Dumped by driving instructor

[Zigzaggingmysterytour]

DD1 is learning to drive. She has dyspraxia and adhd so finds things a bit more challenging than most. She’s had quite a few lessons and seemed to be turning a corner. It’s very much an instructor’s market out there and out of the blue she (instructor) calls up and says that DD isn’t performing well and she isnt sure she’s the one to continue with her. She then suggested a break - we all know what that means. When we were not forthcoming to cancel the prepaid lessons we’d booked she went away to check if any of her instructor mates could help. Surprise surprise- no they can’t. So now DD is going to be trying to find another instructor when they are in a shortage and it’s completely knocked her confidence. She’s saying she will just give up driving. My girl has already had a harder time than a lot of her peers and I just wish that this once she could have had something that she was just as good at. As a side note so as not to drip feed, the instructor isn’t awfully local to us and has to travel to pick DD up, petrol is rising and I think she has other youngsters nearer her home wanting lessons. Would I be unreasonable to think that DD’s sudden so called inability is a nice excuse to ditch her for nearer students?

Oh your poor daughter. I can see how she'd be feeling sad about it. It's such a milestone learning how to drive.

I think she did the right thing but in a crappy manner. I've stopped lessons (music not driving) because taking the parent's money was immoral. I know it's different, so not the best analogy but I can understand the sentiment. I have however passed these pupils to a different teacher, ones with a different skillset, where possible.

Fewer automatic instructors sure, but fewer pupils interested too. I drive an automatic now for physical reasons and will never drive a manual again. They are becoming much more common. It's an option. It's literally stop, go, and steering. Get her comfortable in one, then get her lessons for manoeuvres. If you could afford to buy an automatic (use refund money and what you would have spent on lessons for 6 months), I'd do that and take her out for 6 months, build her confidence up bless her.

I didn't learn to drive till 34 and I'm currently pursuing an adhd diagnosis. Learning in an automatic made it so much easier

We had a similar with DS he also has dyspraxia. Got the impression the instructor didn’t want to teach him after a few lessons but it was block booked through the RAC so think he had an obligation to take him. Then conveniently instructor was difficult to get hold of after the lockdown lifted then didn’t have space for him. We couldn’t get another instructor so had to stop.

@Ozanj

I have Dyspraxia with Dyslexia and my advice is not to bother learning in manual. Go straight to automatic. And make sure she practices in your car everyday (even if she’s just driving 10 mins some days) because learning by doing makes things stick. I also find labelling left and right on my dashboard & using those sticky mirrors that go on your side mirrors so you can see more to park really useful. It also helps if you’re closer to the steering wheel - helps you concentrate.

I hugely disagree re: being closer to the steering wheel, that is incredibly dangerous. You need to be far enough away that you can straighten your arms (should you need to). Any closer is far too dangerous and frankly a death wish. Yes, airbags can save your life but sitting too close can mean they can cause it to end also!

At least your dd's instructor has been upfront and honest.
My dc's instructor just stopped replying to texts (how they communicated and booked the lesson times each week).
My dc also has dyspraxia and ADHD and was finding learning to drive much harder than either of he siblings did which annoy and frustrates her so much more.

Would you rather she just took your money?

It took me 7 years of on-off lessons to learn to drive. I thought I was just crap at it, I found it really difficult and stressful so I let the anxiety overwhelm me again and again. I finally switched to automatic and passed within six months, back in 2015.

This year I was diagnosed with dyspraxia, dyslexia, ADHD and ASD so I now understand why I struggled so much - it's actually a relief to find a cause!

I've never struggled to find an automatic car in my price range and I'm not harsh on fuel, so a lot of the old tropes about being better off with a manual just don't apply these days.

@Zigzaggingmysterytour what about a 3 day intense course-could she cope with that? Think it's what dh did & was good-might be easier to find than a regular instructor

I was dumped by 2 driving instructors in a row when I was in my 20s.
I tried again in my late 30s and this time I dumped the instructor. 4th time lucky with an excellent instructor and I passed my test first time.

