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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hire a night nanny once a week?

99 replies

Pinkfirefly · 14/11/2021 21:38

Every night is beyond us but I’m desperate for an uninterrupted nights sleep.

Would a night nanny just think us mad / lazy?

OP posts:
nokidshere · 15/11/2021 02:54

can still hear DS crying with Dh. And with Dh I feel obliged to help in a way I wouldn’t with someone I was paying to suffer through it!

If you can't sleep through the baby's crying with your dh how will you sleep through the crying with a nanny? Your nights will still be disturbed.

If you can afford it then do it but maybe look for someone who will help with the sleeping issues instead of just being there to hold baby when s/he wakes.

RoseGoldEagle · 15/11/2021 03:18

YANBU at all, it sounds like it’s worth a try. You say you feel you have to go and help DH on the nights he has the baby- does he feel the same when it’s your night on?

Mumdiva99 · 15/11/2021 03:28

If you aren't breast feeding can't you just go away for a night and leave dh and baby at home? He can deal with it and you get your night of unbroken sleep.

FawnFrenchieMum · 15/11/2021 06:20

@Moonbabysmum

This is your main problem. DH is as much as a parent as you. He should be doing it at least once per week to let you sleep.

NO!

The OP works full time.
He shouldn't be doing 1/7th of the nights but half of them.

Why so we set the bar so low for men.

Well yes I agree! But right now he’s not even doing one!
peaceatlastnot · 15/11/2021 06:34

Sounds like a great idea and definitely better than the ‘harshest’ sleep training method which would probably involve leaving him to cry by himself for ages?!

Wilkolampshade · 15/11/2021 06:54

Slight derailment, but how much does a service like a night nanny this cost?

ColdShouldersWarmTummy · 15/11/2021 06:58

@Wilkolampshade

When we had one to help with sleep training she was £22ph. Looking to get another soon just to help out and they start from £11ph. (London).

OnTheBenchOfDoom · 15/11/2021 07:02

I would do it, get some ear plugs and hand over responsibility to someone whose job is to look after children overnight.

Hopefully if you do feel the urge to "rescue" your child and step in the nanny will ever so politely tell you to go back to bed.

When you have had some sleep and feel a bit more human stop rescuing your Dh too. It is his child too and he needs to be able to settle his child without you coming in and taking over. All you are teaching your child is that when they keep making that noise (crying) you will appear.

Frankzappa22 · 15/11/2021 07:07

If you’re going to pay for someone to come in anyway and your child is 1, I would strongly recommend you get a sleep trainer who will come and stay for 5 nights in a row and then hopefully you won’t need a night nanny at all by the end of it. Spend a bit of time researching someone you like. Ask on local parent forums etc for recommendations

Hercisback · 15/11/2021 07:14

I'm not here to argue with you about sleep training. I'm saying if you have that amount of spare cash, get a block of night nanny time (a week or two) and get them to sleep train. That will be a far better investment than one night a week for 7 weeks.

Blondeshavemorefun · 15/11/2021 07:25

@Wilkolampshade

Slight derailment, but how much does a service like a night nanny this cost?
Ballpark for single baby 17/20ph for an experienced maternity nurse
SW1amp · 15/11/2021 07:28

@Wilkolampshade

Slight derailment, but how much does a service like a night nanny this cost?
Roughly £200/night depending on the age of the child, whether you want a night nanny or sleep trainer

A night nanny/maternity nurse for newborn twins is nearer £300/night
But someone to just do a sleepover and be an extra pair of hands for a toddler is under £200

jemimafuddleduck · 15/11/2021 07:28

I do sympathise, I think you're completely at the end of your tether and in total despair thinking this will never be fixed and never end. I've been there, I get it.

But if you can afford it, I would consolidate the money and spend it on someone to come in for 5 nights to sleep train baby. I know you think it won't work, but I bet you it will.

Some may even have a money back guarantee! Other than the money, (which when I was at this point myself I would have spent ANYTHING), what have you got to lose?

Blondeshavemorefun · 15/11/2021 07:33

I do agree a sleep trainer would be better as over 1. You can’t go on having disturbed sleep night after night

  • usually within a few nights the child is settling and sleeping better

It’s money well spent

WickedWitchOfTheTrent · 15/11/2021 07:56

If you can afford it then I think it's a bloody brilliant idea. My dc (now a teenager) didn't sleep through until she was 4, lack of sleep and sleep is hellish.

SophieHatterPendragon · 15/11/2021 08:04

If you can afford it then yes! I wish I could have done.

My eldest was a non sleeper. Finally started sleeping better at 5 and it almost killed me. I was a single parent so had to just deal with it (also didn’t know a night nanny way a thing!) and I worked full time. Those years are a blur and I’m not sure how I’m still alive after that level of sleep deprivation.

I went on to have more kids with my now DH, who are both much better sleepers, but the horror of the sleep deprivation with DS1 left me feeling like i had ptsd when they had rough nights

cptartapp · 15/11/2021 08:16

This sounds ridiculous but my friend was desperate too. She set up a camp bed in her garage with loads of duvets etc and alternated nights with her DH. Couldn't hear any crying from in there. I think she had a portable heater in there too.
Saved her sanity.

antipa · 15/11/2021 08:28

@Moonbabysmum

I'd find it odd, when you and your husband could just alternate nights, as its just one child. You could out ear plugs in so you aren't disturbed.

Id find it a very sad indictment of your husband as a father and his view of parenting if you had to resort to paying someone just so he could get a full night sleep every night.

I agree with this, and I guess is what I was politely getting at early on in the thread
NellieBertram · 15/11/2021 11:08

I would definitely use the money to get a sleep trainer in for 4/5 nights, they can advise on day time routine, bedtime and begin to get the baby sleeping through the night then you can continue by following their plan to the letter. Baby will be sleeping through within 10 days.

Renoqueen1 · 15/11/2021 11:11

Do it. 18 months in and I am exhausted. Had my first night away on Saturday and feel like a new woman!

JurgensCakeBaby · 15/11/2021 19:32

For £200 a night you could go and sleep in a lovely hotel while your husband pulls his weight

SleepingStandingUp · 15/11/2021 19:35

If you need it, do it. Screw anyone who judges you.

But there's two parents and it doesn't really sound like your partner is stepping up equally. So my only judgement would be that you're having to resort to this to make up for your DH not pulling his weight.

Do you both work full time? Do you work the same days or different days?

cansu · 15/11/2021 19:59

Surely if you co sleep then you will be disturbed when the nanny picks up your child in the night. Your main issue is the co-sleeping. In order to have a decent night's sleep you need to get your child sleeping in their own space. That isn't what you want to hear but I can't see a nanny taking a screaming child from your bed is going to be great for sleep tbh.

dottiedodah · 15/11/2021 19:59

By all means do it! Also agree with above PP ,who said to sleep elsewhere in a nearby hotel, why DH does the night shift as well. I did this and ended up in my friends little ones Bunk Bed while they were on a EOW with their Dad! Still did the trick though

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