Aibu to think that a lot of kids are extremely anxious after lockdown?

[MrsHookey]

I've got one child who seems extremely anxious since lockdown. Anecdotally it seems like a few kids I know are like this. Is this a wider thing? Are mumsnetters finding their children have become anxious since March 2020?

@bookworm14

Why are so many people so very invested in believing that shutting schools for months, making it illegal for kids to see their wider family and friends, and removing virtually everything else from their lives overnight has had no negative effect at all, and any issues are down to anxious parents? Are you trying to make yourselves feel better?

Because some people demanded it, yes

The whole situation is shit. There are kids who are anxious because of lockdown and disrupted education. There are already-anxious kids who were better off because of it and it gave them some much-needed peace. There are kids who are now anxious because of lack of mitigations in schools and feel, quite rightly, that they are part of some herd immunity experiment for a virus that doesn't confer immunity after infection. And there are kids whose lives will never be the same again because they have Long Covid.

Unless anyone wants to count them all and choose a singular way forward based on the majority view and ignore all the rest, the future is going to be very difficult balancing all the different effects, both positive and negative, that this pandemic has caused. Sadly MH services are woefully inadequate at dealing with any of them.

My god, the gaslighting on here.

I HAD covid mildly in March 2020 (not confirmed with an antibody test until later, but we were pretty sure as I lost my sense of taste). I therefore had no covid anxiety to pass on to my child. We didn’t tell her she was a risk to her family or friends. We didn’t go on about germs or make her wear a mask. She was not anxious about covid. But I suppose there’s no convincing some people.

My kid is angry (and I agree with pp that it’s a manifestation of anxiety) but it wasn’t about covid as an illness. I think it was more about the fact her life could be changed at any minute, things like school and friends taken away, with no particular reason (that she could see in front of her).

We know stability and predictability are important for children so it shouldn’t be a surprise that 18 months of constant chop and change has made them feel insecure.

Bookworm it’s clearly just assumptions with no basis

Annoying as it is don’t worry too much

Most people know that it’s not Covid anxiety from parents if they think a bit more

“They’re only anxious because their parents made them like that” is the new “kids are resilient, lockdowns won’t affect them, what’s everyone fussing about.”

@MrsArchchancellorRidcully

100%

Dd started high school in sept 2020 and by Easter this year was self harming 😢

We've had the school mental health team on the phone and she remains extremely anxious although the cutting has stopped.

When the govt decided to put primark before schools they made a grave mistake. I will never forget or forgive.

It's a hard one. Because schools were open, DS gave Covid to my shielding CEV DD who's now been bedbound for 18m and is also self-harming. And in case you're wondering how she can harm herself from her bed, she bites herself and pulls out her hair. We can't take her teeth away or cover her hair. It's mainly through boredom and stress in the same way that a caged animal pulls out its own fur. There's not much else to do when lying in bed every day too ill to even have the TV on. If she were a dog, she'd have been euthanised by now.

I will never forgive the government for failing to put in place even the simplest of mitigations in schools to protect vulnerable people whose lives have changed irrevocably and instead decided to use children as part of a failed herd immunity strategy.

@MarshaBradyo

Bookworm it’s clearly just assumptions with no basis

Annoying as it is don’t worry too much

Most people know that it’s not Covid anxiety from parents if they think a bit more

I know I need to ignore it. I just can’t believe the attitude hasn’t changed since I posted about DD’s anxiety in May/June 2020 and was told it was my fault.

We were lucky to qualify for a nursery keyworker place so our son was able to continue pretty much as normal throughout lockdown. We also never made a big deal about covid. We didn’t show any anxiety

Your DC probably coped better because they were in nursery and still seeing and playing with other kids. Imagine if, like mine and many others, they couldn't see another child for months on end. Perhaps recognise that fact rather than patting yourself on the back for your superior parenting

@TeaForPterosaur

“They’re only anxious because their parents made them like that” is the new “kids are resilient, lockdowns won’t affect them, what’s everyone fussing about.”

Spot on.

Bookworm it’s good you counter it as it’s so wrong footed.

They’re only anxious because their parents made them like that” is the new “kids are resilient, lockdowns won’t affect them, what’s everyone fussing about.

Seems you can do anything to children and pass the buck back to parents no problem.

I found my kids have become extremely clingy and reliant on me and OH Probably as we were the only person they saw for months.

They used to be so confident, now won't go to play dates etc. It's really sad

@TeaForPterosaur

“They’re only anxious because their parents made them like that” is the new “kids are resilient, lockdowns won’t affect them, what’s everyone fussing about.”

^this

People are too quick to dismiss the legitimate worries that children have and cannot always express

Unbelievable smuggery on this thread. One of my DC is anxious. The other is not. Both have the same parents.

People always want to blame parents rather than accept it could be their own child in distress. It is always the same be it mental health, additional needs and behavioural difficulties.

Op

This is a public health question : individual anecdotes / anecdata is not helpful in answering your question. No matter how many individual posters tell you their kids are fine / not fine, you need to look at the data at a population level - and that currently shows that the metal health of young adults and children is getting worse. Is it Down to the lockdowns ? Possibly, but the research is still being done into the full impact and the implications going forward. We don’t know what aspects of the lockdowns have driven this : isolation from friends and family ? Increased exposure to social media ? Enforce time in an abusive home situation ? Anxious parents passing on their fears ? We don’t know yet. But it’s clear that, at a population level, there has been an impact.

