I got to see Weaponised incompetence today!

[TangerineDreams]

AIBU to ask for your stories of weaponised incompetence from your other halves? Make me feel better please.

My DH is a great bloke. Does more than his fair share of household chores (though admittedly, like many people will only do the obvious easily seen daily stuff like laundry, dishes or emptying bins, but I'd guess he's never mopped a floor (barring cleaning up spills) and I don't think he's ever cleaned the bathroom sink or washed the tiles, BUT he is the breadwinner working full time so I ignore that.) He also doesn't "babysit" our kids. He just parents them like I do. He knows their likes, dislikes, teachers names, school friends, hobby days and times etc.

Now I never though he'd do the weaponised incompetence thing but today? He actually did it. He played being bloody useless.

DS wanted an LFT as he was coughing (hoping for a day off methinks). I said for DH to do it as I was busy and DH was standing next to the box of LFTs.

DH: "Oh I'm no good at all this. You need to do it."

I told him no, I was busy. He said how he didn't know how and I shouted through, "That's why it has written instructions with pictures and I know you can read, I've seen you!"

20 minutes later he's still faffing about. Peeking round the corner, I reminded him that instruction books work better when actually opened, and I do these things all the time.

DH: "But no one has shown me how to do it!"
ME: "When the government man came round to show me how to do it......"
DH; "What? Someone came to show you?"
Me: "OF COURSE THEY FUCKING DIDNT! I READ THE INSTRUCTIONS LIKE EVERYONE ELSE BECAUSE YOU DONT NEED SHOWING!"

Reader, I still ended up doing it as DS would have been late for school. For some reason DH managed to have not enough liquid in the test pot to make a single drip. Wtf?

Please tell me it's possible for even good blokes to slip up occasionally like this. So long I've spent thinking I was lucky that my man didn't pull the shit like I read on MN.

Ridiculous over reaction from you. Everyone has their strengths. Did you get out of bed the wrong side.

@TangerineDreams

AIBU to ask for your stories of weaponised incompetence from your other halves? Make me feel better please.

My DH is a great bloke. Does more than his fair share of household chores (though admittedly, like many people will only do the obvious easily seen daily stuff like laundry, dishes or emptying bins, but I'd guess he's never mopped a floor (barring cleaning up spills) and I don't think he's ever cleaned the bathroom sink or washed the tiles, BUT he is the breadwinner working full time so I ignore that.) He also doesn't "babysit" our kids. He just parents them like I do. He knows their likes, dislikes, teachers names, school friends, hobby days and times etc.

Now I never though he'd do the weaponised incompetence thing but today? He actually did it. He played being bloody useless.

DS wanted an LFT as he was coughing (hoping for a day off methinks). I said for DH to do it as I was busy and DH was standing next to the box of LFTs.

DH: "Oh I'm no good at all this. You need to do it."

I told him no, I was busy. He said how he didn't know how and I shouted through, "That's why it has written instructions with pictures and I know you can read, I've seen you!"

20 minutes later he's still faffing about. Peeking round the corner, I reminded him that instruction books work better when actually opened, and I do these things all the time.

DH: "But no one has shown me how to do it!"
ME: "When the government man came round to show me how to do it......"
DH; "What? Someone came to show you?"
Me: "OF COURSE THEY FUCKING DIDNT! I READ THE INSTRUCTIONS LIKE EVERYONE ELSE BECAUSE YOU DONT NEED SHOWING!"

Reader, I still ended up doing it as DS would have been late for school. For some reason DH managed to have not enough liquid in the test pot to make a single drip. Wtf?

Please tell me it's possible for even good blokes to slip up occasionally like this. So long I've spent thinking I was lucky that my man didn't pull the shit like I read on MN.

I find that very funny and can relate totally. Here two incidents:

My husband kicked over a cup of coffee that was on the floor. I shouted ''Quick'' - get a wet tea towel!''
He went to the kitchen then came back empty - handed and said ''We haven't got any wet ones''.

We have a drawer unit with 8 drawers in it where we keep stuff like tools, batteries, bits and pieces - you know like a kitchen string drawer but the drawers are organised so we know what's in them:

Husband: ''where's the scissors?''
Me: ''In the drawers - 6th drawer down''.

Husband stares fixedly at drawers while pointing at each drawer and counting down under his breath ''one, two, three, four, five....''

