Aibu to think that a lot of kids are extremely anxious after lockdown?

[MrsHookey]

I've got one child who seems extremely anxious since lockdown. Anecdotally it seems like a few kids I know are like this. Is this a wider thing? Are mumsnetters finding their children have become anxious since March 2020?

Posters whose dc haven't been badly affected by lockdowns are not being contrary, mean or unfeeling. They are just saying how it was for them.

There’s a bit of a difference between “My kids were fine” and “My kids were fine because I was sensible and didn’t scare them about covid/didn’t tell them their lives were going to be ruined.”

Perhaps work on your own reading comprehension a tad before condescending to other people?

Yes.. so much. My daughter is having such issues wot sleeping anywhere that isn’t home or her grandparents. She rings to get picked up from sleepovers (she asks to go to) and is having a real meltdown over going on her school residential in June next year. She can’t cope with not being near home. She didn’t even want to go on holiday this summer because she would be far away from home. She’s ok(ish) going out for the day if it’s less than an hour away from home.. but wouldn’t want to go further away .

And we are the least COVID scared household. We talked about it lots together (it’s just her and I) and how to keep safe and she’s been really happy with that. COVID doesn’t scare her at all.

Many people who posted during Lockdowns, were insistent that the children would be fine, it was totally necessary and all children are resilient. This made no sense to me. How could staying at home not impact the children?

The only rules I bent were the ridiculous ones. I brought my kids to beaches/parks/playgrounds wherever I could, even if the police stopped us constantly to question how far from our house we were. I brought them to supermarkets too, as I was hyper aware that not being exposed to germs for such a prolonged period could be detrimental to their health. This has been proven, with many children now suffering from horrendous colds/viruses/RSV/bugs and being hospitalised due to their reduced immunity.

Staying at home for such a prolonged period was not normal and schools should never have been shut. It's clear from this thread how much children have suffered.

Yes. My 9yo suffers dreadfully. Nothing of the sort pre first lock down and now constant mental health issues all somehow related to illness. She's just recently started therapy through CAMHS. My other dcs? you wouldn't know there had been a world wide pandemic or any lock downs at all. I know of 2 other children who've had mental health issues emerge following the first lock down.

I’m a school counsellor and most of my waiting lists were already full this year by mid-October. I’ve found parents and teachers did an amazing job over lockdown in supporting children but many are now struggling with the return to school. In particular children with ASD who already struggled are now completely overwhelmed by the school environment. We’ve seen a rise in separation anxiety, parent break ups, grief and OCD type behaviours.

@noblegiraffe this is a great idea to write to MPs and require more funding for CAMHS.

My ds is so anxious that he has become doubly incontinent and can only say a few sentences. This evening he was so terrified that he put his hands round my throat whilst I was trying to calm him down with a cuddle. We are seeing camhs but have been told that because he can't talk he can't access any therepy. He was a very calm child before the covid lockdowns and was never agressive.

My dd suffered so much. We got a camhs referral and it was online. Did not work for her at all.

Now paying nearly £200 a month to go private.

I didn't scare her with covid tales. I tried to talk her down many times.

Covid happened when she was transitioning from primary to high school.

She has struggled to make any meaningful friendships, her grandma and my mums husband both were diagnosed with cancer over lockdown, it's been tough.

My other two kids are totally fine and my DS doesn't have anxiety about covid, it is anxiety due to having to live under the restrictions for so long and the uncertainty of it all.

More anxious here. My ds has struggled and seems to be finding simple things difficult. Today he had a panic attack on the way to school and came home.
It’s a bit shit really.

It's so sad. DD at uni was very badly affected but is much happier now. DS was fine but very worried about bringing covid in (I'm CEV.) He's more chilled now. My poor friend's son has developed crippling OCD and anxiety. I know a few more like this and CAHMS has just collapsed leaving so many vulnerable children, if the government could even spend a fraction of what they gave their mates for test and trace on mental health services it would make all the difference. I agreed with lockdowns, but that doesn't mean I didn't see the havoc that was caused. I guess I just see it as a whole package - the virus, the lockdowns, anti vaxxers outside schools etc, everything contributes in lots of ways.

Saying that I know some children who thrived including a child I know who had severe mental health issues before covid. She got so much better during lockdown and is happier now, so it's not all bad.

I’ll add, he doesn’t feel safe at school. Doesn’t trust the teachers and finds secondary school scary (Y7). It breaks my heart as most days I have to force him in.

Covid is alive and kicking at his school which doesn’t help. I hate this government for failing to put mitigations in place.

DS(6) was affected emotionally by both lockdowns. Five months stuck at home in total isolation (only child) across Reception/Year 1 has left its mark.

His school has been fantastic in supporting him and others. He now does the ELSA programme through school and we have noticed a difference already after a month.

A TA I know said this year’s Reception pupils at her school are largely affected with their social skills, ability to listen and sit still etc greatly reduced compared to average. Another TA who works in a college said this year’s intake have emotional maturity issues more often seen in younger teens. No idea if these comments are relevant or correct.

I think it depends on their age, the younger DC bounce back, it has undoubtedly had an impact on older DC and teenagers.

My DD is terrified of catching covid in school which doesn't help her already chronic anxiety.
Her TA is out 7 weeks ill with covid she is fully vaccinated in her 40's.

