To be really irritated with husband for this?

[user14943608381]

My husband is just not talking my being in pain seriously and it’s fucking driving me mad.

I’m 39 weeks pregnant and have had awful PGP since at least 20 weeks, i can’t turn over in bed, I’m so stiff when I start moving about, i need help getting up, can’t lift legs up high, you know the works. Now I can’t walk for too long as it feels like my hip bones are breaking and he just turns around and says ‘well they aren’t breaking though’, whilst obviously that’s correct, it’s so dismissive of my being in pain. The PGP too is so limiting it’s fucking shit and he keeps on doing impressions of me and it makes me want to murder him.

Now I’ve got quite bad sciatic pain that gives me random pains in my hips like they’re going to give way, i had one today and he nearly pissed himself laughing. Apparently I struck a ‘funny pose’ but it’s categorically not funny because it hurts so much.

This is a man as well that when he’s got a cold… well you’d think it’s his last days on Earth.

I get he’s trying to make light of the situation but I’ve told him approximately one million times it’s not funny and I don’t appreciate it because I’m in pain.

Would anyone else find this exceptionally annoying?

This is my second pregnancy and physically I’ve felt a LOT worse this time around, i had PGP before but it wasn’t this painful and I didn’t have a toddler to entertain. So part of me thinks because I didn’t feel like this before, he doesn’t quite believe me.

Fgs! I know at least 4 women who have ended up on crutches or in a wheelchair due to pgp. This does not always resolve after delivery either! This is a serious issue caused only by pregnancy. Does he know how much this is upsetting you? He needs to get a grip pretty quickly!

@HipsHipsHooray

Can you lift your leg just high enough to kick him in the bollocks?

See if you can, then let us know

Thanks!

Nah. That risks injury!!

Besides, that's why chairs have legs.

@Namechangetimes100

Apparently he’s ‘having a joke with me’ not making fun of me, according to Barry Chuckle there is a difference. What the halfwit doesn’t grasp though is that to be considered a joke surely all parties need to find it funny

An excellent tweet by @paulsinha last week fits the bill exactly:

"Banter is like sex. It is a two way process based on mutual understanding and respect. If you are doing it on your own, what you are is a wanker"

Have Chuckles laugh that one off

OP if you feel you need it there are pain relief medications that are safe in pregnancy. Your GP might want to get the OK from a Consultant but it isn’t ok to leave you in pain, they should also be referring you to the physio urgently.

Today is the biggest go I’ve had at him, the PGP is one thing but the sciatica on top, well it’s the fucking cherry on the cake. It just hits like pain that makes me think I’m going to collapse. Never had it with my first! I was a whisker away from chucking his clothes out the window eastenders style.

I’d stay anywhere else but unfortunately lost my dad earlier this pregnancy and M is a complete narc and my brother is Walter Mitty, friends I found were so so when my dad died so I doubt anyone would put me up for a few days.

Can’t really afford another 2 days in nursery, just hella expensive and I don’t think I can face another induction. The hospital I’m booked at don’t allow partners until active labour, so going through all that alone, based on my previous experience I was hanging around not dilating but contracting like crazy for 12 hrs, had some pethidine and was in active labour for 15 mins

I’d stay anywhere else but unfortunately lost my dad earlier this pregnancy and M is a complete narc and my brother is Walter Mitty, friends I found were so so when my dad died so I doubt anyone would put me up for a few days

Sorry OP That's really fucking shit. The least you deserve is a supportive partner, not this bellend.

Typical man. No one is allowed to be ill but him, didn’t you know?

He’s not by birth partner though

Good. And he's not any other kind of partner either, by the sounds of it. Have you told him how horrible he's being?

Today is the biggest go I’ve had at him

How did he react?

You’d have had your 3 warnings and been fired long ago at work if you were an absolute asshole about someone’s painful condition the way you are to me, and I’m supposed to be someone you care about! Every single time you make fun of me being in pain I look at you and like you less. You are killing my love for you because I cannot believe anymore that you love me while you laugh at me in pain and then call it a joke. do I look like I am laughing? I’m starting to wonder if our marriage can recover, I feel like stabbing you a dozen times with a rusty fork till I hit bone, you will be completely fine as long the bone isn’t broken, that’s what you tell me isn’t it? I will not be looking after the man you are who I live with right now when you are old, no way. Im increasingly unsure whether I can live with you for another minute to be honest.

