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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

My partner ridiculing my job

62 replies

Sweetchocolatecandy · 17/11/2021 09:51

My partner applied for a job for an admin role in the office where i work last year. I obviously put his name forward as a recommendation however he didn’t get the job. Since then he has proceeded to ‘play down’ my job saying things like anyone can work in an office and you could teach a monkey to do my job (obviously bitter!). He made a similar comment in front of my friend/work colleague the other day like ‘I can’t believe I got rejected when ALL you do is blah blah blah’ so I pulled him up about it the other day and he was really shocked saying he was joking and has a new job now anyway so doesn’t care.

Am I being overly sensitive or is he BU?

OP posts:
RobotValkyrie · 18/11/2021 21:46

It's not your fault your partner is a dick. You need to stop internalising his bad behaviour.

ChateauxNeufDePoop · 18/11/2021 21:57

@Sweetchocolatecandy

He’s actually lovely (although I appreciate it doesn’t come across that way in the post) but I just don’t think he copes well with rejection- which is fine but I don’t think it gives him an excuse to be nasty. But when I confronted him he accused me of being nasty to him!
Ah yes, the textbook definition of lovely...
tallduckandhandsome · 18/11/2021 22:00

@Sweetchocolatecandy

He’s actually lovely (although I appreciate it doesn’t come across that way in the post) but I just don’t think he copes well with rejection- which is fine but I don’t think it gives him an excuse to be nasty. But when I confronted him he accused me of being nasty to him!
Come on, OP, you must know someone who puts you down and gaslights you is not lovely?

Don’t move in with him.
Don’t marry him.
Don’t have children with him.

But do dump him.

ChateauxNeufDePoop · 18/11/2021 22:00

@heldinadream

OP - my partner did dickish thing. Mumsnetters - he's a dick. OP - he's lovely really. Mumsnetters - how is he lovely? OP - he really is. Mumsnetters - what is it you want? OP - I want you to agree with me that he's lovely really. Mumsnetters - how is he lovely?

I don't know how it ends but I read this thread every single day on mumsnet.

This should be a fridge magnet in so many homes on here it's almost heartbreaking.
tallduckandhandsome · 18/11/2021 22:04

@Sweetchocolatecandy

Ok I didn’t start this thread to be insulted, my confidence is already low so I was looking for some support. It was irritating that he was making the comments to me but it bothered me more that he said it in front of my friend who does the same job. It was embarrassing and humiliating. I wasn’t defending his behaviour but he DOES have some great qualities otherwise I wouldn’t be with him. Please don’t kick me when I’m already down.
We are trying to support you, OP.

Do you really think someone lovely would ever behave this way?

What are his great qualities?

Nanny0gg · 18/11/2021 22:08

@Sweetchocolatecandy

He’s actually lovely (although I appreciate it doesn’t come across that way in the post) but I just don’t think he copes well with rejection- which is fine but I don’t think it gives him an excuse to be nasty. But when I confronted him he accused me of being nasty to him!
Re-read this and point out the 'lovely'
Nanny0gg · 18/11/2021 22:10

@Sweetchocolatecandy

Ok I didn’t start this thread to be insulted, my confidence is already low so I was looking for some support. It was irritating that he was making the comments to me but it bothered me more that he said it in front of my friend who does the same job. It was embarrassing and humiliating. I wasn’t defending his behaviour but he DOES have some great qualities otherwise I wouldn’t be with him. Please don’t kick me when I’m already down.
We're not kicking you, we're kicking him

He's the one kicking you!

billy1966 · 18/11/2021 22:14

@Sweetchocolatecandy

Ok I didn’t start this thread to be insulted, my confidence is already low so I was looking for some support. It was irritating that he was making the comments to me but it bothered me more that he said it in front of my friend who does the same job. It was embarrassing and humiliating. I wasn’t defending his behaviour but he DOES have some great qualities otherwise I wouldn’t be with him. Please don’t kick me when I’m already down.
OP,

If your confidence is so low that you accept this nasty behaviour then you would be far better on your own and work on your self esteem.

You are asking to end up with an abusive, nasty prick who will ruin your life if you tolerate awful behaviour but insist on calling it lovely.

Posters are giving you honest, genuine advice to help you to realise that you deserve so much better than him.

"People will give you as much shit as you allow.

We teach people how to treat us."

Please re read this thread and don't take offence from it.

It is meant to help you.Flowers

whitehorsesdonotlie · 18/11/2021 22:29

Look up DARVO. That's what he did.

Doesn't sound lovely.

ChargingBuck · 19/11/2021 11:54

Nobody's insulted you except your b/f OP.

And please think about working on your self-esteem. You're not alone in having confidence issues, there's no "kicking" implied when PP advise you to work on that, & your boundaries, & the bar you set for how this man treats you.

But when you say the worst of it was that your b/f humiliated you in front of your friend & you are more concerned about feeling embarrassed in front of a 3rd party than you are horrified that someone who is meant to love you has been a massive bellend to you, PP are going to be concerned.

Why is the fact that your friend overheard, more important to you than the fact your b/f insults & denigrates you?
You friend's opinion isn't more important than yours, is it?
So why is it ok for your b/f to insult you (as you are now brushing this under the carpet & clearly intend to do nothing about it) - but not ok for your friend to hear it too?
Is being in a relationship so compelling to you that you will put up with this awful behaviour rather than be single?
Does it not matter how poorly he speaks to you, so long as nobody else hears him doing it?

Why are you according yourself less respect than you accord your friend?

Of course your b/f has good qualities too.
A delicious sandwich with your favourite fillings has good qualities. But if I served you your favourite sandwich, with just 5% shit in it, would you eat it?
So why are you tolerating this 5% shit in your relationship?

What are you going to do about this now - have you even spoken to your b/f about how unacceptably he's behaving?

& again - NOBODY HERE IS KICKING YOU. PP are simply concerned that your b/f is showing you the thin end of a very ugly wedge.
Here's some weekend reading for you that you might find very helpful - www.amazon.co.uk/Woman-Your-Own-Right-Assertiveness/dp/0704334208?tag=mumsnetforu03-21

billy1966 · 19/11/2021 12:23

@ChargingBuck

Great post OP.

If you value yourself at all and place any importance on having a relationship where you are treated with kindness and respect, you will take the time to massively reflect on where you find yourself.

Taking offence where none was intended is an avoidant tactic that you will learn to regret.

Deal with the core issue.
You will be the better for it.
Flowers

IncompleteSenten · 19/11/2021 13:25

No that was awful of him.
Tbh I'd fight petty with petty and say clearly not because they didn't want you, did they?

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