Not every pupil suits every instructor and vice versa, and as PP said, an honest instructor will not take make money out of a pupil they know they won’t be able to progress, but it doesn’t mean that pupil can’t or won’t progress. Everyone has a different learning style in driving as in everything else. Could it be a good thing to relate this to your DD’s other learning and think about teachers she’s clicked with and why? This would also give her agency and an active voice in finding another instructor that suits her better.

Most instructors know the other instructors locally - they will come across each other at the test centre hanging about while their respective pupils are in their respective cars on test! - and usually willing to suggest other instructors that may be a better fit, as she has done in this case.

It sounds as if the instructor is slightly out of area for you from what you’ve said, so the instructors she knows that are booked up may not be the ones most local to you anyway, so don’t lose heart. It could be that someone more local will have more favouring them - eg in being less stressed getting there. Is the travel time impacting on the time available for lessons? If so, another instructor with less travel time will also have more time to devote to explanations and demonstrations in each session, and time to build in practice with each skill per session, which will make it easier for your DD.

The instructor is losing money if she isn't near you guys. Normally a learner picks me up, I drive them home, do the rest of my lesson and pick the next learner up and they drive me home and it continues.
If she has to pick up your daughter and she is too far to tag onto someone else's lesson then the instructor will lose money by the hour. For my instructor that would be £30.

DD is dyspraxia and struggled massively with gears, not helped by a very impatient instructor. Ultimately she booted him and start again on an automatic car, with an instructor who was a lovely, patient, fatherly ex-policeman and who restored her confidence in her ability to drive. She passed first time.

I have a close relative who is a driving instructor. He has a couple of pupils who don’t get it/struggle etc and that bit doesn’t hither him at all. He knows he’s doing his best and it’s also a regular income to be honest. The distance thing would be the harder thing for him - it’s not just the cost of fuel, it’s the time to and from the lessons. He relocated a couple of years ago, and when he first got to his new location he did take in pupils fort her away to get more people on the books. But as he built up a local clientele he gradually phased out the further out pupils, either they passed their tests or they took breaks and he was clear that he’d not come back out their way (nicely!).

I think the instructor sounds a bit shitty not seeing through the lessons that are paid for, and also for being a bit ambiguous - if my relative was struggling with the distance, he would be upfront and do pre paid lessons and bloody apologise!!

If your daughter has any daytime availability tht would be easier for a more local instructor to fit in. My relative is v v busy evenings and weekends, not taking on more. But he can fit people in during the day so that may help if you try to find a new instructor.

I hope you get a New instructor soon and DDs confidence not knocked too much!!

When I was learning aged 18 the first instructor I had was pretty useless - he seemed to just eke out the lessons endlessly with no real direction and without teaching new things, kept saying I wasn’t ready for the test - then he called my mum and said he didn’t think I was concentrating enough and that he thought I might be on drugs! Wtf? (I wasn’t!)

I got a new instructor who was awesome, had about 4 lessons and he said I was ready for the test; he was SO much better and really gave me confidence and I passed first time.

I think sometimes people just don’t click with the instructor for whatever reason. In my case the first guy didn’t push me at all- the second guy was much more focused and was just much better suited.

So your DD is not the only one to have been ‘dumped’ by an instructor (and at least she wasn’t accused of taking drugs 🤣). I’m sure she’ll find someone better suited - maybe see if there are any instructors with specific experience in students with dyspraxia?

I would get her an automatic. I struggled learning to drive but miraculously passed first time. Wasn’t comfortable particularly with city driving till I moved to Aus and drove an automatic (which everyone here does). I’m now so relaxed apart from tight manouvering in multi stories or parallel parking in busy streets. My husband is the best driver I know and only has an automatic license.

I have no diagnosis of either but meet every marker so pretty sure if i went to school now I would be diagnosed. I forced myself through a manual test and hated driving for years, I was absolutely terrible at it and then DH decided to buy an automatic car because I was walking 4 miles a day while pregnant in a really bad winter just to avoid having to drive. Its honestly like night and day and I have so much more confidence in my driving. I'm still not amazing but I know I can get safely from a-b and when I come up to a junction I'm thinking about slowing down and checking when I can go safely not panicking about changing gears and getting the car started again on an incline.

