AIBU to expect DH to be discreet about his bodily functions when we stay with friends?

[Feduptotheteeth]

Yes I toot in bed, so does DH, but when he’s in the bathroom at home or when we are staying away, he totally lets rip, adding in accompanying grunts to emphasize how much effort he is putting in. Everyone hears him. It’s unavoidable. Friends, felllow guests and family all comment, not always with a laugh. AIBU to expect him to exert a little discretion (no euphemism intended)?

@BigYellowHat

It’s gross but really, who cares? Get new mates if they’re that bothered 🤷‍♀️

Or a new husband who has a little bit of respect for other people?

That's so gross YANBU

Imagine if men like this had periods

You said in your Op when he’s in the bathroom, farting and noises in the bathroom are fine, no? That’s what it’s for.
Bit different to if he’s doing it purposefully in the friends lounge or round the dinner table, say.

My response to this hugely depends on whether or not he has IBS/lactose intolerance/crohns disease. If he has any of the above then I think you are being V V V U. They can be hugely embarrassing and painful illnesses to have to deal with and make staying in other peoples homes extremely difficult.

If he doesn’t have any of the above…get him
To talk to his doctor because something is seriously wrong with his guts

Is he 10! Honestly this is just so gross. How is he not embarrassed for.

He really ought to speak to his GP to rule out any medical issues. Performance shitting is so disrespectful.

I honestly don't know how you married him.

I just couldn't get beyond being so uncouth.

Grim and mortifying, because you can be absolutely positive everyone is asking what are you doing with such a pig.

WTF? Do you mean farting or grunting and straining? That is fucking revolting, is he chronically constipated?

Just to be clear, yes, this only happens when he’s in the bathroom but it’s SO LOUD, it can be heard throughout the flat/house we are in. No attempts to muffle the noise at all. He claims only women do that and further blames it on his diverticulitis. Is that really an acceptable excuse?

He can't avoid the noises from his arse but there is absolutely no need for ridiculous grunting etc. I would tell him he's not coming with me if he can't have a bit of decorum while in other peoples homes.

Grim and mortifying, because you can be absolutely positive everyone is asking what are you doing with such a pig

Pigs are lovely, intelligent creatures though, though a bit muddy, admittedly @billy1966, I always think I must think of an alternative animal comparison ☺️

He claims only women do that this is a bizarre excuse

@Feduptotheteeth

Just to be clear, yes, this only happens when he’s in the bathroom but it’s SO LOUD, it can be heard throughout the flat/house we are in. No attempts to muffle the noise at all. He claims only women do that and further blames it on his diverticulitis. Is that really an acceptable excuse?

Does he believe it's only women who aren't disgusting pigs?

Ooo, hard one. It would be incredibly rude to do it in front of people - at least doing it during toilet breaks is slightly more polite. Is his diverticulitis really bad? It can cause really excessive gas, which can be super painful to hold (a friend of mine has it). So it depends whether that's an excuse, or a genuine reason!

Bet he doesn’t do big performance grunting at work.

He does it because he doesn’t care if you or your friends/family think it’s gross.

Omfg. So cringe why I would he do this? He needs to at least attempt discretion.

Jesus Christ the things women put up with on this site baffles me on the reg.

My mother is very loud in the bathroom, she has a bowel problem and it rules her life to the point she's stopped going to friends and family or even out and about in general because she's embarrassed if she needs the bathroom and yes, sometimes there's an odd grunt but she's really really not doing it in purpose.

It's upsetting to her and her friends and family because she's no longer the happy social woman she used to be and is just constantly on edge in case she shits herself or needs the bathroom when someone is there or she's visiting someone. She's worried they'll slag her off behind her back and going from the comments here, they probably will. She's left the bathroom upset from trying to muffle it and causing herself more pain and discomfort by trying to hold it in or let it out in small amounts, I'd prefer she let it out in one big blast and then come back to chat with her family without worrying about it.

I can understand why people are saying it's gross and disgusting but if he has bowel problem and he's going to the bathroom, is there a chance it's not deliberate and he can't actually help it?

@BillDates my grandma had a similar problem later in life and it was embarrassing and did affect her.

If your DH has diverticulitis, then surely to some extent it can't all be helped. I mean, it's a horrible intestinal disorder that can cause pain and trapped wind, so it probably does all sound worse than someone that doesn't have it.

Knowing about the Diverticulitis in the OP would have been helpful. Bit of a drip feed there. In which case is there any medication that he could have for the flatulence?

Diverticulitis highly pertinent here. Should have been in your OP.

@Feduptotheteeth

Just to be clear, yes, this only happens when he’s in the bathroom but it’s SO LOUD, it can be heard throughout the flat/house we are in. No attempts to muffle the noise at all. He claims only women do that and further blames it on his diverticulitis. Is that really an acceptable excuse?

No. My DH has this and he never makes any noise in the loo. Also, the symptoms come and go. He's not like it all the time. Definitely not an excuse.

To be clear, I'm talking about the grunting etc. Not the wind noises

Is he Frank Hovis?

@BillDates

My mother is very loud in the bathroom, she has a bowel problem and it rules her life to the point she's stopped going to friends and family or even out and about in general because she's embarrassed if she needs the bathroom and yes, sometimes there's an odd grunt but she's really really not doing it in purpose.

It's upsetting to her and her friends and family because she's no longer the happy social woman she used to be and is just constantly on edge in case she shits herself or needs the bathroom when someone is there or she's visiting someone. She's worried they'll slag her off behind her back and going from the comments here, they probably will. She's left the bathroom upset from trying to muffle it and causing herself more pain and discomfort by trying to hold it in or let it out in small amounts, I'd prefer she let it out in one big blast and then come back to chat with her family without worrying about it.

I can understand why people are saying it's gross and disgusting but if he has bowel problem and he's going to the bathroom, is there a chance it's not deliberate and he can't actually help it?

This.

Diverticulitis is horrible. Bit of a drip feed.

Diverticulitis is horrid. I suggests he visits his GP for some more effective treatments maybe?

Failing that, stick a cork up his bum.