To wonder how to respond to a colleague's 'put-downs

[TheLasrStraw]

I have a colleague who sometimes puts me down in a curt manner, often in front of one of my team.. She'll repeat something in a condescending tone to me.

She doesn't report to me, but I suspect she may have applied for my job. I am more senior. We both have the same line manager.

It puts me off talking to her. I guess she's unhappy and insecure so I just ignore but it's not right that she speaks to me that way.

What can I do?

Yes, I've been letting things go so as not to be confrontational but guess I have to explain why I thought something wasn't obvious for example.

Yes, I can sit at another lunch table. Teams tend to sit together and they can't all like each other all of the time so I guess I need to be more easy going too.

It makes me not want to sit near her at lunch.

^

She's the last person you should want to have lunch with.

She's fucking with you op, and she knows it.

Next time this happens, say loudly and look directly at her 'Sorry, what?'. If she does her condescending reiteration, take the piss. So continue asking her super obvious questions that make her look like a fool. Turn it back on her.

A short sharp 'zip it bitch' should work.

Is she repeating you, as in you'll say 'the team will pick this up by doing x by. X date' does she then say 'oh the team will pick up x by x date' in a sarcastic tone? If that's the case simply agree with her and ask if if there's an issue. 'Yes that's correct, as I said the team will pick up x by x date' 'do you foresee any issues'

Or if it's a sarcastic response, such as team can't do that unless they are time traveler's' respond with 'so you think it's an unrealistic time scale or repete what she's said. So you think the team can't do it as it's an unrealistic timescale'

Flag your awareness of it calmly and confidently the second it happens.

“I think it is relevant’
“Are you ok?”
“Is there a problem I’m not aware of?”
“I’m sure you don’t mean to be dismissive but that doesn’t answer my question.”
“Your tone is unhappy. What’s the issue?”
“That came across as a bit patronising. I understand perfectly well.”

You get the idea. People who behave in shitty ways will continue to do so if they think that there’s no consequence. It becomes their routine way of talking to you. Make it clear that you aren’t going to allow it to go unchallenged.

@3scape

Remain professional. Ask her to step out of the way with you. Point out you've noticed she often repeats back things and ask if there's something you need to know. You're the senior role, you need to demonstrate there's a reason for that.

I agree with this, especially about remaining professional.

"If you don't understand the relevance, perhaps you need to go on a refresher course about "

Yes, there are currently no consequences for her unkindness.

I know it's just office politics but blimey it can grind you down.

I'd just say .. 'why have you said that?' or 'what an odd thing for you to say'... every single time. I did this and it totally worked.