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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be concerned about 4yo son

28 replies

Ablomum · 16/11/2021 22:20

Name change as family use this site.

I'm concerned about my son's behaviour, his extended family dismiss my concerns as he's "perfect" which is really getting me down as I struggle with his behaviour and it's making me doubt myself as they say he's just a typical 4 year old.

Behaviours that are concerning me:

He has no interest in anything other than what he wants to be interested in. If it's cars, planes or trains fine, anything other than that he flat out refuses. School confirmed this is the case whilst he is there.

He doesn't have a solid friendship, he has never been "best friends" with other children around him, he's always been very independent and self entertained, school commented on this also.

He has huge meltdowns if his routine changes, even if he's forewarned that a change is going to happen. He will have the mother of all tantrums it's very distressing to watch and no amount of reasoning with him helps.

He is very picky with his food, he will only eat very small portions and mostly beige food, alternatively he will go hungry and refuse to eat if offered things he doesn't want, he won't even try them.

Is this typical 4 year old behaviour? Do I just have to grin and bear it and hope things improve?!

OP posts:
ShaneTheThird · 16/11/2021 22:22

This is all absolutely normal 4 year old behaviour sadly. He sounds exactly like my DSS.

TabithaTumbler · 16/11/2021 22:24

I agree sounds like any other 4 year old.

Dogdoggerdog · 16/11/2021 22:24

Sounds exactly like my son, bless him, I think you have nothing to worry about, just some tough times to get through. Solidarity

Hankunamatata · 16/11/2021 22:26

He could be neurodiverse or typical 4 year old. Do the school have concerns?

Since you are concerned phone your gp and have a chat. They are the gateway to referral services for autism or other ND.

Newbabynewhouse · 16/11/2021 22:27

Are you suspecting ASD? As some of these behaviours are linked to ASD.. i would say keep an eye on him and raise it with a health visitor? It may just be young child behaviour but of it gets worse or doesn't improve I'd start to make steps towards getting him assessed as it Will help everybody having a diagnosis..(if it is)

Wooky8 · 16/11/2021 22:28

Sounds just like my child.

Wheelerdeeler · 16/11/2021 22:30

Sounds nothing like my 4 year.

Trust your instincts

Scottishnurse · 16/11/2021 22:31

You've just described my 5yo dd. I really wouldn't worry. All sounds totally normal.

lanthanum · 16/11/2021 22:32

Those behaviours could be the result either of ASD or being 4 years old. At his age, the latter is the more likely cause! Give it time and see what happens.

Pineappen · 16/11/2021 22:33

It feels like you’re suspecting he might have autism op?

I think his behaviour is perfectly normal for a 4 year old

TheKeatingFive · 16/11/2021 22:34

Absolutely standard 4 year old behaviour

DuckDuckNo · 16/11/2021 22:35

Sounds just like my son. He is on the spectrum but I have no idea whether those behaviours are because of that or because he's 4.

HireStarter · 16/11/2021 22:39

These could be traits of ASD. But can also be typical, although lots of 4 yr olds start having friendships by then. Does he EVER play with other children, even if they don't develop into friendships? How are his communication skills?

I don't think what you describe is rare amongst 4 yr olds but equally I don't think your concerns should be dismissed. Have you asked a HV for support?

HireStarter · 16/11/2021 22:41

Fwiw - my 3yr olds don't display any of those traits, except they are only just starting to socialise now. Otherwise, they eat well and varied, behave well generally without meltdowns and whilst they're very focused on certain hobbies, they do enjoy variety in play.

Don't let people dismiss your worries.

beatrice82 · 16/11/2021 22:44

He sounds absolutely normal to me.

MistyFrequencies · 16/11/2021 22:44

Sounds nothing like my 4 year old, she has 2 best friends, no meltdowns, eats range of foods, can play along with others interests.
Sounds very much like my autistic 3 year old though. Trust your instincts.

Wowcherarestalkingme · 16/11/2021 22:45

He sounds similar to my DS who we are in the process of getting a diagnosis. He is five now and still displays the same traits. He stood out amongst his peers for his lack of social engagement and most four year olds I know play with their friends at school soo don’t think it sounds like typical 4 year old behaviour. Aspects perhaps but if he is never interacting with other children or able to play with other toys I would say that’s not typical.

Cici22 · 16/11/2021 22:48

As someone with autistic siblings, and studying psychology. He is demonstrating some traits. Start getting him in the process. As he's behaving this way in school as well and not just at home. That isn't normal. Anyone who tells you it is, is wrong. No on listened to my dad and my 18 year old sister has been in the diagnostic stage finally. Please seek help x

sleepylittlebunnies · 16/11/2021 22:48

I think as school have commented on these behaviours it suggests his behaviour might not be typical. As you are concerned also then it’s worth looking into and maybe discussing your concerns with his teacher and taking it from there.

My DS was similar and his pre-school teacher shared her concerns with me. He was referred for assessment and told that he had severe speech and language delay, no ASD as his eye contact was too good. He was diagnosed with ASD aged 9.

Ledition · 16/11/2021 22:49

They do sound like "typical" ASD traits but lots of 4yo's also have these traits. However if your gut is telling you something is off then voice your concerns to a professional - GP/psychologist/OT as more often than not a mother will know when somethings not quite "right". I have a 5yo and an almost 4yo and they can be fussy eaters and 5yo is only getting into "best friends" now but the epic tantrums and single mindedness stopped around aged 2 so I would have some slight concerns over this personally.

TabithaTumbler · 16/11/2021 22:52

@MistyFrequencies

Sounds nothing like my 4 year old, she has 2 best friends, no meltdowns, eats range of foods, can play along with others interests. Sounds very much like my autistic 3 year old though. Trust your instincts.
Tbf 4 year old girls are very different to 4 year old boys ime. Could be traits of asd or could be typical 4 year old boy behaviour, I think you have to give it time OP.
Coffee45 · 16/11/2021 23:01

Sounds like my 4 year old.

Do 4 year olds have a solid friendship at this age?

Ledition · 16/11/2021 23:07

Do 4 year olds have a solid friendship at this age?

Not in my experience - I know lots of 4yo's and definitely not the norm amongst them.

Summerfun54321 · 16/11/2021 23:08

Sounds exactly like my DD when she was 4. We were really worried about her huge melt downs and starting school. A couple of months after she started reception she just massively grew up. She was a late developer and now is totally on a par with others her age. 4 is far too young to worry about your child’s behaviour. Also, lots of kids and adults don’t have “best” friends, just friends.

TokenGinger · 16/11/2021 23:11

My son is only 2.5 but every statement you've made is also true about my son, and it feels completely normal.