to be annoyed and a bit upset at this comment on my parenting style

[Pennies]

A mate of my DH's was talking about how he was wishing his DW was more into structuring their LO's routine. DH commented on how he felt young children need routine and his mate responded with "you're alright your DW makes Gina Ford look lenient".

Now before this all gets litigious I shall point out that yes, I did use GF to great effect with DD1 but less so with DD2 (who's battled against every initative I've ever tried to make her tow the line!).

However, this bloke's not been party to that. In fact the only times he's seen me in full mother mode is when we are at their house and I'm very strict about what they can play with / touch / please / thank you etc.

I admit that I can be a tad strict but somehow the phrase he used has riled me.

actually I think that the fact you are so defensive about it says a lot more about your lack of confidence than you can admit, perhaps even to yourself.

but that aside, have you never "judged" someone's parenting? even if not to their face, have you never commented on the way someone parents, ie if someone allows their children to have chocolate for breakfast/if you've seen a child being handled roughly in a carpark/shop/thought "hmm" if you know of someone's three year old that has a tv in their bedroom? It's a fact that people will comment/have opinions on those that parent differently to them. doesn't necessarily mean they're judging, it just means that people take notice of others and their parenting methods.

I agree with allIwantforChrsitmas:
We all judge.
I am a bit judgemental about other peoples parenting styles.
Seriously, aren't we all ?
Atleast a little bit.
My sil says something and I think, goodness, I wouldn't do that.
But I would never saying anything.
Or I would say.... ( her ds is 'green eyed monster' and REALLY hurting' new baby, at the moment) - I say " and how is that working, is it helping", in a sympathetic way.

My point exactly - you never say anything.

Unless you're on a parentling forum when it's OK to judge someone you've never met or seen in action and then it's fine to shout your views from the heavens.

I love this

we want to do what we want to do but when people define us for it we want to be defined in a totally different way

if you are strict and use routines they are hardly going to refer to you as an earth mother are they?

you need a big pinch of salt that's all

I don't think Pennies sound unconfident about her parenting style at all.

The reason us GF-users get defensive is usually because we spend rather a lot of time wearily denying being Nazis/child abusers/obsessive control freaks/unnatural mothers and sometimes it gets, well, a bit boring.

I'm sure many devotees of attachment parenting must get equally extremely bored with the criticism I've seen levelled at them - hippy, earth mother, rod for own back etc etc etc.

Personally, when people tell me I'm strict I tell them to go to the back of the class in a booming headmistress manner, then get the cane out. That shuts 'em up good and proper.

I like your style krang!

I think krang has it.

Everyone is midly critical of the 'other' parenting styles (otherwise why wouldn't you do it yourself? )

Our best mates (who we go on holiday with and love to bits) think we are hippy, laidback parents who let our dd do whatever and will be clingy and not sleep properly (well, actually about that one ). And of course they have been paranoid that we think they don't respond to their baby enough and follow baby gurus too much and don't go with the flow enough (too conservative).

Used to be slightly defensive about it (both sets of parents) as our babies were younger. Now we just accept we are different - and shock horror even learn things from each other !

Sod it, I've been told I'm cruel for not allowing my kids to sit on the sofa, without asking me, for not letting them have toys downstairs etc etc, but at the same time the same parents think I'm mad for not telling off for something they probably would, or for not really caring about noise etc

You know what works in your house and as long as children are happy, healthy and learning well and not being abused/negleted then 'parenting' is just another word for 'way you live your life'.

hmm does sound like he is using it as a compliment and also to hide the fact that maybe he is embarassed a little asking your DH for help / advice?

if it works for you and your family is happy just do it.

I always find it interesting to see how other people raise their kids. It's a shame that we constantly have to justify whatever method we use - as santaslittlehelper says, the fact that something works should be enough.

Am currently trying to help in very touchy situation between my MIL and my SIL. MIL thinks SIL is doing rod-for-own-back thing cos her little daughter sleeps in her bed. SIL is not happy that MIL thinks this. Everyone else is trying to persuade MIL that as long as SIL and DS happy who gives a toss whose bed her DS sleeps in. Why some people cannot just keep their bloody mouths shut I do not know. Oooops, sorry for off-topic MIL rant. Well, it is nearly Christmas.

DS? I meant DD...

Damn you, Christmas brain.