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To think I do not need to make an effort with Christmas anymore

218 replies

TheChip · 17/11/2021 17:38

I've always said if it was up to me I wouldn't celebrate it.
The past few years I've realised that it is up to me and so I slowly started slipping away from it all.

No more decorations, no more panic buying and getting myself into debt for the kids. It has been so much easier and to be honest, much much more enjoyable.

But I am sick of people telling me that I need to make an effort for the kids. The kids are happy with no decorations etc. They still get presents and they're happy with what they get, I just dont get myself into debt and stress anymore.

Not only do these people expect me to decorate my home for my children (who are not bothered), they also think I should buy a ridiculous amount of chocolate and sweets for Christmas. Along with filling my freezer. Why? When I say no, I'm not buying the kids loads of chocolate and shit for Christmas, I am given the sad voice as if I'm really cruel and told that I should make more of an effort for the kids. I'm constantly pestered about what I am getting them and what I should be getting them. Its almost as if they(family members) can not cope with the fact that I am not worried or stressed about Christmas so that is the mission, to make me stress out and be worried.

Since I have stopped decorating and wasting money on absolute shit through panic buying through the Christmas expectations, we have all enjoyed our Christmas days much much more.

The only thing we do for Christmas in my house is open presents and have a big dinner. My youngest is 11. I asked the kids a couple of years ago if they'd rather I did put decorations up, but they said no they're not bothered.

So,
AIBU - i should make more of an effort and celebrate Christmas the way people are expected to for the sake of the kids

YANBU - I should do what I want

I needed a vent more than anything, I think. I feel better after I've typed that ha.
I'm posting now out of curiosity to see if people think I am as cold as my family think I am

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Am I being unreasonable?

AIBU

You have one vote. All votes are anonymous.

mogsrus · 18/11/2021 08:40

It you don't want the Tat in your home,what's it to do with anyone else? & your upsetting & cruel to the children is just stupid talk,if it suits you,then so be just least your doing your bit for change btw we are the same as well. People only think about change when it suits them & sadly they will spend copious amounts of money & get into ridiculous debt over one day & then bleat like sheep that they can't do this or that,because they haven't got the money to do whatever,crazy 100% crazy, perhaps next year when the cash situation really starts to kick in people will finally realise. I DON'T NEED ANY OF THIS GARBAGE. Keep doing what your doing

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speakout · 18/11/2021 08:44

It is possible to celebrate christmas without a house full of garbage.

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phoenixrosehere · 18/11/2021 09:08

Actually I disagree with Bluntness. My youngest is not interested in tree, or decorations.

All he's interested in is having a Lindor large balls advent calendar, one present on Christmas Day, is the one he wants, ie the latest x box game or some such, he's not much interested in much else. And the fact he gets 2 weeks off school.


That’s what I wanted as a kid. I hated the faff around Christmas. I spent it hearing my parents arguing, my mother baking cakes and cookies until 3 am (wasn’t necessary, but her choice), having to detangle Christmas lights for the house and the tree so dad could put them up and so I could decorate the tree including putting it up (plastic tree) and placing the ornaments and what not on it only to be told I didn’t do it correctly. The only joys I found were seeing the public displays, getting a Christmas outfit and seeing my relatives from out of town.

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thevassal · 18/11/2021 09:14

@Ponoka7

My youngest DD wasn't bothered about decorations during her early teens. I like decorations, so I still did it. She then came around to the idea and joined in. Personally I won't sit in s house without decorations over Christmas. So it might be something that you have to revisit in the future. We don't do adult presents, or over indulge too much, so I'm with you on that, if that's what they do definitely want.

Wait you won't sit in a house without decorations? Do you mean your house, or if someone else invited you over and their house wasn't decorated you'd leave???
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VikingLady · 18/11/2021 11:31

I'm coming into this from the other end. I LOVE making a massive fuss over Christmas, birthdays, Easter etc, but my kids hate it. We dialled it back a bit a couple of years ago and Christmas went so much more happily: almost no meltdowns, much better mood and behaviour (ASD/ADHD) and they just seemed better for it. So we're reducing it year on year.

I hate it. I WANT a fuss. Winter is a drag. Life generally is a drag tbh, and celebrations cheer me up, but they can't take it.

Do what works for your family and ignore other people. They don't live with you. They aren't entitled to push their views.

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Hemingwayscats · 18/11/2021 11:33

Whatever works for you really. I’d love not to get into debt buying presents but I can’t afford them otherwise and I really don’t think I’d sleep if I didn’t buy them anything.

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CecilyP · 18/11/2021 11:36

If you still own decorations and the kids were that bothered, they are old enough to put up decorations themselves.

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CatsArePeople · 18/11/2021 16:12

I'd say YABVU
Even is kids act not bothered or not wanting to help you, its memories that will stay with them.
You don't need to go over the top, go in debt or stress yourself out. But not making any effort - its just mean.

