To be really irritated with husband for this?

[user14943608381]

My husband is just not talking my being in pain seriously and it’s fucking driving me mad.

I’m 39 weeks pregnant and have had awful PGP since at least 20 weeks, i can’t turn over in bed, I’m so stiff when I start moving about, i need help getting up, can’t lift legs up high, you know the works. Now I can’t walk for too long as it feels like my hip bones are breaking and he just turns around and says ‘well they aren’t breaking though’, whilst obviously that’s correct, it’s so dismissive of my being in pain. The PGP too is so limiting it’s fucking shit and he keeps on doing impressions of me and it makes me want to murder him.

Now I’ve got quite bad sciatic pain that gives me random pains in my hips like they’re going to give way, i had one today and he nearly pissed himself laughing. Apparently I struck a ‘funny pose’ but it’s categorically not funny because it hurts so much.

This is a man as well that when he’s got a cold… well you’d think it’s his last days on Earth.

I get he’s trying to make light of the situation but I’ve told him approximately one million times it’s not funny and I don’t appreciate it because I’m in pain.

Would anyone else find this exceptionally annoying?

This is my second pregnancy and physically I’ve felt a LOT worse this time around, i had PGP before but it wasn’t this painful and I didn’t have a toddler to entertain. So part of me thinks because I didn’t feel like this before, he doesn’t quite believe me.

He sounds like a complete tosser. An insufferable 'character'. Doing impressions of you in pain is really horrible of him. I couldn't be arsed with him.

On a more practical note though, I took aspirin for IUGR and was told to stop using it at 36 weeks if that helps at all? Good luck for the rest of your pregnancy, it is so rough when you already have kids to run around after. I hope you manage to get some relief soon.

Thank you @CanofCant I got so fed up of asking I called triage, a rather pissy midwife told me you’re meant to take it to 40 weeks or whenever you give birth (as she couldn’t find any explicit instructions on my notes) it was by pure chance an OB walked passed her and pulled her up on it and corrected her, and said as you did 36 weeks and then come off it.

Apparently he’s ‘having a joke with me’ not making fun of me, according to Barry Chuckle there is a difference. What the halfwit doesn’t grasp though is that to be considered a joke surely all parties need to find it funny

Can you lift your leg just high enough to kick him in the bollocks?

See if you can, then let us know

Thanks!

Yup. The old 'it's only a joke' can also mask abuse.

So much for in sickness and in health
He doesn’t sound remotely amusing to me
Sounds like a knob

I wonder if he knows that he is poisoning your feelings for him in increments, both small and large, and that the damage is permanent?

I was in critical care at the hospital one time. I was scared, confused and in pain. My life was under threat from infection. DH was sat up the corner constantly falling asleep, moaning about how tired he was, how he got next to no sleep last night. He made me feel like I had to be quiet because he had "never been so exhausted".

It's been nearly ten years since. I have never forgotten and I occasionally look at him and hate fills my heart in that moment.

It's not the only time though. He puts his tiredness before anything wrong with me, every single time. That's just the one where I thought the bastard would be concerned enough to stay a wake but nope.

He never laughed at me though. He wouldn't have survived that unscathed.

@Tonyschoco

Stuff like this really bothers me. What an absolute cunt. How can a man not only not care that his partner is carrying his child and it is hurting her, but he actively mocks her for it. It’s so unbelievably shit.

When I was pregnant and uncomfortable, my husband did everything in his power to look after me, it seemed to prompt a protectiveness I’d not see before.
The way your partner is behaving is truly awful.

This.

You husband is actually utterly horrible. I'd be leaving him.

He's not having a joke with you because you're not laughing.

Tell him jokes are funny. Taking the piss out of your pain is not.
Tell him that a loving husband would take care of his pregnant and in pain wife, not mock her.

He's an arse! I had bad PGP in my first pregnancy and my dh drove me to my physio appointments, gave me massages and was generally sympathetic.

OP, my ex-h (notice the ex bit) was exactly like this. I had excruciating SPD with my second pregnancy and had a belt thing to keep my pelvis secure which helped a bit.

I eventually had a c section and even though I was supposed to be resting he did fuck all except take the piss out of me even when I was on my hands and knees crying in pain.

It completely killed any love or affection I had for him. We limped on for another few years but I left him and have had a better life since.

I'm sorry you're going through this shit as it is indeed shit.

YANBU. No advice in regards to husband unfortunately, but can you see a physio? I suffered similar to you in regards to severe sciatica (pregnancy related), could only manage a few steps and severe constant pain and I am forever grateful to the lovely physio’s who gave me the correct exercises, which I did every single day for over a year and even years later, if I feel my right hip twinging I do the exercises and it gets rid of the impending discomfort. The midwife can refer you or you may be able to refer yourself, or maybe the GP could refer you possibly. (I don’t know about GP referring but it may be worth a phone call).

