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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Aibu to think that a lot of kids are extremely anxious after lockdown?

507 replies

MrsHookey · 15/11/2021 22:02

I've got one child who seems extremely anxious since lockdown. Anecdotally it seems like a few kids I know are like this. Is this a wider thing? Are mumsnetters finding their children have become anxious since March 2020?

OP posts:
hollielouise66 · 17/11/2021 16:23

@MillicentMargaretAmanda

Yes, I volunteer with teenage girls and pretty much every single one now has anxiety issues which are limiting them in participating. It's very sad.
@MillicentMargaretAmanda what volunteering do you do? That sounds amazing..it must be so rewarding...
hamstersarse · 17/11/2021 16:35

@noblegiraffe

Schools closed from January to March because they couldn’t justifiably be kept open due to the rampant covid in them which was leaking into the community and contributing to spiralling death rates.

Everyone on this thread is absolutely clear that closing schools has had a devastating impact on children.

And yet you still assert that the idea that mitigation measures in schools (including masks) which would have lessened the spread in schools and possibly kept them open instead of closed was a bad one?

Complete failure of logic there. Lack of mitigation measures closed schools. Closed schools was worse for kids than mitigation measures in open schools.

Arguing for no mitigation measures in schools was stupid and wrong and led to school closures, to the utter detriment of the children that you claim I don’t care about.

The people who wanted no mitigation measures in schools got their way and closed schools. Well done you.

I am actually staggered that you have the audacity to come on this thread in the first place and then say things like this... "Everyone on this thread is absolutely clear that closing schools has had a devastating impact on children". It's a pretty unbelievable statement given you dismissed ALL of that while cheering on for the schools to close. To protect yourself. Well done you.

If you put children first and had some actual understanding of child development and wellbeing, you would not agree with closing the schools and stopping all their enrichment activities at critical, non-recoverable periods in their lives.

SkaterGrrrrl · 17/11/2021 16:38

Yes. My 11 yr old had terrible insomnia from January until June of this year and could only fall asleep if one of us sat with her.

TheKeatingFive · 17/11/2021 16:38

So you could have done

Where's that info from?

But my understanding of the rules of lockdown 1 anyway

TheKeatingFive · 17/11/2021 16:40

Not my understanding

SineOfTheTimes · 17/11/2021 17:03

It wasn't a choice between 'lockdown and remote learning' and 'normal school'.

During the 2-3 weeks before lockdown, absences among both pupils and staff were high. Some were ill enough to miss a week or more at a time. The pupils were incredibly keyed up and very worried about themselves, their parents, and the school staff.

If we'd continued without a lockdown, the weeks to the Easter holidays would have been utterly chaotic, and little learning would have been done. Pupils would have been turning up to classes missing a third to a half of their classmates, or more, with many lessons supervised by teachers covering outside their subject. As the number of teachers off sick increased, schools would have had to consider shutting year groups, because there were not enough adults in school to supervise the children. There would have been short-notice closures, with senior staff having to make the call on the morning, depending on who was well enough to come to school.

As this continued, learning would have become more and more fragmented and disrupted, with pupils coming back to school with ever-increasing gaps. In lessons, some children would have been floundering because of work missed, others bored because attempts were being made to go over work for those who'd missed it. And many lessons would still be being supervised rather than taught (no supply teachers available), with short-notice cancellations continuing.

If we hadn't stopped at this point, more adults would have caught it. At that point, lots of people were dying - around 4% if I remember correctly - lower amongst younger adults, higher amongst older adults. We've quite a few older staff, and some clinically vulnerable, and our parents skew older. So let's say we lost 2% of our staff (6 people), 1% of our parents (20 parents) and 0.1% of our children (1 pupil).

How would this scenario have been better for the children's mental health and well-being?

MillicentMargaretAmanda · 17/11/2021 17:18

@hollielouise66 I'm a Ranger Guide leader, the next section above Guides, so they are 14-18. They are amazing young women but the rise in levels of anxiety and stress over the course of 10 years, but markedly the last two, is sad to see. We do what little we can to help them and help them gently push their boundaries, but it's not enough, and they now self limit more than ever before which means they miss out on opportunities that I know they would love and have done in the past.

