To ask how you managed to give up alcohol

[JustAnotherDayWorkingAtHome]

I am dealing with an incredibly stressful situation currently.

For some time I’ve felt my relationship with alcohol is unhealthy but I can see myself using it as a crutch. The amounts aren’t crazy (but well above health limit) but I’ve been drinking half a bottle of wine a night since this situation arose. I feel I’m using alcohol as a means to relax anc reward myself.

I have given up in the past the longest time being 6 weeks.

I know I need to focus and I can feel my own health is deteriorating and im having a flare up of an ongoing health issue that was fine till this week.

How do you do it? Is it just will power. It’s a tricky time of year with a few parties coming up. I did manage to go out this week and have one drink but the only way I could manage that was by driving there.

Any advice appreciated. Please be gentle I’m not in a good place.

Just offering support here as I would love to know this too, been through a shitty couple of years, can go a while without it but when drinking it I think can't quit until I start to feel ill, health, weight and mental health is now affected, so would love help like above.

Willpower is a bit fragile, you've got to change your mindset. Lots of people recommend AA for this. Others those demystify alcohol books like Jason Vale and Alan Carr. I just read lots and lots of different not drinking books guides, quit-lit memoirs, psychological types. And find online communities here, on reditt. I joined soberistas.

I am coming up to 6 years not drinking now and love it but I seem to remember first few months/ year are all about not drinking. It becomes your primary focus you need to be a bit obsessive about it.

I have given up drinking mostly. I've varied between being totally abstinent (for a year or so) and then having a drink on social occasions I am anxious about but then usually regretting it afterwards - not because I've done anything stupid or had a bad time, but just because it didn't seem worth the way I felt the next day and sometimes the days after that. But I have such an ambivalent relationship with alcohol it is hard to imagine being abstinent forever.

I think there is a lot of willpower involved but like another poster it can't be the only tool in your arsenal because it is hugely fallible. I personally didn't think AA was for me - I tried a few online meetings and felt overwhelmed by it all - everyone else's stories and experiences seemed so much harder than mine, I felt like I didn't belong. There's a CBT based recovery approach called SMART which is pretty good (they have online groups), and quite a few abstinence-based groups that take a Buddhist approach - which actually works really well because it looks at addiction in a holistic sense, all the ways it can control us. Plenty online meetings you can find for those too.

Driving is a good excuse for me too! I have to go to a big family birthday party next weekend and I don't want to drink so I will be designated driver. It's the first big social occasion I will have been totally sober, and as someone who struggles with pretty big social anxiety (one of the reasons I drink!) if I can make it through this one and have a good time I think it will be a good motivator.

Wishing you lots of luck. You can definitely do this but the one thing I agree with AA about is that it can be hard to do it alone, at least at first - find your people and that will help x

Well done for realising things need to change - you can do this!

I stopped drinking 3 years ago, after making a complete tit of myself when hammered again. The embarrassment and shame carried me through quite a lot of early sobriety, but I can't say as I'd recommend that approach. I read a lot of books - things like AA and similar are very helpful for many, but wouldn't have worked for me. I really liked The Joy of Being Sober, by Catherine Grey. I also signed up for emails from websites like www.tiredofthinkingaboutdrinking.com/ which helped me, though I imagine they would irritate some people!

At base, you need willpower, but all on its own, willpower isn't likely to be enough to stop, so you need to try different things until you find what helps you. The more the merrier, especially to start with! In the early days and months, not drinking might take a lot of energy and effort (or it might be completely fine!) but the longer you don't drink, the more alternatives you find and the less you ever think about it. Now when I (occasionally) think "I'd really like a large glass of wine right now!" it's much easier than it used to be to work out what the actual problem is (I'm stressed, or I'm hungry, or I'm thirsty, or I'm bored, or I'm annoyed, or I'm sad, or I'm nostalgic, or whatever) and do something about that instead. It took me quite a long time to be able to identify the actual underlying issues and think of things I could do instead, but I think I was probably a bit worse than most people at doing this anyway (part of adulting I've long struggled with) - you might find you just need to come up with a list of "if I feel X, I'll try doing a, b and c instead of getting a drink" alternatives, if you see what I mean.

Good luck, and let us know how you get on!

It's possible that sober just doesn't like going out to the pub. Why would you? People start talking absolute rubbish as they get drunk, it's boring, and loud, you can't have a proper conversation. Maybe going forward you might be better off trying to meet people one to one or doing a hobby instead?

Best of luck anyway, I hope it goes well for you. I took myself in hand a wee bit about 3 years ago when I was drinking too much and I aimed to reduce rather than stop altogether but I must say I'm getting to an age where it might be time to just knock it on the head.

I’m 2 years sober and know I will never drink again because it’s just not worth the risk. I was reading a lot about it. I especially liked memoirs including the Sober Diaries. One especially bad drinking incident pushed me over the edge forcing me to finally quit and I then started to use the Coach me app. It was great to track my no drinking days and the community there are lovely and supportive. I then read more than ever to change my mindset for when the willpower was gone.

