To dread every part of parenting day and night.

[pompomsgalore]

Normally I see the 'I hate parenting' threads and pop on to say 'don't worry it gets better' but I can't talk any sense into myself.

I have a 3 year old and 9 month old and basically dragging myself through everyday and night. Both kids are ill and have been ill with different things for two months now so no sleep. And In fact broken sleep for me for almost 4 years with all the pregnancy sleep crap.

3 year old is a nightmare atm. Like a horrible tyrant who screams and shouts and demands and is rude to people with no filter. She can be the sweetest, funniest and intelligent chatty personality but we are on an awful phase. I've tried love bombing her and I've been very strict and no approach works. She is her own person and nothing I do makes a difference. She will not listen and she will not be tamed or bribed or sanctioned. She doesn't give a fuck about anything.

She goes to preschool 3 times a week and we are upping it to 4 but the more she goes the more tired she is and the more awful her behaviours.

I'm so sick and tired of her and not sleeping. I feel like she's ruining my time with the baby as she dominates everything.

I can't keep the house tidy and washing is never ending. Everywhere I look there's stuff to do and fucking sick of it all. H is excellent day and night so I can't even blame him. But two kids is horrific, like a living hell. Then I feel guilty for saying that and wishing our precious time away. I want these days to be so special but the reality is crap.

Why does anyone go on to have more than two kids?

Parents of THREEnagers: support is here! www.mumsnet.com/Talk/parenting/4401759-parents-of-threenagers-support-is-here

I started a thread here for parents of THREEnagers.

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@Anothermother3

It’s illness. Are you breastfeeding the 9 month old? When they’re Poorly they bf non stop so wondered if you are drinking/eating properly. I haven’t read everything but I have a 2yo I am looking to sell this week. (My 3rd child 🤣). Like you I know it is just a few weeks of Illness and f all sleep but it does makes everything feel too much. I haven’t slept though in over 8 yrs and I’m over it but can see a light. Are you able to spend time with other mums - preferably those you can be grumpy and fed up around. I do work part of the week but in all honestly that’s probably quite a relief right now which feels awful to say. I went back after may leave when DC was 13/14 months. No rush to think about what would suit you just get through the winter and try and have good moments not days - when they are better try and leave the house even if the weathers a bit rubbish.

I am breastfeeding and that's a saviour as well as killer to be honest.

As for other mams I know loads and I regularly see them but what I really miss are my real friends who are all busy at work and have older children.

I admire your honesty and think it's brave of you to articulate it. I felt terribly low after a couple of years of sleep deprivation combined with a toddler who didn't seem to like me or life, very much. I could tell other people didn't really want to be around us. All I can offer you right now is; it is a phase, things will get better and you should not feel ashamed of how you feel. You are only human.

Recommend getting DH to book a day off work when eldest is in childcare, use the time to sort the oppressive house to do list and cleaning, then he can pick up eldest and take her out for an hour with baby in pram so you can nap / be alone. Honestly one day like that now and again can be a game changer.

Do you get time alone / with friends ever at the weekend?

3yrs and 1yrs I recall was horrific, you have my sympathy, get through it and it gets better but in the mean time....good luck

@sarah20212021

Recommend getting DH to book a day off work when eldest is in childcare, use the time to sort the oppressive house to do list and cleaning, then he can pick up eldest and take her out for an hour with baby in pram so you can nap / be alone. Honestly one day like that now and again can be a game changer.

Do you get time alone / with friends ever at the weekend?

I don't get time without the kids really as H is working and studying so often on weekends I need to get out of the house whilst H studies. My time without the kids happens between their bedtime and my bedtime.

That will wear you down. Is DH taking a day off worth exploring? Is there an end in sight for the studying? Being "on duty" all the time isn't viable and will leave you understandably exhausted - a rest and some fun are essentials, not luxuries.

Not having DH available at weekends to share the load and give you a proper break is not on.

He can pause studying, he can take a different job or negotiate change in hours.

Is he at home on a weekday then? He can't possibly work 7 days every week?

When he's home, he does everything you'd normally do on that day.

You can nap or go out.

Re bedtimes. I hear you about the gap between their bedtime and your bedtime being your only time. I alternate weeks of sleeping at same time DC do vs staying up to have some me time.

I've had to accept that it's unsustainable to stay up every night, I can do 60pc if I'm lucky. Mine are 2 and 4.

Unmumsnetty hugs

@Wotsitsits
H works from home and he does help out in the day and bedtimes. He gets up with the kids if it's been a dreadful night.
His studying is linked to his job so can't change that and exams are 3 times a year so it only in the lead up to those that weekends are an issue. I've stipulated that I'm only getting out of the way for one day of the weekend.

Things are just tough when everyone's ill. Today and yesterday have been a lot better. The house looks like a tip but I'm being brave about it.