Runaway1 · 17/11/2021 17:18

Yes, my dd really struggled with anxiety around going into clubs for a few months afterwards.

The second divisive lockdown was really damaging for friendships in my experience, with very close groups formed among the (over 50%) of kids allowed into school. Great for them, not so much for some of the others! And the zoom assembly on the importance of friendship we watched at home while we could see all the kids in school? That was a real low point.

Oftenithinkaboutit · 17/11/2021 17:24

You were ALWAYS able to meet one other person outside and you were able to bring children under school age
So I can’t understand the one year old who was highly anxious and terrified of children because He had never got together woth any other child

* You can meet one other person from another household in an outdoor public place - those places include parks, beaches, the countryside, public gardens and playgrounds, but not private gardens. Children under school age, as well as those who need round-the-clock-care, do not count towards the total..*

TeaForPterosaur · 17/11/2021 17:27

You were ALWAYS able to meet one other person outside and you were able to bring children under school age

No. No you were not. Not in lockdown one. The guidance you’re quoting is from the last lockdown (you’ll notice it mentions meeting in playgrounds, which were closed in lockdown 1).

You would also have noticed, if you’d read the post of mine that you ‘don’t understand’, that we were back out at playgrounds with other children as soon as we could be, and it didn’t help my anxious child.

Again, perhaps giving it a bit of a think before wading in on a clearly sensitive discussion you don’t understand very well might be a good idea?

Oftenithinkaboutit · 17/11/2021 17:29

@bookworm14

How old was your child?

noblegiraffe · 17/11/2021 17:29

It's a pretty unbelievable statement given you dismissed ALL of that while cheering on for the schools to close. To protect yourself.

Is there actually something wrong with your reading comprehension skills?

When schools closed I had to homeschool two children while preparing work for and teaching remote lessons to my own classes and was making weekly phone calls to my tutor group and counselling them through the utterly shattering mess that was abruptly cancelled exams and a total lack of guidance about their future. It was fucking awful.

The claim that that’s what I wanted to happen despite all my posts clearly laying out what I actually wanted to happen (schools made safer to keep them open) is the most mind-bogglingly idiotic claim I’ve seen in a while.

TomelettewithGreggs · 17/11/2021 17:33

Silly me thinking this thread might be supportive of parents instead of telling other parents what they should and should not have done, while looking down from Mount Smug.

Oftenithinkaboutit · 17/11/2021 17:35

@TomelettewithGreggs

Silly me thinking this thread might be supportive of parents instead of telling other parents what they should and should not have done, while looking down from Mount Smug.
The op posted in AIBU And asked a question re whether anxiety amongst children was widespread

No mention of support
And AIBU - not exactly a beacon for those looking for support

MargaretThursday · 17/11/2021 17:38

If we'd continued without a lockdown, the weeks to the Easter holidays would have been utterly chaotic, and little learning would have been done. Pupils would have been turning up to classes missing a third to a half of their classmates, or more, with many lessons supervised by teachers covering outside their subject. As the number of teachers off sick increased, schools would have had to consider shutting year groups, because there were not enough adults in school to supervise the children. There would have been short-notice closures, with senior staff having to make the call on the morning, depending on who was well enough to come to school.

As this continued, learning would have become more and more fragmented and disrupted, with pupils coming back to school with ever-increasing gaps. In lessons, some children would have been floundering because of work missed, others bored because attempts were being made to go over work for those who'd missed it. And many lessons would still be being supervised rather than taught (no supply teachers available), with short-notice cancellations continuing.

This:
Ds' year had a fortnight last November when they had children going out, teachers ill. That was very disruptive and stressful for the children. Teachers were trying to teach online and f-2-f and neither was getting full concentration, which is totally understandable.
When the year group closed and it all went on-line learning it was much better both for their mental health and academic learning.

And when they went back after a fortnight off, despite the delta variant being pretty rife in the area, their school then managed to continue at fairly close to normality. The other local school that decided they'd try and keep open just continued with the half and half for that extra fortnight and then had to close the whole school.