You may find it helpful to drink something like kombucha instead of wine so you don’t feel you’re missing out on that type of taste as much.

It’s tough but worth it. Alcohol is such a huge part of everything in the UK which makes it really hard to give up. You see that more when you stop drinking. Good luck.

I identified why I was drinking. I worked out the emotion I was hoping to ignore/suppress by having that first drink. I realised that whilst that first drink did help, the others didn’t and ultimately my behaviour (drinking too much) was harming me more. Once I had worked all of that out it was probably another year of trial and error to get to the place I am now. I used sugar and food and exercise as substitutes for that first drink in the evening - not exactly healthy, but replacing that lovely first glass of wine with sugar free tonic water just made everything worse, so a walk followed by a hot chocolate with cream and marshmallows and then a lovely bath distracted me enough to not have that first drink. In time the feeling of waking up having been sober the night before (and sleeping through the night) was so good that I now often choose not to drink because I prefer waking up feeling like that than the hit of that first drink. It’s probably taken two years in total. Good luck OP you’ve done the hardest step - you’ve acknowledged you’d like to make better choices and that’s very positive.

I will be three years alcohol free this new year.

I loved drinking to relax after a stressful day but found I was having more than I should. I was worried I was on a slippery slope to something.

I was lucky as it coincided with dry January so I used that as my reason first. But drinking had become such a habit I remember pouring a glass of wine after dinner on the first day! That showed me I'd made the right choice.

I followed loads of sober accounts on social media. My favourite was probably the sober girl society on insta. There's now a book of the same name and it helped. Also the book by Catherine grey mentioned by a pp. This naked mind by Annie grace too.

Any plans I made I offered to drive so I couldn't drink, and had a reason to not drink.

I found not drinking really filled my mind in the early days. I've since started a local sober group which has been really useful. It's worth looking up to see if there's anything in your area.

Although it was tricky I do feel so much better. My mental health was suffering so much from drinking and now I feel so much better. Nothing beats a hangover free weekend either .

Good luck!

I'm also just over 3 years alcohol free now after having a very negative relationship with alcohol. I quit cold turkey, quit smoking at the same time (as the habits were tied up together for me), and distanced myself from certain friends/didn't attend events with lots of drinking for a long while, probably 6 months at least, until I knew I would be able to say no and stick to it. Wasn't easy but was 100% worth it and my life is much healthier, happier and more stable as a result. I never feel that I'm missing out. The cost was too high for me.

Thank you everyone this is so encouraging. I’m going to look at all these books and online resources. I don’t think AA is for me. I have a very good reason to quit now as my family need me to be 100% present and focussed to deal with the current situation. I’m going to pour the open bottle of wine down the sink today (or cook with it) and take it from there…day 1

I love yoga and walking my dog and my daughter and I often do a late dog walk in the evening so I might make that a daily habit. I think alternative treats will be good too will try the kombucha.

Have any of you substituted with alcohol free drinks? Seedlip? Nosecco?

Check out Club Soda online - it is a mindful drinking community with lots of tips and advice for cutting down or stopping drinking. They have a Facebook group which is incredibly supportive and motivating.

I like Seedlip (though I appear to be the only person in the world that likes the garden one, I should warn you...) Carlsberg do a good alcohol-free beer, I'm told (I like the alcohol free version but never drank the normal version, so can't compare).

But I'd be a bit careful with alcohol-free versions of your normal drinks - at least some of the problem for problem drinkers is habit and stuff in your head, and I've found that while it doesn't have the same consequences, I sometimes find myself falling into old patterns of behaviour more easily with, say, alcohol free wine. (Which is pretty uniformly horrendous, in my experience. But I live in hope...) I've found it better to find alternatives that are nice but nothing like what I used to drink. Cranberry juice and sparkling water, for example, is nothing like what I used to drink, but it feels a bit less boring than plain water, and tastes nice. That kind of thing.

I watched alcohol kill my father and I wanted better for myself. I think I’ve had 3 drinks in 4 years

I was you, but my half bottle turned to a bottle then 2 a night - at least three times a week.
I stopped on 4th October 2017. Have not drank since.
I went to AA but it was not really for me, but they were incredibly supportive.

I used to have a bowl of sucky sweets on my coffee table and also a new book, so of an evening I’d suck through several chocolate limes and read my new book. Books became my reward instead of booze. My mental health improved drastically. The thought of ever being drunk again makes me feel very scared.

I have/ had a terribly unhealthy relationship with alcohol and we have alcoholism in my family.

Have had long stretches of sobriety in the past and am currently sober and hoping ti stays that way.

For me it boils down to a few things

1. Practical techniques

• don't go to parties if I am feeling slightly vulnerable. It's okay to say no

-find a drink you really like- or a few drinks you can look forward to. I only drink very cold spicy tomato juice / fever tree tonics / lemonade when out at a restaurant. I look forward to it and it takes my mind off wanting a drink

-note mentally how bad aclohol actually tastes (have a few days off then try a drink- it tastes sour!)