I may be shot for saying this, but anecdotally when it comes to younger DCs the anxious ones also have quite Covid-anxious parents

^

Nope - not at all anxious. Been out volunteering at foodbanks and vaccine centres through out the pandemic meeting up to 1000 people a day; using the tube to get there etc etc. Nothing to do with my anxiety and all to do with the stress of what would happen academically and when and if schools would reopen. Frankly I hold Chris Whitty partly culpable for the MH crisis amongst our children as there was no need for the first lock down to keep children out of schools as long as it did. It was heartbreaking to watch my teens and others hope that school would be back at a number of dates and then it wasn't. Towards the end of the first lockdown he was only looking at the impact of CV19 and was totally blinkered to a lot of other issues

My 9 yo struggled a lot with anxiety when going back to school after both lockdowns. Luckily she's been fine since going back in September.

And tbh I haven't really been anxious about Covid. We had it in April 2020 so didn't worry about it in terms of us catching it after that.

I know a few who are very anxious and my own observation is that they are the ones with anxious parents. I don’t mean that as a criticism, it makes sense. As a dc if your mum or dad is anxious you’ll pick up on that. My dc have pretty much breezed through (youngest 2 have suffered academically) but they are chilled dc and dh and I work in roles that means we’re very informed re the pandemic. Initially I did hide details from them (when we were planning how to create additional mortuary space etc) but now I’m able to provide informed updates and reassurance even if I do say I don’t know but for now this is what we feel comfortable doing and other families will be either more or less cautious and that’s fine. We also made 3 dc so that helped in lockdown - Dd1 is happy in her own company and it meant she could play with younger siblings and actually delay the rush to grow up from peer pressure. As a result she entered year 8 much happier in herself and far more confident. Now in year 9 she’s amazing. Dtds are obviously the same age as each other so every day is a play date. I was thankful for having twins (except when home schooling - there’s a reason they are in separate classes)!

I think it’s important to teach that being anxious is okay and sometimes important as being over confident leads to more Trump types. Learning to not allow it to stop you doing things you want to do is the important lesson.

I know a few who are very anxious and my own observation is that they are the ones with anxious parents

Or, as multiple people have pointed out, it’s an entirely understandable reaction to having their lives upended. I was not anxious about covid (I’d already had it by March 2020, later confirmed with an antibody test). My daughter was not picking up on any covid anxiety from me. She was reacting to the situation she found herself in.

In Jan/ Feb, I broke the law to take DS1 and pick up his friend to take them for a run around in the miserable swampy park.
Adults could exercise with one other person. U5s were exempted. It was not legal for a pair of children roughly 5-11 ish that still required supervision to meet a peer to play/ exercise with.

I also broke the rules on T3 guidelines to invite friend round into the house for DS1's birthday. They'd been at school together the previous day. I wasn't having his birthday and Christmas completely shat upon in the same week. Poor DS2 had already had an utterly minimal birthday at the start of lockdown when even Amazon deliveries had a 6wk delay for non-essential goods (fortunately I went shopping on 16th March so he did have presents before the world stopped)

The rules and laws utterly disregarded the social, educational and developmental needs of children. Support services have often been non-existent.

Why were playgrounds only opened on the same day as pubs after an outcry? Why were they shut for over 3 months??? It became clear far earlier than that that sunlight and touchpoints made them low risk. Even then many playgrounds didn't open promptly and took further months to open. I cried with happiness and relief as I happened to pass the council worker cutting the chains off our local playground on the morning of 4th July.

I did everything I reasonably could to protect my children from the toll of lockdown including breaking the law. I have never been anxious about Covid, only the potential catalogue of damage caused by the measures and done my best to minimise what I could for my children.

Different people have different circumstances. I was in a better position than many. Parents can't unilaterally meet all their children's needs, and so many children have suffered because society looked the other way and said they'd be fine because children are resilient.

@TeaForPterosaur

Well, this thread is doing a wonderful job of reminding me why I haven’t discussed my DD’s issues on here. Plenty of support and expertise I’m sure - but too many people with an “well MY kids were fine, so if yours weren’t it’s probably your own fault.”

Yes I find that a bit sickening too.

Yes. DH is a teacher (11-18 year old) and he’s really worried about a lot of his students, especially the 14-16 year old classes. He feels they are a lot more anxious, harder to communicate with. He’s quite an engaging teacher and usually manages to get a good amount of interaction with them but he’s finding it really hard to reach a lot of them. They are withdrawn, reluctant to engage, hiding inside their hoodies.

I work in the same school (admin) and we’ve had several students coming / brought in this week alone: self-harming / compulsive behaviour in the classroom, in tears trying to make an rdv with a doctor for physiological support. And gender issues, so many gender issues.

My friend’s DD best friend (14) took an overdose of paracetamol two nights ago and is now in a secure unit. No one saw it coming, as far as we know, not even her friends.

I see a wide spectrum of reactions to COVID as I’m a parent of a primary aged child and a Head of Year in a secondary school. The impact has been huge. My own child was happy and confident before lockdown, then we lost my mum to cancer in early March 2020 and it went downhill from there as we spiralled into lockdown. Now 18 months later he refuses to sleep on his own, and is very anxious. He luckily loves his school and was able to attend key workers as both myself and DH qualified and his health anxiety is receding but it’s been hard going. At school the impact is massive. I reckon I could fill an entire working week with just pastoral support, but I teach a 60% timetable as well as covering for absent colleagues (who have COVID!). I am stretched so thin at the moment and every day I feel that I am failing the children in my care as I can’t do more.