In general he’ll admit he ‘struggles with empathy’ but he does get concerned about my health. I’ve been hospitalised 3 times this pregnancy with an appendicitis and was really concerned. However as soon as I was home once, baring in mind I was in agony all night (no pain relief due to pregnancy) and woken every 2 hrs for fetal monitoring and vitals, i had a nap at home for 2 hrs then he had a go at me to wake up because he was tired and needed a break.

You are right @TheseBootsWereMadeForSitting, it does est away at you and erode feelings. I’m really fucking mad at him for having a go at me about that.

Sometimes I just fucking hate men

@messydoodah1 the sciatica is a lovely new development but I was told by one of the CMWs that physio wasn’t really an option, by the time I’ve had an appointment I’ll have delivered and it will go away. Get on with it or get crutches i was told 🤷‍♀️

OP I've had PGP in two pregnancies and it is HELL. I am so sorry you are going through this. If you can possibly pay for it, find a private physio. They can and do work wonders. It's true that a lot of it will go away after labour but it can be tricky to manage during labour too!! And I had it come back due to breastfeeding hormones. Be careful not to walk too much, legs together, lots of long baths, when you feel well enough search PGP yoga videos on YouTube. I found they really helped.
Tell your husband to take a long walk off a short pier.

Hi Op you can be induced for this, many women are at your stage. In the good old days you could have been admitted to hospital “ for a rest”
But unfortunately those days are gone.
As for your dp I think he is really not hearing you and you might need to absolutely loose it with him big time, call him all the words that are in your head. Do it when other child is at nursery so you can really go for it.
I know it’s not very grown up but sometimes us being reasonable all the time does not work. Either that or drop something very heavy on his testicles then laugh uproarious about the funny faces he is making.
Am v cross on your behalf.

Also can you up nursery hours for a week or two ?

That doesn’t sound right at all. People are not meant to be left in pain. I did use crutches towards the end of the pregnancy but saw the physio postnatally as my sciatica did not get better at all (but yours might get better as most do. I don’t want to scare you!) (I was fit and in my 20’s, just a luck thing and possibly related to never stretching whenever I previously did any sporty type activity!)

How would you treat your husband if he was in as much pain as you? Would you be laughing at him and being unkind to him? I bet you wouldn’t

What about him makes you want to stay?

I don't think my DH really 'got' the absolute torment of PGP and possibly privately thought I was moaning rather a lot but he did not laugh at me. Your husband sounds like an insufferable prick.

I really feel for you, it's agony. It sounds like you've had a rough time of it.

Rub some chilli flakes into the inside front of his underpants. Shake out the flakes. Replace pants in drawer.

Do not say anything. NEVER admit what you did. His burning dick will be a mystery.

I had pgp and if I remember correctly your bones are technically actually breaking. The pelvis naturally has a crack down the middle and pregnancy hormones make you more flexible so the bones can move during birth. They can make you too flexible and then the pelvis moves along the crack when it shouldn’t it causes pain. Not advice but might make validate that feeling that your bones are breaking. (Disclaimer: this is what I remember from a few years ago, I’m a rando on the internet not an obstetrician).

@mbosnz

I'd say that he'd be finding it exceptionally life threatening, the idiot.

Definitely!!!

@Namechangetimes100

I'm sorry you've found yourself married to an immature twat!! Does your Mum/Granny/Aunty/Good friend live nearby?

If so I'd 'book in' for a few days of being looked after!! I've done it for friends & my best friend has done it for me (she's the best!!)

Tell Dick splash, it's hurtful, not remotely amusing and any more babies he's carrying or alternatively you're happy to arrange fir him to have a watermelon surgically inserted into his stomach and a very nasty bug at the same time as well as a bladder infection, that msy come close to being pregnant.

& tell him if he doesn't grow the fuck up & start behaving like a decent human being that actually lives you he can fuck off to his mums/mates, because you don't need his immature behaviour

Seriously! Men like this make me SO angry!

It's in no way funny. It isn't lightening the mood as he says at all.

You've told him many times it isn't funny.

What he's doing is cruel.

He needs consequences for doing it, so he'll stop.
Have you completely told him off with both barrels?

@AmandaHoldensLips

Rub some chilli flakes into the inside front of his underpants. Shake out the flakes. Replace pants in drawer.

Do not say anything. NEVER admit what you did. His burning dick will be a mystery.

OP - I had my appendix out whilst heavily pregnant and my DH did all the work with our 3 year old whilst working. He helped me to the toilet in the middle of the night and showered me, he was amazing. That's how they should be. Your DH sounds like an insufferable twat and thank god you have a doula.