To just want him to sit still

[Greasyjane]

10 year old ds is a dreadful fidgeter.
At the dinner table he needs reminding every minute or so to sit on his bum rather than crouching/ kneeling up.
Watching tv he’s constantly squirming around
Reading entails convoluted movements with his arms getting in knots with his legs
Etc etc
Drives me crazy and I’m sure he gets fed up of me asking him to sit still.
The only time he sits still is in the car.
I’m wondering if sensory wise it’s the motion of the car or the fact he’s got a seatbelt on and I’m wondering if I can replicate either of these conditions in other environments?
Or do I just have to put up with it?

Mmmm my first thought is dyspraxia. Has that ever been mentioned by school?

ADHD?

DS 5 years old is the same but currently asessed for adhd and autism. Things that have helped...wobble cushion and also a weighted toy...he actually sits to complete his homework now, with the weighted toy. We got him a hugaroo...one for school and one for home.

I don’t think dyspraxia but possibly/probably ADHD. School have never implied he has any difficulties although he doesn’t always listen as well as he should

It seems to be more my problem than his in that I’m so intolerant of it.

1. Does he need the toilet but is holding it in so as not to disrupt his play / whatever he's focused on ?

1. Give him something to fiddle with. Playdough works great for my fidgety mess of a 4yo. Or a transforming car he can pop in and out of place/fold in and out. Keep the hands busy so the fidgety energy comes out there instead of other limbs!

Why do you want him to sit still? If it’s just because you find it annoying then YABVU. If he’s putting himself in danger - like he keeps falling off his chair, then it’s not unreasonable to try to direct him towards less risky movement. If you think he’s not concentrating because he’s fidgetting I think you’re wrong. Some people fidget because they are concentrating. Forcing him to stall still could have a detrimental effect on his concentration - because he will be focusing on staying still on not on the task he should be doing.

Try fidget toys so he can keep occupied without having to get up.
Or try a weighted jacket, or blanket over his lap to keep him sitting down.
The sensory input might help calm him.

And of course option 3. He's bored! Let him do something else.

Look up vestibular input. Im and OT and work with wiggly kids😁

He probably is getting fed up of you asking him to sit still. I absolutely hated teachers who would ignore my questions or answers in class and instead tell me to stop moving. It’s infuriating.

What is a weighted toy?

He's not doing it on purpose, though I understand it's exasperating. My son had occupational therapy to help him build strength in core areas just to enable him to sit up and not be a human bag of jelly.

He has a developmental co-ordination disorder (dyspraxia/hyper flexible).

Most important to remember, he's not doing it to annoy you, promise!

Ah I see a wiggly kid OT has said it's vestibular input! This is what my son is currently doing a lot of in OT, he can swing like a madman but he's doing crossbody work too.

He needs a sensory diet.

Fidget toys, fidget seat spots at the dining table, opportunity to move and twist and swing - could you put a hammock up in the back yard? Get a rocking chair. Encourage play with kinetic sand, water, dough.

My daughter is 9 and was very very similar so we have massively ramped up the opportunity for her to have appropriate ways to fidget and move.

@HappenstanceMarmite

What is a weighted toy?

www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B079Y6JHN6/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_glt_fabc_8YJS4MZYBFZ4DJNXA2P2?tag=mumsnetforu03-21

This is the one we have used. Teachers and OT suggested a backpack full of dry rice but i knew exactly how that would end lol

I’ve ordered a wobble cushion for sitting at the table.
He’d love the weighted dog. I might see if I can sew some rice into an existing toy

Why does it matter if he fidgets?

Does it stop him doing anything?

@Babyiskickingmyribs

Why do you want him to sit still? If it’s just because you find it annoying then YABVU. If he’s putting himself in danger - like he keeps falling off his chair, then it’s not unreasonable to try to direct him towards less risky movement. If you think he’s not concentrating because he’s fidgetting I think you’re wrong. Some people fidget because they are concentrating. Forcing him to stall still could have a detrimental effect on his concentration - because he will be focusing on staying still on not on the task he should be doing.

Agree with all of this.

So often fidgetting is interpreted as being distracted but for some people it can help them to focus.

I used to doodle through all my uni lectures as I had this extra energy that I needed to use up and if I didn't then I wouldn't be able to listen properly.

It sounds like my son - we've taken away his chair so that he can stand/move at the table as he doesn't like sitting to eat. He is usually upside down or in a knot of limbs when he's reading or watching TV, but it's his body and I'm mostly impressed at his flexibility. He does sometimes choose to wear my (heavy) backpack or ankle weights, but because he likes them - I'd never ask him to. What is it that bothers you about it?

ImTheOnlyUpsyOne

Thanks that’s interesting. What is the science behind this? ☺️

Most of the time I can accept it even though it really grates on me but he’s getting older and it’s good manners to sit still at least at the table for reasonably short periods of time.
Interesting about doodling. All my work notebooks are covered in doodles and actually I used to rock on my chair an awful lot as a child so I guess it’s something he’s inherited

Please stop telling him to sit still that's cruel because he can't.

He also can't listen or attend if he is concentrating on sitting.

Give him a wobble cushion , weighted toy. Try a vibrating tube.

I would also try to get a referral to OT to have his sensory difficulties assessed properly

You have to tell him every minute of dinner not to kneel/crouch on his chair? Surely if this was an overall issue that he can’t sit on a chair for more than a minute it would definitely have been flagged up at school?

I wouldn’t like this. It’s dangerous as well, chairs aren’t for crouching/kneeling/wriggling around on while eating, it’s just asking to fall off it.

My ADHDer is like this. I used to joke about people who say children who read too much or watch TV get no exercise. DD can do a full set of yoga poses watching telly.

Music helps. And saving the stillness for really important times. We do A manner, B manners and C manners.

A manners is restaurants. Whole bum on the seat, nicely and politely. You wouldn't know she has ADHD.

B manners is weekend meals and grandparents visiting (or when mum is feeling grumpy!). Jiggling is allowed, nice please and thank you, using cutlery. Up and down, chat and wiggles are OK.

C manners for relaxed times. Full nonsense. If it's ribs, you can use hands, heaven forfend she sometimes licks her plate. Still verbal good manners.

She is utterly perfect in restaurants as a result. Impeccable.

I like that idea @MrsTerryPratchett.
I know he can do it if he really tries-he sat through a remembrance service last week brilliantly (and then leapt around and jabbered incessantly the whole walk home)

Should I seek a diagnosis for him? I’ve debated it for years as mostly people tend to accept him as a lively, active boy. He has a heart of gold and and is pretty bright.

I’m not sure what it would achieve judging by the lack of support services available.

Maybe for secondary school where they might be less understanding?