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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed and a bit upset at this comment on my parenting style

37 replies

Pennies · 14/12/2007 08:59

A mate of my DH's was talking about how he was wishing his DW was more into structuring their LO's routine. DH commented on how he felt young children need routine and his mate responded with "you're alright your DW makes Gina Ford look lenient".

Now before this all gets litigious I shall point out that yes, I did use GF to great effect with DD1 but less so with DD2 (who's battled against every initative I've ever tried to make her tow the line!).

However, this bloke's not been party to that. In fact the only times he's seen me in full mother mode is when we are at their house and I'm very strict about what they can play with / touch / please / thank you etc.

I admit that I can be a tad strict but somehow the phrase he used has riled me.

OP posts:
FluffyMummy123 · 14/12/2007 09:01

Message withdrawn

moondog · 14/12/2007 09:03

Oh really,there are more important things to worry about.

candypandy · 14/12/2007 09:03

forget it jealousy you can get your children to do what you want and they can't (bit like me)

unknownrebelbang · 14/12/2007 09:03

Are YOU happy with your parenting style?

Is DH?

Are you doing anything that will harm your children?

Happy with your answers?

Then stuff anyone else.

HowTheGibbonStoleChristmas · 14/12/2007 09:05

To use a phrase 'to make her tow the line' does suggest he may have a point

At the end of the day parenting is personal. If you're happy then balls to what anyone else says.

Original poster
Pennies · 14/12/2007 09:05

Of course there are Moondog but I'm sure we all can get a tad miffed sometimes about little things too.

OP posts:
Oblomov · 14/12/2007 09:06

so he is implying that you are very very strict ? Do you do things to the t ? Have to go, because of the time ?
Does your personality tell him this ?
Some people are so laid back they are going to topple over, yeah ?
Maybe he is implying that you are very very structured and a no nonsense person ?

Original poster
Pennies · 14/12/2007 09:06

Well yes I am happy with my parenting style (aren't we all>) but nonetheless I don't think I'd ever pass comment on someone else in that manner.

OP posts:
Original poster
Pennies · 14/12/2007 09:07

OMG there's tons of slack timing and nonsense in this house! But I also have a basic routine (e.g. as demanded by school runs and a bedtime of 7pm but that's about it) and teach my children manners.

OP posts:
unknownrebelbang · 14/12/2007 09:07

I wouldn't either, but some folk just can't help themselves.

SquonkaClaus · 14/12/2007 09:08

next time you go to their house, let the kids do what they want.

that'll teach him to comment

Original poster
Pennies · 14/12/2007 09:08

They're still in their pyjamas as I type - 3 hours since getting up. What would Ms Ford say to that?

OP posts:
Original poster
Pennies · 14/12/2007 09:09

LOL SquonkaClaus. Excellent plan.

OP posts:
Anna8888 · 14/12/2007 09:10

It sounds to me as if you aren't totally confident about your parenting style. If you were, why would you get upset over what is really a very mild comment.

My parenting style is wildly at odds with the parenting style of nearly all the Parisian parents around me. If I got upset at all the comments I had to deal with I'd spend my days in tears.

People parent in different ways. Most of the time, it doesn't matter much and it isn't other people's business anyway.

Oblomov · 14/12/2007 09:10

In their pyjamas. Ds has already got himself up and dressed. It is me eho is in their dressing gown. But then I am Oblomov

Oblomov · 14/12/2007 09:12

Let them run riot in his house while you saunter off for a glass( or two or three or four) of his mulled wine.
Come back and take no notice of the havoc that they have casued.

moondog · 14/12/2007 09:15

Oh people think I am bonkers because my kids don't have any toys (well very few) and I don't let people bring them toys to birthday parties.

I love it actually, winding them up.

Ineedacleaner · 14/12/2007 09:19

I think it was a throw away comment certainly not meant to cause offence and actually he was complimenting you in a way because he wished his own wife was more structured which you are obviously in comparison to her.

Rather than be annoyed I would try to be a bit chuffed actually.

TroutSprout · 14/12/2007 09:22

Nah not unreasonable.
He sounds defensive...but maybe he's knackered
It doesn't matter really though does it? (as long are you are happy with your parenting)...shrug it off

allIWannaBeForChristmas · 14/12/2007 09:29

agree with moondog, far greater things to be concerned about than a comment like that.

it wasn't even a harsh comment IMO, but it sounds as if you have doubts about your parenting style if this has upset you so much.

beeper · 14/12/2007 09:29

I think that his comment was meant as a sort of praise, but what I think it has struck is a lack of confidence in your own belief in your own parenting methods.

Maybe you should burn the books and go with your instincts.

Has anyone acutally found out how this Ford ladys children turned out and if they had a good childhood, or if she even has kids.

Anna8888 · 14/12/2007 09:32

moondog - are you ideologically opposed to a lot of toys, or are you just very fussy about the quality/type of toys you let your children play with?

Original poster
Pennies · 14/12/2007 09:37

Now now ladies. Less of the assumptions re. confidence or the usual GF bashing.

FWIW I have no confidence ishooos. I think my way is the best way (for us, obviously). LOs are happy and healthy and that's good enough for me.

It's the fact that he's seen it fit to pass judgement to my DH like this that p'd me off. It is something I would never do because a) it's none of my business and b) I think it's rude.

Am off now to enforce my rigid and totally inflexible regime so that I will have time to attend my counselling for control issues followed by a book burning session later.

PS - whoever said it was perhaps a compliment - thanks I like that a lot more so will look at it in this light.

OP posts:
Hallgerda · 14/12/2007 09:40

Time to worry when you're compared unfavourably to CV - I'd let a mere GF comparison drop.

beeper · 14/12/2007 09:40

LOL be careful with the stop watch. I new a woman who all her life used to time the tasks she had to do round the house with a egg timer. You used to hear it going off 'ping' now shes old and inmobile and I think she is tormented by the need to use the 'pinger'.