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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Boys and Ballet class

65 replies

AandWsMum · 14/11/2021 22:25

My son is 3 and desperate to start Ballet classes. While I think this is great I have a few worries as an ex pro dancer:

1 - Boys get a lot of attention in my experience, as far less of them go eg. Always at the front in dances, doing main parts… and he is much more of “fade into the group” sort of child who loves to be involved but can be shy if he’s centre of attention. I’m worried it’ll be a bit too much for him

2 - people already think I’m pushing him to do more stereotypically “girly” things - he loves Drag, makeup, we paint his nails etc… it he’s also really into things like rugby and tools! I don’t want it to seem like I’m trying to make him into something just because I was a dancer myself - I don’t want anyone to take the piss out of him either

Should I tell him he has to wait? I feel like if he’s a bit older then it does look more like it something he wants to do rather than it coming from me (even though he wants to go because some of his friends do) Or am I just overthinking this? He already does Swimming, Rugby & Gymnastics so it’s not like he’s short on activities….

(His dad just thinks get on with it but the grandparents are all being a bit judgemental)

OP posts:
kierenthecommunity · 14/11/2021 22:53

Oh I got negative comments from the ‘grandparents’ or more specifically my mothers partner. I think I told him it was absolutely zero to do with him

Catcrazy83 · 14/11/2021 22:57

My ds did it until he was 9. Unfortunately within his friendship group he was an outliner and succumbed to peer pressure and football. Let him do it while ever he wants to, just don’t push if he decides it’s not for him later.

AnneElliott · 14/11/2021 23:04

DS did both ballet and tap for several years. He wasn't the only boy in the class although the majority were girls.

Let him go if he wants to.

Porcupineintherough · 14/11/2021 23:04

Ds2 started ballet at 4 and is still going at 13. You are overthinking it. He want to try so let him try. He may like it, or not or be good or not but until you try you wont know.

Titoth · 14/11/2021 23:07

He's very young for all those activities. I predict early burn out.

Emilizz34 · 14/11/2021 23:19

Your 3 year old child is into drag , Rugby and gymnastics & now he wants to start ballet . Seems a lot of activities for such a young child . I didn’t think there were rugby classes for 3 year olds

dancinfeet · 15/11/2021 07:45

Let him do it. It’s ridiculous in this day and age that people still try to gender stereotype activities, so just ignore the grandparents. I taught a young lad with very low confidence who was more happy to be centre back line in show dances than centre front, so I placed him where he was comfortable for dance routines.

Mousetown · 15/11/2021 07:56

@Emilizz34

Your 3 year old child is into drag , Rugby and gymnastics & now he wants to start ballet . Seems a lot of activities for such a young child . I didn’t think there were rugby classes for 3 year olds
You can do Rugby Tots from age 2
gogohm · 15/11/2021 07:59

It's fine but he does seem to be doing a lot of activities, my advice is to make sure you don't over programme him, I used to change activities each term at that age and we only settled on their longer term hobbies when older

gogohm · 15/11/2021 08:01

By the way, nothing wrong with drag, if men want to wear dresses who cares.

KaptainKaveman · 15/11/2021 08:06

@AandWsMum

His Godfather is a Drag Queen -

He says “I love when the boys dress like pretty ladies”

Also his fave dress up costume for a while now, along with a fireman 😂

Yes, I'm sure he says exactly that.
WholeClassKeptIn · 15/11/2021 08:08

Nothing wrong with a boy doing ballet or dressing up.

I suspect the judgy comments you are getting (who from?) Are drag related.

KittenKong · 15/11/2021 08:09

Let him try it - also music, art, gymnastics, drama... little kids like to try all sorts of things.

Drag isn’t for kids. Kids just dress up.

CoalCraft · 15/11/2021 08:11

  1. You won't know until you try. If it is too much for him, you can take him out.

  2. Who gives a fuck what anyone else thinks? Just shut down any rude comments sharply.

wolfstarling · 15/11/2021 08:11

Not buying it

Benjaminsniddlegrass · 15/11/2021 08:12

My DSS has being going to ballet since he was 4 (he is almost 17) and I don't recognise any of the concerns you've raised. He loves ballet, has made good friends there and is a great dancer.

LibrariesGiveUsPower45321 · 15/11/2021 08:14

If he loves drag he’d be front a centre in that anyway.

You’re overthinking. If he wants to do ballet let him do it.

XelaM · 15/11/2021 08:19

I'm from Russia and male ballet dancers (or male figure skaters) are considered to be the epitome of strength and masculinity (e.g. nothing effeminate about the ballet God that was Maris Liepa!)

But a 3-year-old watching drag is totally weird.

Eileen101 · 15/11/2021 08:28

My son is 3 also and does ballet and tap and loves it. He sounds quite similar to yours actually - loves ballet, rugby and firemen.
He has no concept of it being 'for girls' even though he's the only boy. I do think boys in his dance school are nurtured a bit more - there are a few that seem to do very well in comps judging by the FB page.
Yanbu to put him into ballet.
However, 4 activities seems a lot at his age. Maybe not if he doesn't go to nursery on top of that. I'm coming from a point of bias I guess as my DS goes to nursery three days per week.

Derbee · 15/11/2021 08:36

Totally overthinking. Take him to ballet. An activity at 3 is unlikely to be a lifelong thing. Also, so many ballet teachers are awful and strict, they tend to put a lot of tiny children off, in my experience. Let him try it

KittenKong · 15/11/2021 08:38

True - ‘free spirit’ children often hate the rigidity of classes.

That was me...

BiscuitLover09876 · 15/11/2021 08:40

I really think you're overthinking it. Ballet is a lot less 'girly' then some of the other things mentioned. So what if he's shy? It sounds like this would be good for him. If he doenst like it he can stop. 🤷‍♀️

AlbasJudgementalCrucifix · 15/11/2021 08:42

All 3 year olds like ballet don’t they? Or at least they do in my experience.

I’d probably swap it for another activity on the schedule though. I’m not sure too much extra curricular is beneficial when they’re so young.

saoirse31 · 15/11/2021 08:43

Well tbh I've never quite got how most people don't see drag as almost always misygonist so on that basis alone I wouldn't be showing him it, but each to their own.

CaptainMyCaptain · 15/11/2021 08:45

@Bimblybomeyelash

I was going to say just let him do it, but the ‘he loves drag’ comment has really thrown me.
As an ex Nursery teacher I can tell you that a lot of boys of this age dress up like this but they don't call it 'drag' only because they don't know the word.

Let him do what he likes doing.