To dread every part of parenting day and night.

[pompomsgalore]

Normally I see the 'I hate parenting' threads and pop on to say 'don't worry it gets better' but I can't talk any sense into myself.

I have a 3 year old and 9 month old and basically dragging myself through everyday and night. Both kids are ill and have been ill with different things for two months now so no sleep. And In fact broken sleep for me for almost 4 years with all the pregnancy sleep crap.

3 year old is a nightmare atm. Like a horrible tyrant who screams and shouts and demands and is rude to people with no filter. She can be the sweetest, funniest and intelligent chatty personality but we are on an awful phase. I've tried love bombing her and I've been very strict and no approach works. She is her own person and nothing I do makes a difference. She will not listen and she will not be tamed or bribed or sanctioned. She doesn't give a fuck about anything.

She goes to preschool 3 times a week and we are upping it to 4 but the more she goes the more tired she is and the more awful her behaviours.

I'm so sick and tired of her and not sleeping. I feel like she's ruining my time with the baby as she dominates everything.

I can't keep the house tidy and washing is never ending. Everywhere I look there's stuff to do and fucking sick of it all. H is excellent day and night so I can't even blame him. But two kids is horrific, like a living hell. Then I feel guilty for saying that and wishing our precious time away. I want these days to be so special but the reality is crap.

Why does anyone go on to have more than two kids?

Op you are right down in the trenches with those ages. I promise you it gets better. The problem at that age is its so so relentless and they don't do anything independently.

Mine are 7 and 9 they sleep well they spend hours each weekend doing sport or visiting friends ! Parenting won't always be this tough.

My suggestion is to have help at home if you can. Could you afford a mother's help who did bedtime a couple of times a week or some help with giving tea etc or playing with 3 year old for a while at home.

Also I found parenting easier when i was also working as I got a change of scene and break from childcare.

I have a 3.5 year old and a 6 month old.

Honestly I do not regret having my second. He is the easiest baby out of the two. He's actually a dream but Fuckinghell I feel in the trenches.

It seems by other replies that my 3 year old is actually normal and we are all in this together. I actually said to myself for the first time "I really dread her atm" I had so much guilt. Is it because a week after her birthday I had a second or is it because she's 3. Probably combined with both. She's filled with jealousy and honestly she's very anti mummy so everyday is a long slow fiery battle.

I'm hoping it gets better, but let's just revel in the fact we are all going through this together and one day when we are grandmas and having our lay in at 10am, we will look at our daughters and say "sorry, we've done our job, it's your turn"

Hi Op,

I just wanted to say that it really will get better!! I have children with exact same age gap as you and it really does get easier I'd say when youngest is between 14-18months. That when they are eating proper food, walking and starting to play and talk and wear themselves out so sleep better, aren't teething so much etc. And then it really gets easier every day from there.

You are on the hardest bit! Just survive best you can, lower your house keeping standards to barely anything. Put the TV on as much as you need to!

I've now got a 3yr and a 6yr old and it's great. Although now the youngest is going through the threenager tantrums!! But much easier to deal with when you actually get sleep!

Honestly I’d go to bed like your dh suggested, I was in bed for 9:30pm last night and we don’t have kids.

@Fluffycloudland77 you are completely missing the point. That time in the evening to yourself is essential to recharge. Otherwise if you go to bed early, you feel like you never get a break - you're either looking after the children or asleep.

Omg! If you didn't mention a chatty daughter and a husband I would have thought my wife started this thread.

My eldest boy keeps bringing back illnesses from nursery, it's relentless between coughs, colds and sickness bugs. The already massive amount of washing keeps doubling everytime they start puking and we've not had an illness free week since September.

It's insane but I'm hoping we will look back at this time and laugh

Ok but ops not sounding recharged by it.

My sil did the same, late nights to have me time.

Remember that feeling so well OP. It's monotonous and draining. I promise it does get better, they do sleep...eventually.