Mine was absolutely fine because he has ASD and is very happy not having to go to school or see other people - but at the same time (fortunately) he doesn't mind going to school. But I can imagine for anyone more social it was probably a really difficult time, add on worries about parents and or grandparents, struggles with home schooling and the lack or any real routine - not to mention potentially being stuck in a small space with no where to go - and I think it's an absolute recipe for disaster.

No. They wear masks and understand the pandemic, but it's not like we talk about it every day or anything. I felt it was my role to ensure their lives were as normal as possible. They're kids, they don't read the papers, nor do they use social media. So no stress for them.

Mine was absolutely fine because he has ASD and is very happy not having to go to school or see other people
Same. Lockdown made my son’s world much smaller and much easier to cope with day to day. No busy shops, no noisy school dinner hall, etc, He was able to stay in school as he has an EHCP and specialist support and he could cope with being there so much better than he can normally as class sizes were so reduced. Instead of going to his quiet space, he played football at break for the first time.
I would hope that the last year has made people much more sympathetic to those who do suffer from anxiety around day to day things, but sadly, after an initial feeling of ‘we’re in this together’, I’ve seen very little empathy towards those who do find things difficult.

Yes, here's a report about it: post.parliament.uk/research-briefings/post-pn-0653/

@MareofBeasttown

Unbelievable smuggery on this thread. One of my DC is anxious. The other is not. Both have the same parents.

I do feel like a lot of parents were in total denial about the impact these measures would have on children and their development

Throughout all of it, when people were literally shouting for schools to close, I tried to point out the devastating harm this would have on children but it fell on deaf ears.

I really don't think many parents realised the harms this would have. And I don't blame the parents necessarily, I blame the cultural narrative in which we live.

There were hundreds of posts/articles etc. dismissing the importance of play for children, parents saying they could play with their children and it would all be fine. Narratives that children are resilient with no understanding that to be resilient you actually have to experience some adversity and challenge - and so taking away all life experience does the opposite in building resilience (hence the increases in anxiety)

At the time, it was clear we had thrown children under the bus, and that is a sure sign to me that society is on a rocky road. Children should be sacred. And I literally mean sacred, and come before all others (do you remember the threads saying that the life of a 90 year old is as valuable as a 8 year old? That is a sure sign we have lost our way)

But you know what, people will call for schools and activities to be closed again. I can't say that we have learned a lesson.

But you know what, people will call for schools and activities to be closed again. I can't say that we have learned a lesson

That’s what happens when we have a pandemic and global politicians who do not take good enough action early on to prevent people dying.

Nor do they invest in our nhs to ensure we have the capacity to treat people when there’s a pandemic.

People didn’t want schools to close. They wanted safe mitigations for schools and this just didn’t happen.

The biggest problem actually is that now that schools are open again, there’s been no proper transition and support for children to get back to normal.

They’ve just been thrown straight back in with talk of extended days and the relentless focus on academic achievement. There’s been no creative thinking about how to address the gap. It’s like everyone is keen to forget. That is why kids are anxious - their emotional needs have been ridden over roughshod.

Throughout all of it, when people were literally shouting for schools to close, I tried to point out the devastating harm this would have on children but it fell on deaf ears.

You are so right Hamster

Worse still was the hounding off anyone who suggested it

And it’s why this thread has very sad stories that pp felt they couldn’t post before

That’s what happens when we have a pandemic and global politicians who do not take good enough action early on to prevent people dying.

It was very clear early on that children will not die from this. And that is what it means about 'throwing children under the bus'.

We are asking children to be the protectors of adults, sacrifice for adults.

If you think that is right, that is your prerogative completely, however I do not agree with it. It is adults who should be sacrificing for children. And yes that may put them 'at risk' but honestly, I don't care. You don't sacrifice children.

@workwoes123

Op

This is a public health question : individual anecdotes / anecdata is not helpful in answering your question. No matter how many individual posters tell you their kids are fine / not fine, you need to look at the data at a population level - and that currently shows that the metal health of young adults and children is getting worse. Is it Down to the lockdowns ? Possibly, but the research is still being done into the full impact and the implications going forward. We don’t know what aspects of the lockdowns have driven this : isolation from friends and family ? Increased exposure to social media ? Enforce time in an abusive home situation ? Anxious parents passing on their fears ? We don’t know yet. But it’s clear that, at a population level, there has been an impact.

The reports are beginning to emerge of the harm done to kids. I’ve got a few saved on my laptop downstairs (I was considering it as a dissertation topic at one point) from various sources - the decline in language skills from kids entering school post-lockdown, the report on the difficulties and impact accessing speech and language therapy during the lockdowns, and I’ve got some other ones there too that I forget about (in the end I got a chance to do something else for dissertation). It’s going to take a while for the evidence base to emerge but the damage is beginning to become evident.

The dismissing it as anxious parents on here is bullshit though- those speaking up were the ones being ostracised and attacked constantly to the point of being largely hounded off many parts of the site for trying to push back against the collective societal anxiety and pointing out what harm it was doing to our kids. It’s only because we kept things in perspective and managed our kids’ exposure to the lunacy that we did manage to get a very distressed DD2 back on track and replace the sad in her brain with “pink and purple ballerinas” (latest report from inside dd2’s head). That took a lot of work on my part, and I’m experiencing the toll taken on my own mental health now as a result - but we did lots of giggling privately at inconsistencies and absurdities, lots of wondering how Horrible Histories is going to view the year we all went batshit for bog roll and lots of carefully explaining the accurate science rather than hysteria. No one else was going to help DD2, and you can’t just put kids in a box for 18 months and ignore their needs and expect them to be ok.