Write that down and send him that.

@DrSbaitso

Today is the biggest go I’ve had at him

How did he react?

He said sorry and said he’s just trying to lighten my mood and says laughing is sometimes a nervous reaction because he doesn’t know how to help….

… this line of reasoning would be a lot more plausible if I hadn’t had to beg him for a leg massage because my legs are retaining water and I’ve had big old dents in my shins when I’ve crossed my legs.

(Dw it’s not pre e, BP normal and pee normal too, no headaches, just one of those shit things)

Can you hide a dose of laxatives in something for him then take the p&$$ out of him when he's been groaning in the bathroom because the world is falling out of his arse?

Go to bed with a book and stay there all day. He needs to understand that you’re struggling. He can either be sympathetic and help you limp on… or spend a few days doing everything whilst you take care of yourself.

So sorry for your loss OP. You’ve had a lot to deal with.

That’s awful behaviour. Keep a mental note of this for when he is next in pain (I am not thinking about the chilli in underpants idea upstream ... honestly)

In all seriousness, though, this is pretty awful behaviour. Can you sit him down and explain it really clearly and give him really clear instructions as to what you need from him? If he actually can’t do empathy then may be he needs clear instructions: ‘when I wince, say, ‘are you ok? Can I help? That must be horrible’’ etc. May be a list? Really basic stuff.

Also, I’m not sure what PGP is but I had a separating pelvis (PSD) if that’s similar. It was agony. Traditional acupuncture worked amazingly. I’d go in limping up the stairs and come out feeling like I could run (I didn’t - I was too huge). If you can afford it then it might be worth a shot. I had it for sciatica too once and it worked really well. I’d go traditional rather than medical though (so full trained in Chinese medicine) rather than short medical acupuncture training.

Good luck with it all.

@Namechangetimes100

In general he’ll admit he ‘struggles with empathy’ but he does get concerned about my health. I’ve been hospitalised 3 times this pregnancy with an appendicitis and was really concerned. However as soon as I was home once, baring in mind I was in agony all night (no pain relief due to pregnancy) and woken every 2 hrs for fetal monitoring and vitals, i had a nap at home for 2 hrs then he had a go at me to wake up because he was tired and needed a break.

You are right @TheseBootsWereMadeForSitting, it does est away at you and erode feelings. I’m really fucking mad at him for having a go at me about that.

Sometimes I just fucking hate men

It really gets worse, OP. He’s an absolute selfish bastard to do that to you. The ‘excuses’ he’s coming up with sound to me like slopey-shouldering and sheer manipulation.

Do you feel able to post general area where you live in case someone can volunteer to keep you company /talk to you before labour etc

@dcadmam

Do you feel able to post general area where you live in case someone can volunteer to keep you company /talk to you before labour etc

That’s really sweet, but I’d never impose. I’m west mids 😊

I ordered a serola belt online and it helped so much with my PGP. My physio recommended it.
I ended up having to go private with a physio as the wait for the NHS was so long, there weren't any spaces until 8 months after my dd was born 🤦‍♀️

@Lifetheuniverseandeverything

Speak to your midwife about the pain. Your husband needs a kick in the gonads from a large horse.

*Gavel. I have nothing better to add.

Could you try an osteopath? Mine got me moving in my pregnancy and helped a bit with the pain, she gave me exercises to do as well.

Your husband is not a nice person. Someone who laughs at his wife in pain and wakes her up after she has been in hospital because he doesnt want to look after his own child is in my opinion emotionally abusive. YANBU to be annoyed by it but you would be unreasonable not to re evaluate your relationship because of it.

@Houseofvelour

I ordered a serola belt online and it helped so much with my PGP. My physio recommended it. I ended up having to go private with a physio as the wait for the NHS was so long, there weren't any spaces until 8 months after my dd was born 🤦‍♀️

I’ll have a look online! Some days it’s not so bad, like today but yesterday it was vile!

This baby better be a good one, I’m talking super cute, mows the lawn, the whole 9 yards xx