I remember reading this in the throes of 2 under 2 and it still rings true.

selfishmother-blog.com/what-if-the-best-years-of-your-life-just-arent/

My second turned out to be twins who were born right as oldest turned two. I feel your pain and every day with all of them is a struggle. I want to enjoy it and value the time as you say but when it’s just me our time together is just drudge, not doing fun things. The twins are 14 months now and it has improved, I’m back at work part time and I find the separation really good for our relationship. Is this an option for you at some point? Don’t beat yourself up, you’re doing an amazing job and how you feel is extremely common, kids aren’t easy! Xxx

Apologies I hadn’t read you are a SAHP. It’s still early days but if you decide that paths not for you there’s no shame in saying so. I would up the pre school days to get the break and don’t feel bad about the tv, it’s easy to start weaning them off it when things get a bit easier, my son watched loads when the twins were young and now it’s barely on, so what you need to do to get through this stage and don’t beat yourself up about it x

OP I could have written this. 3 year old tyrant and 11 month old, both constantly sick since 3 YO started preschool. I'm a SAHM too, it's so hard. I've watched about 15 hours of Twirlywoos in the past 3 days. You have my absolute sympathy and solidarity.

@BoredOfCbeebies @Fluffycloudland77
I can please you both because I actually do go to bed at 9:30 or before every night as the kids do sleep at 6:30. So I use that time to watch some brain dead tv and even try and crochet for ten minutes and scroll on MN. It's my time to myself. But I actually think 9:30 is too late for me and I'm going to aim for 9pm tonight.

What it does do is really takes its toll on marriage though. I didn't realise the strain that two little ones puts on a couple.

I remember saying that whoever coined the phrase “terrible 2s” had clearly never looked after a 3 year old!

I completely relate.

It is awful.
I went back to work after a year with both of mine. If I'm totally honest, there is no way I could hack being a SAHM. I get excited to go to work each day. I sit there and have a coffee and a laugh (and do some work). For me though, it is way easier going to work (although depends on the job I guess).

I have a 4 year old and 18 month old and everyone keeps saying it gets easier at 2 so I'm holding out for it!!

This was me Friday night! Home at 9pm after my 4th 12hr shift with 2 or 3 of us for 40 residents so no break, opened the door and saw my 2yo arrive at the baby gate when all I wanted to do was have a shower and watch some tv! As much as I was happy to see her I also wanted to cry!

Another one thinking wow this could be my life! I have a 3.5 year old tyrant who goes to Nursery 3 days a week and loves it but then those 4 days of her at home are HARD. We are on day 9 of illness, we have ALL been ill and honestly can't remember having a week so bad ever. My Mum took my daughter last night for a sleepover and I was counting the minutes until she was picked up so I didn't have to answer another question, be climbed on or tell her to stop shouting or she'll wake the baby. The baby is 11 weeks and so chilled and perfect but still, a baby and takes up a lot of time. Older one gets jealous and acts up or says muma look at me look at me doing this ridiculous dangerous thing. Can I have a drink just as I have sat down to feed the baby, I need a poo just as we have left the house, can I do glitter/painting/bubbles just as I have finished the housework, 6 million questions, why's and what's that muma... it's relentless. I was getting annoyed at her yesterday for drinking too loud and sniffing, touching me too much! But today is a new day, she is coming home from her grans hopefully happy and has had fun, we are rested as stayed in bed until 10am with coffee so we will make the most of the afternoon and start the new week fresh... Or she'll be shattered and tantrum and whine all day and I'll just put a film on the Tele and hide in the kitchen eating crisps.....
Oh shit also forgot it's in service days Monday Tuesday so no nursery 😭😭😭😭

Good luck for the new week everyone, we can get through it and it will get better! Ask for help if you can, take some time in the evenings for yourself and have a glass of wine!!!! Don't sweat the small stuff. Give your kids a cuddle.

Children are bloody hard work. I am on my knees at the moment. I have teenagers who aren't too bad, certainly not nightmare teens or anything and then I have my 17 months old litte boy.
I love him to bits but he's hard work. Doesn't sleep much at night or during the day. He's not walking and has very little speech. He's in to everything and his toys hold no interest not even for 5 minutes.
He needs constant attention, can't do any housework because he simply sits and screams.
I'm so tired and all I can think is it gets easier. Of course he has some lovely moments and I try to hold on to them which gets me through.
Everything is a phase with kids and you will get your lovely little girl back.
Is her behavior jealousy over the baby? Is there any way you can do a special 1:1 time with her once a week?

Are you being too hard on yourself?

Trying to be perfect mum, housekeeper and wife?

Just becuse you dont work outside the home does not mean the above is possible.

It was your comment about previously not having the tv on for weeks. You must be exhausted from being the main source of entertainment!

Dont forget many first borns resent the second arrival, so may be playing up too.

