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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hire a night nanny once a week?

99 replies

Pinkfirefly · 14/11/2021 21:38

Every night is beyond us but I’m desperate for an uninterrupted nights sleep.

Would a night nanny just think us mad / lazy?

OP posts:
FawnFrenchieMum · 14/11/2021 22:44

If he’s happy with anyone, why can’t your DH do it one night a week? You go in the spare room with ear plugs?
Not that there is any reason not to get a night nanny but do you have somewhere for her & DC to sleep? Would you still hear DC crying at night etc?

ColdShouldersWarmTummy · 14/11/2021 22:45

We've used one occasionally. Go for it.

PieMistee · 14/11/2021 22:45

This is why we did controlled crying. 2 nights of crying (about an hour in total) led to years of sleep.

Original poster
Pinkfirefly · 14/11/2021 22:45

I can still hear DS crying with Dh. And with Dh I feel obliged to help in a way I wouldn’t with someone I was paying to suffer through it!

OP posts:
NameChangeNameShange · 14/11/2021 22:46

I had a horrific non sleeper so I feel your pain. One challenge could be if you cosleep, how will DC act to sleeping alone with a night nanny? I'm not saying don't do it, absolutely do it. But best to chat to someone about how you can shift from cosleeping to this. You may need to look at steps, or accept that the first times could be really tough (so you may need to sleep elsewhere I found they really can sense you in the house). But ask friends or on local mum groups for recommendations and at the very least talk about options.

Blondeshavemorefun · 14/11/2021 22:46

Indeed I am a maternity nurse / night nanny

@Pinkfirefly if you can afford it - or even if you can’t lol - it will be the best money eveey spent

Sleep deprivation is awful. And sounds like you are at the end of your tether

You can either have someone come in and settle your child or work out why waking up - hunger - bad habits etx - and sleep train them

This doesn’t mean leaving them to cry it out. Often controlled crying works well

But as I said depends why they are waking

What’s a rough night like time wise I’m waking /feed etx

Original poster
Pinkfirefly · 14/11/2021 22:48

DS starts the night in his cot then wakes between 10-11 (this is why I’m now awake) and won’t go back in it, he has to be held. So the night nanny could hopefully hold him while I sleep 😴

It may not work but it is a bit difficult, I’m working FT so very tired nearly all of the time.

OP posts:
Blondeshavemorefun · 14/11/2021 22:48

Oh and no they wouldn’t think uou mad or lazy

I had a client like that recently. Needed a whole nights sleep - so I did once a week for 6w

Thatsplentyjack · 14/11/2021 22:49

Mine would never have accepted anyone else during the night (infact they're not great during the day either) but it sound like a great idea if yours will.

Mhingmighty · 14/11/2021 22:49

Do it. We had a night nanny for 6 months for 5 nights and it meant we could recover properly, get a decent night sleep and our child got a good routine. It’s awesome. Do it.

Mhingmighty · 14/11/2021 22:51

Should say 5 nights a week

FawnFrenchieMum · 14/11/2021 22:53

@Pinkfirefly

I can still hear DS crying with Dh. And with Dh I feel obliged to help in a way I wouldn’t with someone I was paying to suffer through it!
This is your main problem. DH is as much as a parent as you. He should be doing it at least once per week to let you sleep. Would you really not feel obliged to go to your screaming DS with a stranger if you can’t leave him with your DH without going to help? And surely if he is happy to be held by anyone your DH wouldn’t need help as your DS would be settled with him?
Original poster
Pinkfirefly · 14/11/2021 22:54

I’ve no idea. It is worth a try though, surely?

OP posts:
PieMistee · 14/11/2021 22:56

How does he get to sleep initially? Is he reliant on anything?

Cocogreen · 14/11/2021 23:21

I think a night nanny is a great idea, definitely do it.
I think you need to work out it you want them to sleep train your child or just hold them all night or respond to them the same way you do, and have a discussion with the nanny about it.

Moonbabysmum · 14/11/2021 23:32

I'd find it odd, when you and your husband could just alternate nights, as its just one child. You could out ear plugs in so you aren't disturbed.

Id find it a very sad indictment of your husband as a father and his view of parenting if you had to resort to paying someone just so he could get a full night sleep every night.

Moonbabysmum · 14/11/2021 23:33

This is your main problem. DH is as much as a parent as you. He should be doing it at least once per week to let you sleep.

NO!

The OP works full time.
He shouldn't be doing 1/7th of the nights but half of them.

Why so we set the bar so low for men.

Howareyouflower · 14/11/2021 23:50

Definitely do it...and a bonus might be some advice on how to deal with your child's sleep problems.

kirinm · 14/11/2021 23:53

If you can afford it and you think DS won't have any issues with a night nanny, I'd do it. I had / have a non sleeper and it makes everything feel so hard.

Lolarosemama · 15/11/2021 00:36

@Moonbabysmum

This is your main problem. DH is as much as a parent as you. He should be doing it at least once per week to let you sleep.

NO!

The OP works full time.
He shouldn't be doing 1/7th of the nights but half of them.

Why so we set the bar so low for men.

Yes.
Lolarosemama · 15/11/2021 00:37

@Moonbabysmum as in yes, I agree!

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 15/11/2021 01:14

Definitely do it

Before I had d 2 id saved up some money for a night nanny but exh spent it on a shed Hmm

Obviously night nanny was a waste of money as he wasn’t going to be the one getting up

Seriously, do it. It’ll change your life. You’ll be much better as a mum for the read.

Beseen22 · 15/11/2021 01:48

If you think it will help and can afford it then absolutely. Lack of sleep can make you feel like you are just making it through each day rather than getting any enjoyment.

Personally it absolutely wouldn't work for me. I'm the worlds lightest sleeper and would wake up if the baby was awake in the house. Plus I would have concerns how it would work in practice, I can't imagine a nanny that would co sleep but also I can't imagine one that would hold the baby in a chair all night as its not really promoting independent sleep plus it would be pretty risky that they would fall asleep too. If you had one thst was in another room ready to jump in as soon as baby woke up would the amount of time baby was crying while nanny went in not wake you too?

Weatherwax13 · 15/11/2021 01:50

Do it. Why on earth suffer like this if you can afford some help? Wish I'd had more money and less stupid Mother Guilt when mine were babies and I was on my knees!
I wonder - I've never had a night nanny so this may well not be a "thing" - but could a night nanny come every night for a period, say, a week, and maybe actually break the cycle of your baby's poor sleeping? A different pair of arms, rather than mum's, a different night time routine etc.
As I say, I have no clue, and you may hate the idea. but maybe something to consider/ask about?

NeverTheHootenanny · 15/11/2021 02:02

You wouldn’t be unreasonable at all, sleep deprivation is absolutely awful, I’m in the midst of it myself and the thought of one full night sleep is amazing.
I do however have concerns, as others have mentioned, about how well a 1 year old would respond to a stranger trying to settle them in the night, so it would be good to talk that through in advance with any night nanny. I also wonder whether it would be better long term to spend the money on a sleep consultant instead.

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