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To think I do not need to make an effort with Christmas anymore

218 replies

TheChip · 17/11/2021 17:38

I've always said if it was up to me I wouldn't celebrate it.
The past few years I've realised that it is up to me and so I slowly started slipping away from it all.

No more decorations, no more panic buying and getting myself into debt for the kids. It has been so much easier and to be honest, much much more enjoyable.

But I am sick of people telling me that I need to make an effort for the kids. The kids are happy with no decorations etc. They still get presents and they're happy with what they get, I just dont get myself into debt and stress anymore.

Not only do these people expect me to decorate my home for my children (who are not bothered), they also think I should buy a ridiculous amount of chocolate and sweets for Christmas. Along with filling my freezer. Why? When I say no, I'm not buying the kids loads of chocolate and shit for Christmas, I am given the sad voice as if I'm really cruel and told that I should make more of an effort for the kids. I'm constantly pestered about what I am getting them and what I should be getting them. Its almost as if they(family members) can not cope with the fact that I am not worried or stressed about Christmas so that is the mission, to make me stress out and be worried.

Since I have stopped decorating and wasting money on absolute shit through panic buying through the Christmas expectations, we have all enjoyed our Christmas days much much more.

The only thing we do for Christmas in my house is open presents and have a big dinner. My youngest is 11. I asked the kids a couple of years ago if they'd rather I did put decorations up, but they said no they're not bothered.

So,
AIBU - i should make more of an effort and celebrate Christmas the way people are expected to for the sake of the kids

YANBU - I should do what I want

I needed a vent more than anything, I think. I feel better after I've typed that ha.
I'm posting now out of curiosity to see if people think I am as cold as my family think I am

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Am I being unreasonable?

AIBU

You have one vote. All votes are anonymous.

xxxGirlCrushxxx · 17/11/2021 18:34

Yanbu

I no longer have little children around, youngest a teen now so it's a more adult Christmas. No Santa, elves, pressure to go to events etc etc

I've actually bought some nice decorations with a neutral theme, few lights, candles and all the GOOD food. Because I want to and because it's more a case of adult entertaining

Not a candy cane in sight!

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Jobsharenightmare · 17/11/2021 18:34

You seem to have gone too far the other way. It doesn't need to involve materialistic purchases and debt to be lovely. However it is none of my business if you're all happy with it!

My husband used to have such low key Christmases as a kid that as an adult he only went to his parents' once every 5 years or so as my family did make it more fun with playing games, singing carols, decorations, and little traditions.

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Tal45 · 17/11/2021 18:35

To me I couldn't imagine not having a Christmas tree and decorations - it's what differentiates Christmas from any other time of year and I enjoy the results. I remember when my mum lost interest in Christmas and decided she wasn't going to decorate when I was a teen, I was so disappointed and I know my 15 year old would be if I stopped now. I agree with not buying loads of chocolate, filling the freezer just for the sake of it and getting into debt over presents/buying unnecessarily though. But I think I'll decorate until I drop down dead because it just puts me in a festive, happy mood.

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SnowfallSnowball · 17/11/2021 18:37

I’ve never been a fan of Christmas, think it stems from my mum being a Jehovah’s Witness when I was a child. After she passed I celebrated with siblings but I never really enjoyed it. As a result I don’t celebrate it. I have a 14DD, my friends respect and don’t judge my choices. Although when my DD was younger people were aghast to find out that I didn’t celebrate it, buy presents, decorations etc. If you don’t want to do those things, don’t. Not everyone wants to and that’s fine.
I’m estranged from my family anyway so choose to spend my time off with my DD by flying out of here and getting some winter sun! 😊

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YesIamTHATmum · 17/11/2021 18:37

It sounds fine op. Enjoy your low key Christmas

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Hbh17 · 17/11/2021 18:38

I always hated Xmas from my early teens so would have been thrilled with no decorations (& could have ditched the vile turkey dinner too!). So, as an adult, i have never bought into any of it. Not everybody is the same, therefore not all children are the same either - these assumptions that the kids are missing out are infuriating...... just let everyone do their own thing.

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TheYearOfSmallThings · 17/11/2021 18:41

If nobody in your house cares, then I can see that it might seem like a waste of energy. And I agree that people go overboard buying more food than anyone needs, and waste money on meaningless gifts.

However...I do wonder if in your haste to dismiss the excesses of your wider family, you may be going a bit far. A simple Christmas tree wouldn't take that much effort, and if you don't like the traditional things like a pantomime or carol service, you could make a custom of doing something your family does enjoy (a musical, a comedy show, a theme park).

When I look back, my DM did a lot of stuff I didn't value or appreciate at the time, which I now look back on fondly (carol service, visiting relatives down the country etc). I might have voted not to bother if I had the choice, but those memories have such a strong flavour of a time that is gone, and I value that greatly now.

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Oblomov21 · 17/11/2021 18:41

I do put up lights outside, wreath, decs inside, small LED tree. Dh and older teen ds's completely unbothered.

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Hetyanni · 17/11/2021 18:45

I think your family are a bit odd. I go all out for Christmas but I can't even imagine giving a shit what anyone else does. I don't recall ever even asking. Do they visit you? If not just say yeah, full freezer, well stressed! And get on with your life.

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SpringRainbow · 17/11/2021 18:45

Why does anyone need to know? I don’t go into great detail about all the stuff I do for my kids at Christmas.

Just do what you want to do, as long as you and your kids are happy then that is what matters.

You don’t have to explain or tell anyone anything.

