusive ex did the same. "I'll behave how I want and piss you off, and when you get pissed off I'll blame my behaviour on you being pissed off" his favourite line was "ill be nice when you're nice". Twat.

Happy birthday.

He doesn't sound very kind.

Mind yourself.

Don't rush into another baby with a man who begrudges you an extra hour in bed on your birthday.

Why did he say no originally? That’s absurd! He’s being a huge man child. It’s a given that the birthday person gets a lay in!