TomelettewithGreggs · 17/11/2021 17:38

True. Must remember never to post here. Or if I do, it must be to pat myself on the back for my excellent parenting. A simple "My DC are fine" is good enough. There seems to be little reason to say "My DC are fine and yours aren't because I did A and B and C so nyah".

CoastalWave · 17/11/2021 17:38

Yes both of mine.

Daughter is now angry, lacking confidence, anxious, worried about everything and anything and doesn't want to leave the house as it's 'not safe'

Son has major anger outbursts and cries a lot. Won't go to bed without me and now co-sleeps.

Both primary aged.

Oftenithinkaboutit · 17/11/2021 17:42

@TomelettewithGreggs

True. Must remember never to post here. Or if I do, it must be to pat myself on the back for my excellent parenting. A simple "My DC are fine" is good enough. There seems to be little reason to say "My DC are fine and yours aren't because I did A and B and C so nyah".
Some people were whipped in to a frenzy and that would have undoubtedly caused severe anxiety for some children

Surely you can agree with that. No personal attack but anyone who was on mumsnet over lockdown would have seen some of the threads (mothers not getting out of bed; asking what the point of going on; not sleeping etc. Some people were utterly fraught with intense anxiety. And they had children. Not irrational to suppose that SOME children were very negatively impacted by that)

StolenAwayOn55thand3rd · 17/11/2021 17:46

Good post @SineOfTheTimes. I remember a teacher friend saying that the winter lockdown was actually much less anxiety inducing in her (teen) pupils than the preceding months had been. At least they knew where they stood.

Also, whoever said that children don’t spread covid… that may have been true pre delta but it is certainly not true now.

FuzzyPenguin · 17/11/2021 18:03

On the surface DS7 has come out unscathed, academically he is actually now ahead and he has slotted back into school fine, however there are small things which I think show how he has been impacted. He very much likes plans and to know what is happening get very upset when things change suddenly and after a play date he cries when his friends go home and he is scared he won’t see them again. Also he is rather obsessed with hand washing.

He is an only child and had his birthday party cancelled when first lockdown hit and when bubbles where going on he was cut off from his best friends for months. He doesn’t trust that Covid won’t stop things again and this hasn’t been helped that this weekend we all caught it and it’s stopped him from a party he has been looking forward too.

Volhhg · 17/11/2021 18:13

Even when you could meet up with one other person from outside your household it essentially meant children couldn't because a child generally can't go out without an adult. Don't know any kids under 9 that can go out by themselves round here

Oftenithinkaboutit · 17/11/2021 18:25

@Volhhg

Even when you could meet up with one other person from outside your household it essentially meant children couldn't because a child generally can't go out without an adult. Don't know any kids under 9 that can go out by themselves round here
I used to go out for a walk with a friend.

I had nothing to do with her son.
She had nothing to do with mine.
They played football together whilst we walked around park.

Fond memories!

Changer123 · 17/11/2021 18:25

All of my DC now have anxiety issues, during the second lockdown I actually found a suicide note written by my DD 14, in it she said she just couldn't face life anymore and that there was no point in anything.
DD10 has ASD and regressed to a shell even tho there was some provision for her in school as a vulnerable child.
DD5 has extreme anxiety even now, wont sleep alone, finds school very difficult and doesnt interact much with the adults, partly due to her reception teacher & TA wearing masks and shields for the whole year.
DD3 was scared of other children until she started nursery recently and its been such a relief to see her behaving normally with other children.
Children arent resilient, they are like sponges and all of the fear and anxiety that's been projected in the last 18 months will have changed them all forever. I pray we never make the mistake of lockdowns again

bookworm14 · 17/11/2021 18:36

He very much likes plans and to know what is happening get very upset when things change suddenly and after a play date he cries when his friends go home and he is scared he won’t see them again.

This is just like my DD. We have to endlessly go over plans and explain which things are happening on what days and in which order. It makes sense really - when your entire life is taken away overnight you can’t really trust that it won’t happen again.

Volhhg · 17/11/2021 18:41

Oftenithinkaboutit

I often tried to suggest such things but my kids friends parents were so wrapped up in the fear for one reason or other, I was turned down. Also not useful for 5 year olds that don't happily play football ball together. I wish it had been so