-focus on the positives- for me I look so much better and I have saved so much money- coming up to £5 k already (I also like looking at a wine menu and mentally adding up how much I have saved by not-drinking). I started a separate savings account and in 2019 took my family on an all-inclusive holiday in the sun which did not even empty my alcohol-free savings account!!

-don't walk down the wine aisle in supermarkets (I call the wine aisle 'The Aisle of Regret')

-take an alcohol-free drink you love to things- I like alcohol free beer and sparkling wine (Sainburys own AF sparkling is quite okay)

-find a sober support group. There are loads on MN. facebook also - Club Soda; The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober' are 2 facebook groups I belong to. They are rgeat- and when you see physical evidence of others trying and succeeding at sobriety and looking FABULOUS for it it is inspiring.

Emotional and mental techniques

-I read alot about the alcohol industry and their marketing techniques. It's comparable with the smoking lobby from years ago. It is enlightening

-Read quit lit. My favourites are Clare Pooleys 'The Sober Diaries' (I am convinced Clare Pooley would be my friend at the school gates if I knew her. I also LOVE Holly Glen Whitaker's 'How to Quit Like Woman'. Her book is incredibly well researched and dicusses social conditioning, politics, femisim etc and how it relates to the push to get women to drink. Highly recommend.

-sober blog. Loads out there and some are amazing. Mrs D is Going Without is a good one. And she has a blog roll on her sidebar for more reading.

Life is betetr without alcohol. It really is. And it is really worth it.

Have a look at the alcohol experiment. It’s 30 days of videos and tips and guides you through realising why you don’t want to drink and how much happier you can be without it

I think it's about changing habits. If you are used to sitting down at a certain time and opening a bottle then do something else at that time instead. Go for a walk, call someone, read a book, do an exercise class online...anything to shake up the routine.

I got into bad habits with drinking during lockdown and could guarantee that as soon as I heard the opening credits to Emmerdale id be wanting to pour a drink. It was almost subconscious. Make yourself too busy or distracted to want that.

As other pps have said there is some great quit lit out there too that can help reframe your attitude towards alcohol.

I'm pregnant now so haven't touched a drop in months and can honestly say that once you break the cycle you don't miss it at all. Life is much clearer. Good luck.

Adding in to the resources above, I know a few people who have done OYNB (one year no beer). Its not free £28 a month I think) but I see lots of people praising it. I also think The Sober Diaries is great. AA isn't for everyone, so don't feel bad about that!

Good luck, everyone here will be rooting for you. Don't feel bad if its hard sometimes, habits are difficult to break.

And massive kudos to all in this thread that have achieved sobriety x

I did try AA and it really was not for me. But it works for alot of people. My main issue was that I did not want to be sitting in the rooms in 20 years time still talking about my problem with alcohol, and also I had too many clients who were also in the rooms and it just seemed a potential pitfall for all sorts of professional problems!

I did, however, meet some wonderful people and have a couple of fabulous friends out of it.

I second ImperfectTents suggestion of The Alcohol Experiment app- brilliant, free and really informative- I haven’t even wanted to have a drink whilst doing it. Would recommend you download it today and start it.

Allen Carrs easy way book is also another good read.

Good luck OP! You can do it!

I'm 6 months ( and 5 days) sober. So far it's been will power, changing habits and determination. My health was suffering and I was very well aware of how it would end if I didn't stop.

I joined the club soda Facebook page for support and motivation.
Changed my habits - go for a walk/gym anything when that voice in your head starts
Don't be afraid to say no that doesn't work for me- I've turned down invites to nights out etc as I know I'm not ready for that yet. I can manage an hour or so in a pub with my family but I know I can't do out out, not yet.

I really enjoy the Heineken 0% and have a couple in the fridge for when a feel the need ( not so often at the mo but very handy in the first months but I know some people can find it triggering)

The one thing I will say thay is what a massive change it has made to my life. I feel amazing. I sleep and feel well rested. My skin has improved. As stupid as it sounds I feel like I now have mental clarity and feel totally at peace with myself. No more crashing hangovers daily, anxiety riddled and clock watching until its acceptable to have another drink to take the feeling away.
I have more time for people, myself and doing the things I enjoy instead of picking the bottle up as soon as I finish work.

Having said all that, I'm aware how much I am.work in progress and I hope I too can make it to years sober like others on this thread.

Almost 2 years alc free here. It definitely gets easier as time goes on but I still have moments when it hits me and it's usually associated with a 'thing' that I used to do (e.g. cold beer after a day in the garden in the summer, chicken risotto night!) I found it helpful to remember the mantra about addiction, which is the immediate desire should not be acute for longer than a few minutes at a time. It passes to a 'general desire' again after about 2 mins. Just try to get through those few minutes each time. Good luck!

I don't really go for alcohol free versions of drinks. I quite like the flavoured tonic waters though so often have those. I have developed a taste for kombucha which is bubbly and tastes unusual so satisfied me.

I'm so happy to see new resources I e bit heard of mentioned here!

haven't heard of