I got to see Weaponised incompetence today!

[TangerineDreams]

AIBU to ask for your stories of weaponised incompetence from your other halves? Make me feel better please.

My DH is a great bloke. Does more than his fair share of household chores (though admittedly, like many people will only do the obvious easily seen daily stuff like laundry, dishes or emptying bins, but I'd guess he's never mopped a floor (barring cleaning up spills) and I don't think he's ever cleaned the bathroom sink or washed the tiles, BUT he is the breadwinner working full time so I ignore that.) He also doesn't "babysit" our kids. He just parents them like I do. He knows their likes, dislikes, teachers names, school friends, hobby days and times etc.

Now I never though he'd do the weaponised incompetence thing but today? He actually did it. He played being bloody useless.

DS wanted an LFT as he was coughing (hoping for a day off methinks). I said for DH to do it as I was busy and DH was standing next to the box of LFTs.

DH: "Oh I'm no good at all this. You need to do it."

I told him no, I was busy. He said how he didn't know how and I shouted through, "That's why it has written instructions with pictures and I know you can read, I've seen you!"

20 minutes later he's still faffing about. Peeking round the corner, I reminded him that instruction books work better when actually opened, and I do these things all the time.

DH: "But no one has shown me how to do it!"
ME: "When the government man came round to show me how to do it......"
DH; "What? Someone came to show you?"
Me: "OF COURSE THEY FUCKING DIDNT! I READ THE INSTRUCTIONS LIKE EVERYONE ELSE BECAUSE YOU DONT NEED SHOWING!"

Reader, I still ended up doing it as DS would have been late for school. For some reason DH managed to have not enough liquid in the test pot to make a single drip. Wtf?

Please tell me it's possible for even good blokes to slip up occasionally like this. So long I've spent thinking I was lucky that my man didn't pull the shit like I read on MN.

Oh dear. In fairness, because DH was doing them regularly for work, he was familiar with the process a while before I did an lft. First time I did one he talked me through the process. He does really gaff about it though. Takes ages getting everything laid out “just so”

Yes, he should just have got on and done it, but weaponised is a bit OTT. And TBH the first time you do one ploughing through all the instruction or watching a slow video is a right faff. My first one took ages. I'd happily tell someone which bits to grab and when, but then I quite like teaching stuff.
Although why has he not done one on himself yet? Is he not going out and about?

OMG OP my DH is the same as you DH. He helps with housework, cooking, tidying, cleaning, parenting etc but he is yet to LFT the DC. If I even mention it he looks at me for me to do ffs, but then my mum won't LFT them either.

I don’t think that’s weaponised incompetence at all. Hope your son was okay.

My DH didn't pick up our son from school because I didn't tell him to. I was in the bath, dealing with horrible shingles and unable to bear clothing on for too long. There's an alarm on our Alexa that says "Leave now to collect DS." He heard that alarm. But because I didn't tell him myself to collect our five year old, he didn't stir his arse out of his chair to do so.

The school phoned and asked if anyone was actually coming to pick him up. I immediately panicked as I thought DH had left and should have been there by now. Came downstairs in a flurry of damp clothes and pain to see him sitting there reading. Asked him what the fuck and he looked at me all dazed and then said "well, you didn't TELL me to get him, so how would I have known?"

But his favourite is "I don't know how to fold the laundry like you do and I don't want to get told off so I just leave you to it."

I've never once told him off. I've asked him around one million times to fold laundry though.

strawberry it is still possible to be someone who hasn't had close contact (known about) with a positive case or developed symptoms or have any reason to do one. Its not a given that we all should do one every time we leave the house.

My DH, who is exemplary in so many ways, has a pathological reluctance to help change bedding, even though he knows it's easier for two people to put on a duvet cover. He does one pillow case, then as soon as my back's turned, I hear the en suite door shutting and he's in there 'for a while'. Like a bloody child.

He knows I know this, though, and single-handedly deals with mousetraps as penance.

Very much approve of the reference to fictional government man.

@FuckingFabulous

My DH didn't pick up our son from school because I didn't tell him to. I was in the bath, dealing with horrible shingles and unable to bear clothing on for too long. There's an alarm on our Alexa that says "Leave now to collect DS." He heard that alarm. But because I didn't tell him myself to collect our five year old, he didn't stir his arse out of his chair to do so.

The school phoned and asked if anyone was actually coming to pick him up. I immediately panicked as I thought DH had left and should have been there by now. Came downstairs in a flurry of damp clothes and pain to see him sitting there reading. Asked him what the fuck and he looked at me all dazed and then said "well, you didn't TELL me to get him, so how would I have known?"