I don't know why I find these so funny. He does this stuff all the time and I laugh until I cry.

@beastlyslumber

I read this as Weaponised Incontinence. Which would be a lot worse.

No shit!

my teenage children are still sharing a bedroom (boy and girl) as DH hasn't applied for a mortgage. Been waiting 7 years.

I do absolutely everything financial, have applied for previous mortgages, sorted out both previous house purchases.

This is the hill I will die on (and when kids moan tell them to take it to DH, still didn't get his arse in gear)

I hate the faux-incompetence.

It is definitely not just a DH thing though. I have probably witnessed more women do it in my life. My DM developed a particular knack for it once she had a partner, whereas she'd spent 12 years of my life as a single mother impressively doing pretty much everything herself and figuring her way through.

@beastlyslumber

I read this as Weaponised Incontinence. Which would be a lot worse.

I have probably witnessed more women do it in my life

My grandma always told me that I have to play stupid and pretend I'm useless and incapable, as men like to be the prince on white horse and feel they are smarter and we couldn't manage without them.
Naturally, I ignored this advice. But this might be the reason some women, especially the older generation, acts this way.

I don't think I've ever heard that women should find incompetence attractive in men, though.

Ex boyfriend (note the ex) "I can't cope with women's bathrooms, where's the hand soap?"
On the sink was 2 things, one of which was a bar of soap, the other was carex hand wash. Labelled....

DH: "But no one has shown me how to do it!"
ME: "When the government man came round to show me how to do it......"
DH; "What? Someone came to show you?"
Me: "OF COURSE THEY FUCKING DIDNT! I READ THE INSTRUCTIONS LIKE EVERYONE ELSE BECAUSE YOU DONT NEED SHOWING!"

Ahahahhahaha I love you (except for when you caved, don't do that!!!!).

The only way to respond to weaponised incompetence (AKA I'm just a stupid baby syndrome) is bland, mild confusion, spelling out what they're doing REALLY clearly so they sound ridiculous and vague smiles.

"...what do you mean, you don't know how? It...are you okay? There's a book there, with the instructions. Yeah, just read them and do what it says "

"Sorry, just to check, you don't know how to read an instruction book?"

"Oh don't worry, it'll only take you a sec to figure out when you've read the booklet, it only took me a minute! "

NEVER GIVE IN. IT FEEDS THEM.

(DH tried this with me once when we first moved in together, on hoovering of all fucking subjects. "...Sorry, are you saying you got a chemical engineering degree but you can't work out how you would hoover the stairs? It's okay, I've still got the manual, here! helpful face You're much cleverer than me, I'm sure you'll be fine ". He soon realise I was not having it, and he's never dared try it again...)

@LampLighter414

I hate the faux-incompetence.

It is definitely not just a DH thing though. I have probably witnessed more women do it in my life. My DM developed a particular knack for it once she had a partner, whereas she'd spent 12 years of my life as a single mother impressively doing pretty much everything herself and figuring her way through.

Actually having just said you should never cave to weaponised incompetence, I'm going to confess that I've done this once on the way to an event, wearing a ball dress and I'd just had my nails done and I didn't want to get dirty putting air in my tyres. One winningly stupid smile at nice man in petrol station later, job done. (I'm so sorry to women everywhere. But it was a REALLY nice dress and REALLY nice nails so I think it's allowed)

I do not think I could stay with someone like fuckingfabulous s DP who completely absolved himself of any responsibility concerning his own child.

Someone from the government DID come round and explain in detail to us how to do them!

(ONS surveys and the 1st one in April 2020 they went through it in detail).

Just found my thread again. Just to clarify, DS was indeed fine. His coughing was a fake as a 9 pound note and as forced as me doing any form of exercise.

As for DH? He's had LFTs. Not as regular as the kids admittedly but he's been handed the stick to make himself gag plenty of times while I've been doing the other's LFTs. He's never taken it upon himself to do his own however as far as I know.
He really pulled the over dramatic and completely useless card that day though (which wound me up more than anything). He just stood like a lemon, looking at all the bits as if he had never seen them before (of course he has) with his hands up. He didn't even open the booklet to read the instructions. He just declared that it was beyond him.

Men! I've never had it before off him. He's always been a capable adult before. Oh well,