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Funkopopper · 17/11/2021 18:45

My mum hated decorating for Christmas, she made it miserable for everyone when my dad, eventually, lost patience and put the most minimalist of decorations up in one room. It was much easier to say "it doesn't matter, I don't mind," than have it be a huge issue. As soon as I moved out my own little house became a beacon of baubles and lights and eventually I started spending Christmas with my Husband who's family go all out.

The irony is since my mum became a Grandma her house is lit up like Santa's Grotto.

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Inthesameboatatmo · 17/11/2021 18:47

I am exactly the same op , the ex husband used to call me the Grinch. I admit I'm a little non plussed about it all though. All because I winced and cringed while he made the outside of the house look like something from national lampoon, not even remotely tasteful it was awful.
So this year I've made him take it all and let the new girlfriend deal with it all and his mini light up villages everywhere in the house.
The kids aren't bothered they can't stand pomp and ceremony either tbh.
So this Xmas will be some Decorations but only a few .
I also get all the sad faces and stupid voices but at the end of the day it's upto you how you choose to do Xmas and sod everyone else.

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coodawoodashooda · 17/11/2021 18:50

@hangrylady

I bet your children would love decorations, they've probably just been conditioned into not being bothered because you're not. There's nothing wrong with it if everyone is happy but it sounds a bit joyless to me. Each to their own though.

I think this. I bet when they're adults they go mad for Christmas decorations.
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speakout · 17/11/2021 18:51

Your choice OP.
Personally I love christmas- and lots of other festivals throughout the year.

It needn't be a time of buying plastic and spending money though- we were skin when the kids were young. Modest gifts, bought lovely decorations from charity shops, made paper chains, cut snowflakes from A4 printer paper, collected yule logs from the woods. We baked, made christmas cookies, ice candles- a real time of celebration- and still is, my youngest is 21 and we still hang up stockings and keep the magic alive!

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speakout · 17/11/2021 18:51

Skint not skin!!

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Howshouldibehave · 17/11/2021 18:52

they also think I should buy a ridiculous amount of chocolate and sweets for Christmas. Along with filling my freezer

Well I can categorically state that none of my friends or family have any idea what sweets and chocolate I buy or what on earth is in my freezer. Because I don’t tell them and they don’t ask!

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speakout · 17/11/2021 18:52

hangrylady

I bet your children would love decorations, they've probably just been conditioned into not being bothered because you're not. There's nothing wrong with it if everyone is happy but it sounds a bit joyless to me. Each to their own though.


Totall agree.

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1forAll74 · 17/11/2021 18:55

Yes, very wise to do a bit of a Christmas knock back, my view entirely, and has been for a few years now. It is absolutely weird to me, that people start talking about Christmas at the end of September, when there are three months to go. I have seen people who already put a Christmas tree up, in the first week of October, and lights and stuff in the windows. September to me,is still Autumn.

I guess it must be a thrill for some people, to put up a tree in October, trudge round the shops, wondering what to buy people, get stressed about family Christmas arrangements, and spend big at all times.

But you will get frowned upon, if you state that you would prefer a stress free Christmas, and don't go big on everything and prefer a more simple Christmas.. and more enjoyable it will be. !

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BarbaraofSeville · 17/11/2021 18:59

Why don't people believe that the OPs DC aren't bothered by decorations? Not everyone is and it's not miserable to not have something you're not bothered about having.

If you have decorations in the loft OP, you could always say to them 'put the decorations up if you like' and see if they do it. If they do, they do want them, if they don't, they're not that bothered about it.

Or you can always go for a walk around your neighbourhood after dark to look at the decorated houses and go home for a hot chocolate. That's a nice way to spend a winter's evening when the weather is mild and dry.

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toconclude · 17/11/2021 19:01

@hangrylady

I bet your children would love decorations, they've probably just been conditioned into not being bothered because you're not. There's nothing wrong with it if everyone is happy but it sounds a bit joyless to me. Each to their own though.

And it sounds lovely to me. Joy is not about bloody tinsel and baubles, you're just as conditioned as you accuse OP of doing. Give over with the "won't someone think of the children " sad eyes pass agg schtick, do
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LittleDandelionClock · 17/11/2021 19:01

@Sirzy

Are you sure children are happy with it that way? When they are young I do think to a point it should be about them - not in an OTT way but also not doing nothing at all

This. The kids are probably trying to play it down because their mum is. No way are ANY children not arsed about Christmas. Probably just scared to admit they want a proper Christmas.
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FinallyHere · 17/11/2021 19:03

Not only do these people expect me to

Who are these people? Stop listening to them.

If they persist, jolly them along. Yes, of course, we will be flying the DC to Lapland first class and when we are there, doing a trip to the moon.

The pay back for being an adult and all the responsibility that comes with that, is that you really do get to decide what happens for your family.

Getting into debt and running yourself ragged is no way to do Christmas. Do the things you enjoy and let the rest go hang. If there is anything the DC want to do, let them arrange it as they get older. Enjoy.

Oh, of course, you are NBU

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Lasair · 17/11/2021 19:04

What are you in about? Just do what you want. No need for a Mn post about this.

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Howshouldibehave · 17/11/2021 19:07

I'd buy loads of other shit because of pressure

I don’t do this-I don’t feel any pressure to buy crap. I just do some presents they want and a stocking each of cheaply things that I think they’d like or a nicer version of stuff they need-no tat.

I also put decorations up-they are pretty and I already own them, so they don’t cost any money.

Christmas is what you make it. It sounds a little bit like you’ve made it miserable because you are. It’s obviously up to you what you do though.

And don’t show or tell anyone what’s in your freezer!

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Luredbyapomegranate · 17/11/2021 19:07

Do what you want, long as your kids happy enough.

I love C’mas, if you don’t - there’s no point.

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