Its sad the way its happened, probably has kicked her confidence but I remember having a really horrible instructor who made me feel like crap and put me through a test when I clearly wasn't ready. I found a new instructor who was patient and didn't make me feel like a failure every time I sat in the car.

I found the idea of driving overwhelming so I never bothered with it at all, especially living in London. Then when I was 27 I moved to the other side of the country with work and wanted to be able to reach my family if I felt lonely so I decided to learn.

My driving instructor was a giant twat but I passed my test first time - like many others on this thread I also decided to go for an automatic licence. I'm also autistic and have ADHD. Seeing so many people here similar to me also opting for an automatic has been actually rather affirming!

I've been driving 15 years+ now and I have never regretted only being able to drive an automatic. My DP loves driving an automatic now too and he's swapped his manual car for an auto.

Maybe this is more about the instructor's shortcomings than your DD - and I'd frame it as that. The instructor recognised she doesn't have the skills to teach someone who needs in-depth guidance, and that's on her not your DD.

Oh, nearly forgot! I bought a cheap automatic car before I passed my test and my lovely, now-departed dad spent many hours going out with me, initially driving round car parks before going onto the roads. Trying to figure out which bastard way to turn the wheel when reversing completely blew my mind! But lots of time behind the wheel was a huge, huge help. If you can support your DD with this, I'm sure it would make a big difference to her.

Our daughter learnt to drive last year and passed in the summer before going to uni. There were no available instructors after lockdown but one instructor we spoke to was extremely supportive; she sent us all the local test routes and encouraged us to teach her ourselves which we did. She also did the odd lesson every now and then when she had a cancellation, which we were very grateful for. Could you do something similar with your daughter and teach her yourself in the main?

It took me ages to learn to drive, passed third time and had tonnes of lessons in between, thing that made it click with me was my Mum let me drive to school every morning (with her! And she’d then go on to work from there), it was a 10-15 minute drive but doing that every day for a few months made a massive difference. Appreciate you have to get up to a certain standard first but do think little and often helps. Hope your DD is ok

OP, I have dyspraxia and ADHD too. I started taking lessons back in 2007 and would give up after a few weeks, feeling too overwhelmed. The instructor would be explaining something to me but it wouldn’t sink in. It was as if they were speaking to me in a different language. In 2011, I tried with a female instructor, thinking that would be the key, and I remember her getting cross with me, tutting and grabbing the wheel. I tried again in 2017, this time paying £1500 for a crash course and two tests - I failed both tests.
Then in 2019, I started lessons in an automatic car and with an instructor who was so kind and patient. I didn’t have to worry about the gears which meant I could focus more on my observations and actually enjoying driving. I passed my first test in an auto in my thirties and have been driving for a year now! It has changed my life, I’ve been promoted at work and able to take my children out and about.

I would try an automatic car tbh.i gave up and changed instructor and car and passed second time. As you say autos are in electric cars anyway. My instructor the second time was exemplary and passed a guy who had learning difficulties. I found manual hard going .as soon a I drove an auto it all fell into place.i think your dd would probably feel the same.

I was dumped by mine many moons ago. I was bad at driving and one time I cried in my lesson. I also felt like we had cultivated a weird relationship. It was a blessing in disguise though as the newer one handled me better. I was offended at the time but he definitely did the right thing.

My youngest who has ADHD and a few co-ordination issues recently passed. He learnt in an automatic. We have a graduated system though and till he has his full licence he cannot drive after 10 pm or carry passengers (unless they have a full licence themselves), or have so much as a sniff of alcohol as there is zero alcohol tolerance.

Many years ago I was dumped by my driving instructor. I didn't understand why, as surely I was a regular stream of income for them? It took me years but I finally passed - first time too.

I have similar driving issues. Five failed tests and dumped by by five instructors.
Found an instructor who taught people to drive specially adapted cars. Passed first time in an automatic. Never looked back.
So suggest finding instructor for automatic only.