Mum telling people about my pregnancy

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I found out I was pregnant some months ago and I decided I wanted to keep this pregnancy quiet from friends and family for as long as possible (different to what I did with my first pregnancy.) I said to DP I'll probably tell my family when I'm around 20 weeks and we've found out the gender. I also had a really bad birthing experience first time round so I wanted my initial appointments with the Midwife, Consultant and in my case, an Anaesthetist so when I told people the news, I could also tell them the plan for the birth to avoid any worrying.

Anyway, one day I was with my mum and decided to tell her but told her not to tell anyone else. I thought she should know a couple months earlier before everyone else. Since I've told her she's told my grandma (apparently she thought that I said it was okay to tell her, I certainly did not,) she's told a good friend of hers (who I've only met twice and wouldn't even recognise her on the street,) this friend then went on to tell my auntie as it apparently 'slipped out' and now my mum has told her best friend.
So four people now know something incredibly personal about me and my mum's taken away the opportunity for me to tell my grandma, my auntie and my mum's best friend (not bothered about her other friend.)

This seems to be a constant issue in my mum and I's already rocky relationship. If I tell anything to my mum it's like she has to go and repeat it so someone, especially her best friend. She says her best friend is her support system, they speak everyday and that's why she always tells her things, regardless of whether I want that information to be shared or not. Now that's all good and well that my mum has a support system but why does she need to share my business with someone when I've explicitly asked her not too? It's as if my request for her to keep it to herself doesn't matter, as long as she has someone to talk about these things with.

I find it so infuriating especially as I'm trying to maintain a relationship with my mum for my DD's sake.
Sorry for the long post but I just wanted to rant, my mum has been doing things like this since I was a teenager but I thought my wishes would be more respected seeing as I'm an adult now. Clearly not.

What are other people's views on this?
AIBU to be annoyed or is she being U in not trying to respect my wishes. As I said we've had a rocky relationship for years so my feelings tend to be biased due to the past

I'm surprised by the people saying you're BU. I think it's entirely up to you, and if she can't keep a secret then obviously you won't confide in her again in the future. I would be really frustrated in your position, and I wouldn't tell her if there's a next time. I certainly wouldn't tell her when you go into labour etc. It's your pregnancy and you have every right to keep it quiet for as long as you like. I'm trying to keep mine on the down low because it's not going to do my career any favours, and because I'm scared of something going wrong, so I really sympathise.

Since your mum has a history of being a blabbermouth, next time tell her just before you tell your granny even if it's just an hour before. You were unrealistic to expect someone who usually blabs to not blab. Sorry and congratulations

YANBU. My mother has done this to me (revealed baby #2's gender and pregnancy #3 to all the family when explicitly told not to) and I now refuse to tell her anything I wouldn't be willing to shout out over a loudspeaker from a double decker bus driving down the High Street.

@Greymalkin12

My sympathies. I told my parents at eight weeks or so and I explicitly told her not to tell anyone. My mum agreed saying a few times that it was my news to tell and that she wouldn't say anything, and then she immediately rang up my sister (and later denied she had). I'm afraid four years on I'm still a bit irritated by that.

I just don't understand people😂 Maybe keeping someone's pregnancy on the down low (especially your child's) is harder to do than I would have thought!

@Treecreature

Your mum has no respect for you, that's why she doesnt listen. My parents are similar, so I don't tell them jack.

This is exactly what I think tbh. We had a conversation on the day that she admitted that she told her best friend and she was saying because I'm her child, my business is her business to discuss with her friends (?) There's always been this sort of 'I'm your mum, you're my child so I can say and do whatever I want and you can't tell me anything' thing in place with my mum. I think it's more about power but that's a whole other thread!

Definitely agree that there's no respect for both me and my wishes!

As for the people saying I'm being U for expecting someone to keep a pregnancy quiet past a specific date. Who are you to put a date in place for when it's okay for people to be expected to keep things quiet?😂

It's my body and people should try really hard to respect any requests, not mention it to people just because they have no self control. I also didn't just tell my mum for the sake of it but because I she was discussing how traumatised she still is and I thought it may help her to deal with her anxiety if I gave her a heads up of the current pregnancy.

Anyway after all of this I think we'll definitely be keeping the sex of the baby a secret😂 everyone can just find out when the baby's born. My mum's ruined it for the lot of em!

I don't think it's that weird that your mum told her friend or that her reason for doing so is that she needed support.
Her being worried about your previous birth and how she feels about this is surely valid, given that you are her daughter? It doesn't make your concerns about the birth less valid.

I do also think that once you tell someone a secret, it's no longer a secret, regardless of who you tell. The only way to keep something a secret is to not tell anyone...

This is exactly what I think tbh. We had a conversation on the day that she admitted that she told her best friend and she was saying because I'm her child, my business is her business to discuss with her friends (?)
There's always been this sort of 'I'm your mum, you're my child so I can say and do whatever I want and you can't tell me anything' thing in place with my mum. I think it's more about power but that's a whole other thread!

Yea. That comment would have sealed it that I wouldn’t tell her a dam* thing ever. I can’t understand that kind of thinking.

Is she going to be your birth partner again? That's a very close situation for a rocky relationship.

Yanbu to be annoyed, but yabu to be surprised. She doesn't or can't keep secrets and you shouldn't expect her to.

Yea. That comment would have sealed it that I wouldn’t tell her a dam thing ever. I can’t understand that kind of thinking*

Yep I'm with you on this one. I really hate how much power she claims to have just because she's my mum and I'm her measly peasant daughter lol. Can't stand it

Anyways all thanks for the comments. I'm allowed two birth partners now (one if it's a C section) but my mum definitely won't be my birth partner again! I've also learnt my lesson and won't be telling her things again, especially if I don't want them to be repeated.
Annoying but you live and you learn ey!