Cut yourself some slack, cut all the corners.

Take the 30 hours!

@pompomsgalore I have a DH who wfh and family nearby so my parents will take DD for sleepovers and play dates. Managing the twins on their own is doable as they have exactly the same needs, wear the same clothes, drink the same milk etc so it isn’t necessarily twice the work. (But twice the night wakings is tough!) DH does his share of the nights with the twins so we both get a rest (or get to be climbed over in bed by the 3yo). I also made things easier for myself with having two this time around, they are ff and have dummies etc.

I find managing the age gap at this stage between the twins and DD is harder than the twin ness IYSWIM!

I’m returning to work after my mat leave next year for 2 days a week. I won’t have much to show for it after paying childcare but it gives me a break and keeps the 30 free hours until DD starts school in Sep. I have a pt job that pays well and I really enjoy, so I’m going to try and make it work.

Agree with your strategy to not dwell on what happened yesterday, and to take things a bit easier. I have days where I totally lose my mind and then it blows over. Don’t beat yourself up about it.

@HalloHello sounds like our house! Mummy can you pretend to be a unicorn puppy/I want this label off my toy whilst I’m dealing with a poo explosion/trying to get baby/babies to nap etc.

Just wanted to join/sympathise. I've got 3 year old DS who always wants me rather than DH and 8 month old DD who is ill and wants to be cuddled/fed a lot, also by me (but normally likes to explore and is interested in all the things that she shouldn't have). I hate feeling split between them and like I'm constantly letting one of them down, and I hate feeling cross and frustrated with DS being a normal 3 year old. It is definitely tough.

Main things that seem to help DS are routines/plans so he knows what to expect, and when they involve getting out the house I can combine a walk with DD napping, which is a nice chance to chat and actually enjoy time with him. But I constantly struggle with knowing how much to try and change DS's behaviour and when to let things go. Feel like I'm missing people I can talk to honestly about how hard I find things, how annoyed I get etc, so hopefully this thread can give us a chance to do that.

Sending lots of sympathy and actual hot tea/coffee.

They are ill so normal routine will go out of the window. At this point you just have to grin and bare it. Once they are better then send your 3 year old to nursery for the full hours you get. If she needs an hours nap let her have it and put her to bed an hour later. If she won't nap then how about bringing bedtime earlier? What about playing with them both near each other, so for example, baby on a playmat and you and the 3 year old plenty with lego read a book etc.

Don't be so hard on yourself, they are ill. They won't always be and things will get better eventually. For now keep your expectations as low as possible and do what you need to survive so TV daily won't kill them.

No wonder you feel awful I used to feel like this with a pre teen and a 3 year old .... I very often used to take to my bed and just scream into a pillow!!

Sometimes I used to sit in my car and just thump the steering wheel... 😬 my neighbours probably thought I'd lost the plot!

The only thing I can say is just take each day as it comes and each hour too.
It will get better I promise. Xx

Il join too, 3 year old and 5 month old. Eldest started nursery in Sept, his nose has not stopped running. They have both just got over tonsillitis and conjunctivitis, and now I have it.
Husband works 12 hour days. Things that helped me:
Spread out the nursery sessions, my son does Mon and Weds am then Fri pm. He will nap on the Tues and Thurs to re charge.
Lower my standards, washing basket is never empty, so what? I hoover once they're both in bed and the house gets a quick blitz Saturday morning whilst my husband is here to help.
I have recently joined a baby group so I don't feel the guilt that she isn't getting anything for her.
After nursery, it's literally a film and a play in the garden before dinner.
I am going back to work next year after being at home for 5 years and I'm excited!
Cut yourself some slack.

It’s illness. Are you breastfeeding the 9 month old? When they’re Poorly they bf non stop so wondered if you are drinking/eating properly. I haven’t read everything but I have a 2yo I am looking to sell this week. (My 3rd child 🤣). Like you I know it is just a few weeks of Illness and f all sleep but it does makes everything feel too much. I haven’t slept though in over 8 yrs and I’m over it but can see a light. Are you able to spend time with other mums - preferably those you can be grumpy and fed up around. I do work part of the week but in all honestly that’s probably quite a relief right now which feels awful to say. I went back after may leave when DC was 13/14 months. No rush to think about what would suit you just get through the winter and try and have good moments not days - when they are better try and leave the house even if the weathers a bit rubbish.