My partner ridiculing my job

[Sweetchocolatecandy]

My partner applied for a job for an admin role in the office where i work last year. I obviously put his name forward as a recommendation however he didn’t get the job. Since then he has proceeded to ‘play down’ my job saying things like anyone can work in an office and you could teach a monkey to do my job (obviously bitter!). He made a similar comment in front of my friend/work colleague the other day like ‘I can’t believe I got rejected when ALL you do is blah blah blah’ so I pulled him up about it the other day and he was really shocked saying he was joking and has a new job now anyway so doesn’t care.

Am I being overly sensitive or is he BU?

He doesn’t sound lovely

Tell him he must be an especially stupid monkey if a monkey could do it and he didn’t even get the job

OP - my partner did dickish thing.
Mumsnetters - he's a dick.
OP - he's lovely really.
Mumsnetters - how is he lovely?
OP - he really is.
Mumsnetters - what is it you want?
OP - I want you to agree with me that he's lovely really.
Mumsnetters - how is he lovely?

I don't know how it ends but I read this thread every single day on mumsnet.

@heldinadream

OP - my partner did dickish thing. Mumsnetters - he's a dick. OP - he's lovely really. Mumsnetters - how is he lovely? OP - he really is. Mumsnetters - what is it you want? OP - I want you to agree with me that he's lovely really. Mumsnetters - how is he lovely?

I don't know how it ends but I read this thread every single day on mumsnet.

Yes, exactly.

OP, he needs to learn to deal with rejection in a less juvenile way.

Having said that, I regularly ridicule my DH's job, and he's CEO of a big organisation -- it keeps him real.

@heldinadream

OP - my partner did dickish thing. Mumsnetters - he's a dick. OP - he's lovely really. Mumsnetters - how is he lovely? OP - he really is. Mumsnetters - what is it you want? OP - I want you to agree with me that he's lovely really. Mumsnetters - how is he lovely?

I don't know how it ends but I read this thread every single day on mumsnet.

This.

Never seen the point of these threads

My boyfriends a wanker.
Yup
No he’s not.

Eh ok. Crack on, as you were,

Mine did this. I divorced him

How bitter and rude. Bollocks to it being you being nasty to him.
Kick him up the arse.

@heldinadream

OP - my partner did dickish thing. Mumsnetters - he's a dick. OP - he's lovely really. Mumsnetters - how is he lovely? OP - he really is. Mumsnetters - what is it you want? OP - I want you to agree with me that he's lovely really. Mumsnetters - how is he lovely?

I don't know how it ends but I read this thread every single day on mumsnet.

It's like Groundhog Day, isn't it?

It's hard to see what these OPs want from the threads.

Interesting that he directs negative emotions at you. Did you always envisage being someone's punchbag?

All you do is blah blah blah, yet he still couldn't get the job, so what does that say about him?

He’s actually lovely Really? He sounds immature and rude.

He is being a knob

He's a twat and has compared you to a monkey (although has called himself worse by doing that, but he's too stupid to have realised). If he keeps doing it after you've told him to quit it, dump him. He's not worth it and too thick to worry about.

@Sweetchocolatecandy

He’s actually lovely (although I appreciate it doesn’t come across that way in the post) but I just don’t think he copes well with rejection- which is fine but I don’t think it gives him an excuse to be nasty. But when I confronted him he accused me of being nasty to him!

Finding it hard to reconcile this doubling-down with the "lovely" description you gave OP ... not only does he ridicule your job, but when you pulled him up on it, he DARVO'd you.

metro.co.uk/2020/06/13/guide-darvo-gaslighting-response-people-give-when-called-bad-behaviour-12847680/

He at least now seems to be aware his behaviour is out of order.
If he reverts to it - ask him why, if your job is so piss-poor, he couldn't even get past the interview stage himself?

@HomeSliceKnowsBest

Sour grapes from a man who, by his own admission isn't as capable or employable as a monkey. I find bullying behaviour from a man so very unattractive

👏👏👏👏

Ask if he'd like some vinegar on his (massive) chips!

@heldinadream

OP - my partner did dickish thing. Mumsnetters - he's a dick. OP - he's lovely really. Mumsnetters - how is he lovely? OP - he really is. Mumsnetters - what is it you want? OP - I want you to agree with me that he's lovely really. Mumsnetters - how is he lovely?

I don't know how it ends but I read this thread every single day on mumsnet.

100% this. ^ He's always a 'great dad' too.

Does my head in.

There's some hard wiring in many women whereby they can see a man's being a dick right up until other people can see it too. It's like a weird kind of reverse confirmation bias.

I think what they're actually looking for is reassurance that it's okay for them to tolerate their partner being a dick.

When everyone can see and reflects back to you that your partner is a real shithead, you are going to panic and start scrabbling for reasons why he isn't and they are all man-hating bitches. Because otherwise you have to ask yourself, what the fuck am I doing with this man? And, is this my life now?

@GertrudeBElion

"I know you're embarrassed that you didn't get the job, but insulting me and my colleagues just makes you sound unpleasant. Get over it"

Great comeback.

And he clearly does care or he wouldn't be going on about it. He sounds nasty to me, I'd be taking a look at the rest of the relationship.

@heldinadream

OP - my partner did dickish thing. Mumsnetters - he's a dick. OP - he's lovely really. Mumsnetters - how is he lovely? OP - he really is. Mumsnetters - what is it you want? OP - I want you to agree with me that he's lovely really. Mumsnetters - how is he lovely?

I don't know how it ends but I read this thread every single day on mumsnet.

It's so depressing how low some women's standards are.

@user1471457751

So a monkey could do the job but he couldn't even get the job. What does that make him?

Quite.

He is not lovely. He sounds like a massive twat.

Anyone can work in an office?! Not him because he didn’t get the job x

I actually really admire his honesty, most people who didn’t get a job would be saying how it was actually a big ask to get an interview even, they probably wanted someone internal because it’s quite specialised, etc etc.
But he’s acknowledging, in front of other people too, that he’s not able to get a job a trained monkey could do.
Brave.

OP I could sympathise with him. Rejection stings. I’d be dragging my DP to the pub and agreeing with him that it was their loss and he probably wouldn’t have liked it really, he’s better off somewhere else etc.

But your DP, in order to make himself feel better, has to make you feel small. And then when you point that out, undermines you. That’s the concern.

OP, he is anything but nice. Your standards are so low not even a bloody snail could limbo underneath...

Ok I didn’t start this thread to be insulted, my confidence is already low so I was looking for some support. It was irritating that he was making the comments to me but it bothered me more that he said it in front of my friend who does the same job. It was embarrassing and humiliating. I wasn’t defending his behaviour but he DOES have some great qualities otherwise I wouldn’t be with him. Please don’t kick me when I’m already down.

He most certainly is not lovely.

You have really low standards.

Why would you tolerate him denigrating what you do even once?

Low standards is why.

I'm with @NurseButtercup, he said you were nasty?

For challenging him for denigrating your job?

You have low standards.

Be very careful.

You think his sensitivity to rejection is ok?

Clearly it isn't when he takes it out on you and is nasty.

Raise your standards or bitterly regret it.