Oh gosh this reminds me of the time l asked DH to make a flask of tea for our day out.
Got there and poured us a cuppa of black tea. Asked where the milk was and he looked at me as if l was stark raving mad. Milk?? You didn't tell me we needed milk.
I have literally never drunk black tea in my life!! But l didn't tell him so poor baby didn't know! Lesson learned- take money and buy a cuppa next time!
Been running his own business for 25 years!

@TheRustler

My DH, who is exemplary in so many ways, has a pathological reluctance to help change bedding, even though he knows it's easier for two people to put on a duvet cover. He does one pillow case, then as soon as my back's turned, I hear the en suite door shutting and he's in there 'for a while'. Like a bloody child.

He knows I know this, though, and single-handedly deals with mousetraps as penance.

Urgh! Mine saw me struggling to put both the fitted sheets on (we have 2 beds) changing ALL 8 of the pillow cases, put my own duvet cover on and then handed him his. He looked all pathetic and said “can’t you help me?”

I said I’m sure you can manage and he replied “come on, it’s a team effort Pangolin”. I nearly thumped him. If it were down to him he’d never have a clean bed, just sleep on the same sheets until they walked themselves to the laundry basket. I thought he could do this one thing. But apparently not.

Next time I’m going to wander off to the ensuite and leave him to it and if he doesn’t get it on all by himself like a big boy he can sleep on a bare mattress with a bare duvet!

Yes I thought your bit about the government man was excellent!

He should have followed the instructions. I have what sometimes feels like a phobia of instructions (not meant seriously), but I managed.

Surely he needs a PCR if symptomatic not an lft?

@32HugeAckmansWife

From the NHS You should do a rapid test twice a week (every 3 to 4 days) to check if you have the virus. If people test positive and self-isolate, it helps stop the virus spreading.

This is what I'm doing. Especially before I go and spend time in someone's house or similar.

"Regular rapid lateral flow coronavirus (COVID-19) tests - NHS" www.nhs.uk/conditions/coronavirus-covid-19/testing/regular-rapid-coronavirus-tests-if-you-do-not-have-symptoms/

@JackieCollinshasnoauthority

Very much approve of the reference to fictional government man.

Yes love it!

DP was getting his 13 yo DD to do his for him because he reckons his gag reflex is too strong so can’t do it himself (not sure how he though having someone else stick it down his throat would help that tbh!)

Turns out she hadn’t read the instructions either and they were checking the test after 15 seconds and then binning it. And she also hadn’t put it far enough in to actually get a sample. Once they actually read the instructions properly turns out they both had covid. FFS

Me and my husband have got round this by both doing it to each other. I have declared myself hopeless at cleaning the bathroom, so he does it. He declares himself hopeless at laundry, so I do it. Works reasonably well.

@AnneLovesGilbert

I don’t think that’s weaponised incompetence at all. Hope your son was okay.

Of course it is. The OP ended up doing it because he'd faffed around too long and didn't do the test.

Although to be fair to the OPs DH, some of those packs don't have enough fluid in and the tests don't work unless you use two little tubes. But if he'd have been doing his share of LFTs, he'd have had plenty of practice by now.

My DH is wonderful, does more than half the chores including the unseen ones (I tend to be the one to forget those) and does equal looking after our DS despite working more than full time inc weekends.

He adamantly refuses to do PCR/LFTs on our son, and also plays incompetent at cooking. Sometimes I find it annoying but I do remember he does more than me about the house usually!

Good heavens, where do all these useless men come from, I have never known any men like this in my long life. Have they not done things in their lives, to warrant that they have to learn things,and get on with everything.....

You need to call it out each and every time.

DH was the one who always collected DS from nursery. There was one day he thought I should telepathically know that he was too sick to pick DS up as usual and that I should have left work early to get him.
I just sarcastically that I'm sure DS would be fine left there overnight because clearly parenting gets put on hold the moment Man Flu makes an appearance, and DS is akin to a fucking coat you leave in the office or something.

I have never known any men like this in my long life

And yet, MN full of posts that 'DH could burn water, he just can't cook so I have to', 'DH dressed the baby in shorts when it's snowing outside, but how could he know better' or 'aww how sweet, DH was trying to help with laundry but ruined all my cashmere, I won't ask him to help again'

Actually the govt does show you how to do it, I watched their handy video on YouTube before I did my first one. Bit surprised your DH has gone this long without doing one!

I get DH to do the LFT’s because he’s done loads of them and I never have 🤷🏻‍♀️.

I read this as Weaponised Incontinence. Which would be a lot worse.

Ha ha at the government man coming round to each house to demonstrate

@beastlyslumber

I read this as Weaponised Incontinence. Which would be a lot worse.