AIBU to introduce you to Ms. Label Checker

[HappyDays40]

Imagine a busy school playground if you will. It is pissing with rain in the North West of England, just a normal day. Mrs. Last Minute (this is me) has turned her five year old out of the car seconds before we are classed as late and the young ones play in the playground just before Mrs. Perfect Teacher lets them into the school. The parents stand talking waiting for the door to open meaning they can escape and Ms. Label Checker is waiting with her jumper -less of offspring who is pointing his finger at individual children. Upon extension of the finger, Ms. Label Checker pounce s at one of the young prey picking the littlest off first. Within a second she has applied the glasses and is peeling back the neck of the jumper that the young prey is still wearing.
Ahmed squirms weakly under vice like grip of her Salomon as she casts him aside screeching "no not you". Ahmed is followed by Meghan, Reece and Saeed who are similarly cast aside.
The playground is quiet and the young ones wimper and hide behind their parents. In a label checking frenzy Ms. Label Checker reaches for a child named Hannah when one dad valiantly steps in and shouts "not my kid". This send a Spartacus style ripple through the parents who start defendiong the young ones saying " not my child" . Ms. Label Checker is stopped in her tracks, she has no one target and is becoming the prey. Realising the her time is numbered she screeches at the parents to check the labels of their jumpers because Chris has lost the six jumpers she bought at the start of term. Sara's s mum tells Ms. Label Checker that she can't just go around pulling at the kids jumpers and is she bloody nuts?
Ms. Label Checker admits defeat saying that she is sick of other kids stealing Chris's jumpers. Ahmeds auntie Charles around in her bag a produce s s spare jumper saying Chris can have it. Ms. Label Checker has some brass neck, snatches it off Ahmeds mum and rams it on Chris's head stating that is was probably Chris's anyway. Ahmed gracious mum shows M s. Label Checker a name " Ahmed Arif"it read. To which Ms. Label Checker stated " well you can all just fuck off ". And that my friends is the beginning of a story.

@Wilkolampshade

When I was a TA I could match the kids to their jumpers by smell. Used to head into the cloakroom at book bag time, find any discarded items, sniff 'em and bingo, job's a good' un..

A true hero

I've just had a flashback to primary school when my mother, fed up of my sister and I losing our plimsolls, embroidered them with our initials, in bright thread. We never lost them again.

I didn’t realise this was a thing. I’ve got 3 DC at school, one in secondary one nearly there and they have never lost a thing? Infact DC3 is still wearing jumpers and polo shirts the DC1 wore. I’m the least organised mum ever so I have no idea how we have been so lucky. Maybe they have a very distinctive smell

There will be a follow up in the series tomorrow. Mrs. Last Minute is at a large event tomorrow and she doesn't have to be there till ten so will be dropping off.
It was after school club tonight so lots of lost jumpers ripe for the picking but Master Lost Jumper does not attend. Ms. Label Checker does not like "wrap around care" you know. Tis the folly of a shit parent and appears to generate children that get skilled at swearing apparently. She should know she is a PTA member dontcha know.

😂 hilarious!
I'm actually scared of Ms. Label- checker & I've never met her!

I remember doing the smell thing as a child, it must be intuitive. I could do it wi tbh Uni flatmates too!

Love this! Thankfully our school is sticking with the PE uniform on PE days rule. Saves quite a bit of time with 2 sessions. Upwards of half an hour a week apparently.

@Summerofcontent

When I worked in an infant school there was one parent who put the name label under the school logo. They never lost a jumper

I can embroider names using my sewing machine.

I do them in the same colour but a slightly different shade as the school uniform under the collar, so it's very obvious if you are looking for it but doesn't stand out when wearing. I also do the wash labels at the same time.

We've got back everything we've ever lost so far with that method

@Wilkolampshade

When I was a TA I could match the kids to their jumpers by smell. Used to head into the cloakroom at book bag time, find any discarded items, sniff 'em and bingo, job's a good' un..

I wish the TA in DC1s class could do that! Just this week we've had a musty smelling PE jumper and a uniform jumper that's apparently been washed in nothing but Stinky Rose fabric softener for the whole of its life

Children should be born with adhesive skin so hat they don't lose their clothes.

DS2 went to school in his regular shoes with his gym shoes in a bag.
He came home in Matron's plimsoles - he had lost both pairs.
Neither were ever seen again
I don't know how he ended up with no shoes on his feet for a prolonged period before the trip to Matron. A mystery to this day.

I can totally imagine this at our school!

@tallduckandhandsome

Haha, can all OPs be written in story fashion from now on? :)

This. After a shit day at the chalk face this made me chuckle

Haha I was scrolling as I was watching gbbo, but I had to pause the tv to give your story my full attention, I was hooked!

I threaten DC with the fact I will go into school and ask about whatever they have lost! Missing item turns up the next day, lol! I think they think I'm going to go in all guns blazing and embarrass them. I wouldn't, but I let them think so so they hunt frantically to find whatever they have lost...

I'm not even a mum & I was gripped! 😆

If Ms Label Checker is having a problem with white polo shirts, tell her she's welcome to try my top tip of washing a load with a yellow duster, creating a slight yellow - identifiable- hue on them all.

Love this! The only bit that is inaccurate is the idea that Mrs Label-Checker has named any of the jumpers in the first place.

If I had a pound for every time a parent has demanded I find a jumper then replied ‘no’ to the ‘does it have their name in?’ question, I would no longer be teaching!

We have a kid that refuses to take his stuff home. Unless we see the mum and have it on hand to hand it straight to her it rarely makes it home and that's only because I snuck it in his backpack while he wasn't looking. Mind boggling.

Shouldn’t be driving to school and then idling the car by the school gates.

Who is driving to school and idling the car by the gates?

Doesnt anyone sew in labels properly any more?

I do. Not a single item of uniform lost [SMUG!!].

@DeepaBeesKit

Doesnt anyone sew in labels properly any more?

I do. Not a single item of uniform lost [SMUG!!].

My kids clothes have proper labels very obviously visible in them yet we've lost a school coat, p.e. top and 4 jumpers so far this year.

@Wilkolampshade that’s an amazing skill !
Completely off topic, but do you find a lot of kids are quite stinky ?

The cutesy prose was distracting but I get the idea. From the fact that you have everyone’s (changed I would hope) names it sounds like you think there was a racial element to Mrs LC’s attitude. That makes it even worse.