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TheChip · 18/11/2021 16:21

I honestly didn't think so many people held decorations and a tree so highly up there on what makes Christmas happy. I thought it was more so spending time together that mattered. Thats what matters to me.
As others have said, if the kids wanted the tree and decorations up, they are more than welcome to get them out and do it themselves. But they don't want to because they aren't bothered

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EnidFrighten · 18/11/2021 16:25

Opening presents and a dinner sounds nice. You could get a little fibre optic tree you just plug in and you're done. But whatever works for you.

The main thing I like about Christmas is the feeling that normal life has stopped. Nice games and walks etc. Doesn't cost anything.

I know a few people who used to volunteer at Christmas, I think it was a homeless soup kitchen type of thing. Would that appeal?

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CaptainHammer · 18/11/2021 16:27

As a teen I really wasn’t bothered by decorations and all that. As long as I had presents and was allowed to text my friends some of the time I was happy!
You know your children OP. Doing what’s right for your family and not getting in to debt is much better than giving in to other peoples expectations.

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DeepaBeesKit · 18/11/2021 16:28

Yanbu op in principle OP. You dont have to go overkill on Christmas the whole month of December. I think most people in uk do have a Christmas tree though, I know my kids friends would find it odd/comment if we didnt have even a small tree.

However if you've asked your kids openly if they'd like one and they really arent fussed, who cares. Enjoy your Christmas the way you like it!

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speakout · 18/11/2021 16:32

Putting up decorations are part of spending time together.
Since my kids were small it would be a big event- getting the decorations down from the loft, we would put aside a Sunday afternoon and my kids would be excited pulling thigs out of boxes,, remembering favourite decorations, things they had made in previous years.
Armed with drawing tacks and blu tack we go around the house pinning up pictures, placing christmas ornaments- that's family time- and free.
Getting the tree would be another afternoon- and very exciting- OH chopping off the end to the right height, securing to the wall, all the fun of putting on the lights, hanging the baubles.
All done to christmas songs in the background and a sherry or two for the grown ups.

My kids loved these times- and still do- even though my youngest is 21, a day putting up the christmas tree is something we look forward to.

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DeepaBeesKit · 18/11/2021 16:33

Speakout my kids are like this. All of it is a huge deal

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Floralnomad · 18/11/2021 16:38

Myself ( and my children both in their 20s) would rather have a Christmas tree and decorations than presents . I think it’s a bit sad that presents is the only thing your children like about Christmas, if that was the case in my house I think I’d be tempted to not bother with the presents . I will also say that when your children are grown up and have partners don’t be surprised if you never see them at Christmas . My in-laws never bothered with decorations and we’ve not had one Christmas there .

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TheChip · 18/11/2021 16:42

I honestly wouldn't be bothered if my kids didn't want to spend Christmas here when they're adults.

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KT727 · 18/11/2021 17:00

Hm I'm torn- I think that a stress-free Christmas without loads of cooking a turkey that no-one eats and without splurging on presents that no-one wants sounds great.

On the other hand, I don't think that putting up a cheap Christmas and some baubles would hurt anyone and you might find that your now 11 year-old does actually care a bit about the lack of decorations but only tells you when they're older.

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KT727 · 18/11/2021 17:02

** Christmas tree, not 'christmas'

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cherish123 · 18/11/2021 17:23

YANBU Your Christmas sounds lovely and happy.

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IntermittentParps · 18/11/2021 17:25

YANBU. You know your family. I am Hmm at the psychics on here gloomily prophesying that a) your kids are secretly crying inside and/or b) they will hate you for ever and will one day in anger tell you they always loathed your Christmases.

Tell your relatives they can mind their own business.

And ignore idiots on here snarking about you being 'joyless' and having raw sprouts, and showing off about how many gifts and how much food they buy and how beautiful their tree is.
Honestly. What's wrong with people?

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toxic44 · 18/11/2021 17:36

I don't bother at all. DP has miserable childhood memories of Christmas and starts with anxiety by 15th - 16th December. So I said, okay, we shan't keep Christmas, it's no big deal. We have little gifts all the year and good food. So what's to bother about? We do keep the Solstice but very low key.

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maofteens · 18/11/2021 17:37

Well if they're not bothered and you aren't then it's nobody's business is it?
Christmas is my thing, and before I had kids and even if no one would see them but me I always decorated the house because I get a lot of pleasure from it. But that's me, and people should understand that not everyone shares the same opinions about things!

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WTF475878237NC · 18/11/2021 17:37

Personally I'd rather not do presents and have a few times spent the money on experiences instead. Prioritising presents seems odder to me than no decorations.

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CloR86 · 18/11/2021 17:38

I feel exactly the same as you! I like a bit of festive cheer but do not understand people who stress themselves out and spend more money than they can afford on Christmas! Do what you want to do and try your best to ignore everyone else. I don't celebrate my birthday and it does my head in every year when people try and force me to do something for it!

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PaulGallico · 18/11/2021 17:43

Once I got to 10-11 my Mum decided to 'stop bothering with a tree or decorations' - thinking back to those dull Christmas's still makes me feel a little sad now and I'm 60. Your choice OP but you do sound miserable.

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